Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising Page #4

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what they do, but what I do

is facilitate the act of

partying in this house.

What?

So let's rage!

Missed you guys.

These are the rules for

a successful sorority.

Rule number one.

Use these money buckets

to keep track of your cash.

Five buckets a month

equals house rent.

Rule number two.

Keep getting pledges and you

can dress them up like idiots.

Minions! Minions!

They got a hilarious

army of f***ing Minions.

I love Minions, and now

I have to hate them.

They're making me

hate something I love.

Rule number three.

Throw the type of parties

that show what you

guys are all about.

Hillary Clinton.

Joan of Arc orders

you to pass the joint.

First Lady Hillary Clinton?

Or Senator Hillary Clinton?

Or future President

Hillary Clinton?

Oprah, we're out of beer.

Everybody look under their chairs.

You're all getting beer!

You get a beer, you get

a beer, you get a beer.

I love you, Oprah.

Could you please be quiet?

- Shut up!

- Shut up!

I cannot tell you

how thankful I am...

I love you so much.

It's not fair!

They're too young!

Why don't they shut up!

- Just stop it!

- Stop it!

Shut up!

Please.

Please!

We're begging you!

All right, listen.

I cannot shut down a sorority that's

trying to become independent.

Why not?

It's a PR nightmare.

What's the nightmare?

For example,

"Sexist female dean

shuts down sorority."

That is reverse sexism.

Which is, in and of itself,

a sexist thing to do.

There's no such thing as

reverse sexism, Mr. White Man.

Oh, okay. Hey, don't

talk to me like that,

because I am Jewish.

I am a minority.

Well, less of you.

Like Labradoodles.

Okay.

Look, if they get three strikes

they have to shut down, right?

As far as I'm concerned,

they have infinite strikes.

I see we're playing outside

the rules of the system,

so why don't we go to Plan B?

Here's a little something

to change your mind.

Mmm.

Do we have a deal, chancellor?

No.

You know what, f*** you!

Unleash the hounds, sweetie.

That's how you talk

in front of your daughter?

Oh, I think we know

how to be parents.

She's a baby, She doesn't

retain any of that sh*t.

Well, yes she will.

No, she doesn't.

Watch.

F***, f***, f***.

F***.

What's she watching on her iPad?

Goodfellas.

Ha, ha, ha.

Jokes on you.

I don't know what she's

watching on that iPad.

What are we gonna do?

We have an inspection soon.

The buyers could literally

drive by at any moment,

say, "Oh, the house

has a few leaks,

"and there's 20

f***ing psychopathic

"teenagers living

next door."

We're gonna have two houses.

And then we'll have no houses.

And then we're screwed.

We're totally screwed.

Hi, sweetie. Hi, baby.

Hey.

We just got to get rid of them.

I couldn't talk to those girls.

No. We had middle

ground with the guys.

We could talk to the guys.

Yes!

They look at us like

it was like their grandparents

walked into that house.

Right? Stella is not gonna

turn out like that.

No.

No.

She'll be our best

friend forever-Yeah.

She loves talking to us.

Yeah. We're a team.

Right, Stella?

Come over here, Stella.

Come here.

Honey, wanna come over here?

What the f***? What

the f*** is wrong with her?

Play with your toy, sweetie.

Play with your toy.

Just keep playing with your toy.

Give him a kiss.

You know who kids listen to?

Their parents. Celebrities.

Their parents.

What's up...

Hey, Dad!

You started a sorority?

You're supposed to

be living in the dorm,

not in some old

dilapidated mansion!

This is what you want?

You wanna live like some

sort of a drifter murderer?

I can do whatever I want here.

Dad, that's the

point of college.

I'm my own parent.

When did you start

talking like Eminem?

I'm gonna talk like this.

I'm gonna talk like that.

This is ridiculous!

Look at that pizza,

how old is that?

The cheese is moldy on that.

Cheese is mold.

I can eat it,

whenever I want it.

God, have you

inherited my stupid gene?

Look at you.

So you get to be just

as dumb as boys now?

Is that what you learned here?

You are going back to the dorm!

No! This is where

I chose to live.

It is only Kappa Nu.

Looks like my

little girl's growing up.

Thanks, Dad.

I can buy your girlfriends and

you some brunch, if you want?

I kind of need some new jeans.

Oh, we can go shopping then.

Yeah, cool.

How did it go? Yeah.

They gonna be cool?

Did you punish them or whatever?

I tried my best, but

there's nothing I can do.

What do you mean?

What?

Ah. You'll know.

When they're two

years old, you can

get them to do

almost anything you want.

Get a little bit older, and

it's harder to control them.

I do not understand

a word she says.

But it was good to see her.

- The house is so quiet without her.

- Oh...

I'm fine.

Gosh.

Beautiful child.

Can I hold her?

No, no, no. That's okay.

That's great.

Is that a dildo

dressed as a princess?

Nope. That is a popular children's

cartoon character of today.

Thank you for trying.

- Hey, meanies!

- Hi!

You called my parents?

Yes, we did call your parents.

Yes. We did.

We actually did.

Oh, really?

It's 30 days!

It's just 30 days!

It's 30 days! Then

we won't be escrow!

Then we'll be out of your hair!

It's 30 f***ing days.

It's all we're asking for.

It's on.

No, no, no.

No.

Nothing's on.

Why would it be on?

No, it's on. But we're

turning it off.

If we turned it on, we can turn it off.

Can we just turn it off?

It's on.

Hey, Mac!

Hey, Mac!

Great! I see more

of you have moved in.

This is private property.

You're trespassing.

Hey, Mac.

Looks like Beth needs some

suntan lotion on her.

I think she's okay.

Leave me alone.

You're not going.

Where am I?

Oh, no.

I killed a girl!

I'm on painkillers,

motherf***er!

Kappa Nu!

What the f*** is wrong with you?

Get away! Go away!

Get out of here, you animals!

This isn't working!

You're only making them sexier!

I don't like it!

I don't like it!

What the hell was that?

Was that a bird?

What the hell is that?

Oh, no!

Oh, God! Tampons!

Oh, that's filthy!

Stop it, you animals!

Get off! Stop it!

Oh!

Oh, my God! Mac!

The other window is open!

That was really funny!

Where'd you guys get

so much fake blood?

Oh, from our vaginas.

That was real?

Yeah, it was our uterine

wall sloughing off.

You just threw...

That was really gross.

Ugh. Why'd

you do that?

That was way over the line.

Whoa. That's,

like, super sexist.

It was really f***ing funny.

You would've been like,

"It's so funny,"

if it was a bag of d*cks-

"Look, it's a bag of

d*cks on the window!"

No, that...

A bag of d*cks.

Yeah, you got me.

That's funny.

A bag of d*cks.

Here's the deal.

First inspection, tomorrow.

We need help-We have

to get rid of the girls

tomorrow, from the house,

between 10:
00 and 5:00.

Exactly.

If our home owners see these

girls, our escrowment's gonna end.

And these girls are f***ed, man.

They're from

another f***ing planet.

Yeah. They're

worse than the guys.

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