Neighbors Page #5

- Really?

I know women,

upside down and backwards...

...which is not a bad way

to know them, huh?

I guess so. Say, what does

that say on your arm?

- "Born to party."

- It's the way I live, babe. Have a cigar.

You ever seen one of these?

Wow.

You know what you and I need?

- A boys' night out.

- Yeah.

- You fool around?

- Yeah, sure.

Good. Keep it under your hat.

I'm gonna get us breakfast.

I hope you like

blueberry pancakes and sausage.

- That's what you're getting.

- Sounds great.

Not the way I fix them.

Get your foot off the gas!

Well, watch the lever. Put your...!

Stop. Pull up, you jerk.

Back up.

What...?

Stop it. Watch where you're going.

Stop. Would you stop? You stupid sh*t!

I ought to crush

your head with a mallet.

The kid's an animal.

You got the keys?

It's not my truck.

The owner went to get breakfast.

I hear you got a whore in there.

- Who told you that?

- I heard.

- Well you heard wrong.

- Ain't got a whore?

- No.

- Know where to find one?

- Of course not.

- Lf one shows up, you let me know?

Careful. That mother freaking

snap back between...

...your legs and lash your

whacker off something fierce.

Well.

It doesn't look too bad, does it?

I don't think we'll have to tow it away.

Am I right?

You the bastard that mouthed off

to my dad last night?

He smashed my car and

he punched me in the stomach.

Oh, yeah?

How would you like your

nuts nailed to your forehead, huh?

Hey. Leave that wart-head alone.

Come on, we got cesspools to suck.

Okay, Dad.

You're lucky.

I gotta go help my dad now.

But I'll be back.

Hey, Vic. They got your truck.

Looks as good as new.

Not a scratch on it.

Well, where's breakfast?

Not a scratch?

The rear axle's broken.

Well, I'll get it fixed. It's only fair.

- Forget it. Give it a decent burial.

- You don't want your truck?

You don't get it, do you?

I'm moving. Away.

Moving? What do you mean, moving?

You haven't been here 24 hours yet.

- What's wrong?

- I don't know. That swamp.

In the summer, it must be

a swing club for mosquitoes.

The county sprays.

It's no problem.

Those lines,

they're too close to the house.

They cause hair loss,

lumbar ecstimiosis...

...post cortical lesions and impotency.

It's just a myth.

The power company wouldn't

put them up if they were dangerous.

Of course, it's your right to move,

I guess.

But as far as I'm concerned,

I'd honestly like you to stay.

You would?

Well, to tell you the truth...

...I haven't got

any friends around here.

I mean it.

As crazy as last night was...

...even though I hated your guts

through most of it...

...I really had...

...a good time.

Good time.

I can't remember a better time

on any Friday night I've ever had.

Neither can I.

I bet Ramona doesn't wanna move,

does she?

She's not moving.

You can have her. She's all paid for.

This is another joke.

Of course you're gonna take your wife.

She might come in handy.

- Who says she's my wife?

- She's not your wife?

- Whose wife is she?

- I couldn't care less.

If you want her, she's yours.

With my compliments.

Well, I gotta pack.

It's been nice knowing you.

Enid. Open this door.

It's open.

Where's Enid?

What the hell's going on in here?

Why was that door locked before?

Where's my wife?

She's your wife.

Oh, yeah? Well, you know

what Vic just told me?

- What?

- He's moving.

Moving away.

And leaving you here.

He said I could have you.

What do you think about that?

- Sounds exciting.

- I'm serious.

So am I.

For God's sake,

Ramona, cover yourself.

Come on.

- People just don't do this kind of thing.

- But we could.

Don't worry about Enid.

She's not around.

We won't be disturbed.

Come on, before it gets cold.

I can't.

I know. You're worried about Vic.

No, I'm not worried about Vic.

- He's next door packing.

- All right, baby.

- Baby, watch it. All right, sweetheart.

- Oh, boy.

One time.

All right. All right, sweetie.

Pull out, babe, pull out. All right.

All right. Looking good.

Pull out, babe, pull out. All right.

Jesus, what a case.

Two minutes ago, he said

he was moving away.

I think Vic was right about you.

About what?

He said up is definitely not

your direction.

- Is that what he said?

- Yeah.

Okay, we'll just see about that.

That's my little sweetheart. All right.

All right, dive, baby, dive.

Let's see a screaming dive. All right.

- Hi, neighbour.

- Hi.

Now, I'm just gonna go under

the covers and take a little inventory.

- Promise you won't go away.

- I promise.

What beautiful performance. Beautiful.

Watch that mixture, watch that mixture.

All right, all right.

All right, that's my sweetie.

Good, climb, baby, climb.

Come on, Earl.

I can't concentrate. It's Vic's plane.

That's it. Watch it.

Watch that mixture, take it easy.

Good. He stopped.

Earl. Earl, come quick!

Where are you, are you

upstairs? Earl?

- Vic, what happened?

- We're losing the house, babe.

Vic's house is on fire.

Did you call the fire department?

My phone's dead.

Your phone's dead too.

Water, water.

Look. Look, there's no fire.

It's a trick.

Oh, it was terrible.

I had her up to 100 feet.

Everything was great.

Then the controls jammed.

I think it was that tower.

- My signal couldn't get to the servos.

- Poor baby.

The motor cut out.

I knew it was in the soup.

She went into a vertical spin,

hit the power lines, bounced up.

And then she climbed 300 feet.

You should've seen her.

She was magnificent.

She just sort of stopped

and hung there.

Then she nosed over and came

straight down into my attic.

- The fuel pods exploded in seconds.

- Jesus.

I stamped on the flames,

and everything spread so fast.

That old house is like a matchbox.

If you hadn't had the keys to the car,

he could have driven to a phone.

- What about his truck?

- You broke his rear axle, Daddy.

All right, here, then. It works.

Go ahead. Call the fire department.

You see, he won't even use

the phone.

This is just another one of

his cheap tricks.

Isn't that right, Vic?

Look at him, Enid.

You're fawning all over a fake,

a phoney and a fraud.

- Hey, brother, how about a beer?

- No, thank you.

Look at that thing go.

- What's wrong with the water?

- No pressure. Can't you see?

- Well, what can we do about it?

- I know what we can do.

- What?

- Get some marshmallows.

Enid. Elaine.

Relax. They're all gone.

They left in your car.

Elaine had a key.

Vic made a trade.

All of them for me.

It's been less than 24 hours since

you and Vic moved in next door.

- It seems like years.

- A lot has happened.

You gonna miss Vic?

Vic?

I don't know.

He was fantastic in bed.

Until I got in it.

You know, it's really great

that you can...

...admit things like that

in your relationship.

You're really wonderful.

That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Is it so hard having your fantasies

come to life?

There's not a single living thing

left on this road...

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