Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising Page #5

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Look. Brainstorming

sesh starting now.

Guys, a play on a classic.

We "hoes before bros" them.

No, no, no.

No. That's not gonna work. Why?

Because you put hoes before bros.

Always. Yeah.

It worked with the guys. Why

won't it work with the girls?

Because girls are

much smarter than guys!

That is sexist!

- That's not sexist.

- What is it?

Not when it's against guys.

That's not sexist.

I don't even know what's sexist.

Hey, men's rights.

No, f*** you!

Are you okay?

Why are you itching?

What's wrong with you?

Did you get poison

oak or something?

Here's the deal.

We got bedbugs.

- No! Gross!

- Oh, my God!

I'm sorry. I come

to this restaurant.

I don't wanna be embarrassed.

That's even worse!

Don't embarrass us!

It's gross!

Hey, it's fine, okay? We're

dealing with the problem.

We tented our house. We have

to be out for three days.

This is such a good idea.

These clothes have so many bedbugs.

Just shut up, we just

gotta infest them fast!

Here's some more pledges.

They're bedbugs!

Boom!

These are my best pants!

I don't care about

your f***ing pants.

All I care about is bedbugs.

Get it in. Hurry.

It's so hot in here. Can't

see in this f***ing thing.

That sheet has so many bedbugs.

I feel them!

I can feel them! Get it off!

Oh, my God!

Hello, hello!

We're entering!

Put on your clothes!

Hi!

Hi!

Welcome!

Hello.

Great! Good to

see you guys!

Good to see you again.

Welcome back!

The place looks great.

Yes.

I brought my boyfriend by.

Just kidding. It's the mold

inspector, the old mold king.

You don't think there's

actually mold here, do you?

We kind of smelled a little something

weird when we were here before.

Just wanted to

double-check.

Why not, right?

Yeah.

Great!

Cool.

That's why we're here.

What's going on

over there, by the way?

New tenants?

Yes, a new family

moved in next door

and they're just doing

a little fumigating.

Very nice, quiet, lovely family.

Family, huh?

It must be pretty big. That place

is huge, like eight bedrooms.

It is.

It is.

This is a very religious family.

They're Jewish,

and they're lovely.

Yeah, why did you

just do... You know?

Anyway, they're lovely.

I think there they

are now, actually.

- Look! It's our Jewish neighbours.

- Oh, hello-

Proof they actually exist.

And she's pregnant.

Got another

little Jew in the oven.

Why don't we start

the mold inspection?

Come into your house.

Come on in.

Come into your home.

Why don't we start in your kitchen?

Yes.

This place is weird.

Yeah.

Uh, Teddy, where are

you gonna be staying?

Uh, right now?

I'm helping a bunch of

girls build a sorority.

They're moving

into our old house,

so I'll probably

just move in with them.

It's a big step forward for me.

Okay.

Yeah.

That's super weird.

It's actually not weird.

It's actually super normal.

Whatever makes you happy, right?

Darren, can you

back the f*** off?

Whoa, whoa,

Teddy! Relax!

I finally found somewhere

that I'm good at,

where I'm valued!

You want to criticize that?

What I was saying is that

it's just a little weird

for a grown man to be helping

a bunch of girls

make a sorority.

Doesn't that sound crazy to you?

No... Did you know that sororities

don't have the right to party?

You know, there's no

legal right to party.

Yes, there is a legal

right to party...

Garf! Back me up, Garf.

Man, just leave me out of it.

Okay.

Look, I'm your best friend.

I'm just trying to be honest.

Oh, yeah?

Well, took you long enough.

What's that supposed to mean?

You didn't tell me

your biggest secret

through all of college, man!

Where is this even

coming from right now?

You told Garf first!

He was bi-curious

most of sophomore year.

He was the logical

person to tell!

Sometimes you gotta suck a dick

to realize you

don't like sucking dick.

You're just mad

because you're f***ing lost.

The rest of us,

we've moved forward.

Garf's a cop, Scoonie's

got his own business,

I'm getting married.

And you're moving

into a f***ing sorority.

You know what?

Those sisters are better brothers

to me than you ever were.

You're not my brother.

Don't say sh*t

you can't take back.

Bros before hoes.

Don't call them hoes.

That's not cool anymore.

All right, ladies,

we gotta talk finances.

Okay, it's really serious.

The fumigation took

so much of our money

that we're down to

two money buckets.

And I don't know what

we're gonna do about it.

Okay. What if we use our

Minions to make us money?

Oh, no. Their plates are

full cleaning the house.

Ahhh!

Maranda.

Doesn't your brother sell weed

on some farm outside of town?

Yeah, I did say that.

My brother, Daffodil.

Why don't we spend all of our

bucket money on Daffodil's weed

and sell it at

the tailgate this weekend?

Holy sh*t!

F***, yeah!

We can make it

rain on them hoes!

I love that idea!

We can make T-shirts

with glitter glue.

Kappa Nu.

- It's not a good idea.

- I like it.

It won't make enough money.

Excuse me?

Everyone at the tailgate's

gonna be selling weed.

I got it.

We're gonna corner

the market on weed

by ratting out every other

drug dealer in town.

That way Kappa Nu

is the only group selling

weed at the tailgate.

F*** yes!

F you guys!

That sh*t's brilliant!

Guys, guys...

Guys, this is really risky.

- We gonna sell...

- Weed!

- We gonna smoke...

- Weed!

What we gonna sell?

Weed!

God damn it! God damn it!

God damn it!

You're acting like children.

You need to listen to me.

I've been down this road.

I know what I'm doing.

And I have some wisdom- And I feel

like I'm protecting you guys.

Am I right?

Teddy. We just voted and we've

decided it's best for you if you go.

When?

Just now.

With our phones.

What? No.

No.

No, you can't do this to me!

I thought we were sisters.

We were supposed to be a team.

Why is this happening?

You can't do this to me!

I quit my job!

Well, we didn't

tell you to do that.

I liquidated my 401 K for this.

What's a 401 K?

I don't know, now!

Look, I'm so happy

that you helped us

get to this place that we're in.

You really let us spread our

wings and fly as women.

This is all I have!

I thought we were

in this together.

You're not like us, dude.

You're an old person.

No, you're right.

I've been playing

for the wrong team.

I'll be seeing you around.

Okay.

I wasn't, like, too

harsh on him, was I?

No, no. You were fine.

You were great. You were good.

It's fine.

Well, now that Daddy's gone,

time to get feisty.

Hello? 9-1-1?

I need to report

three different addresses

that are currently

selling marijuana.

Yes, ganja.

Get on the f***ing ground!

Put it in your mouth!

Yeah, you like it, don't you?

Watkins, what are

you doing, man?

This is your training day!

What's training day?

This is your training day!

Get down!

You're not in

the Academy anymore, private.

Oh, sorry.

Oh. You guys gotta come

to the precinct with us.

You ride in the car.

We got bottled water.

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