Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising Page #6

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We'll stop at P.F. Chang's,

Chipotle, whatever you need.

Passing that mold

inspection was a miracle!

Praise be.

Yeah. No sh*t.

If they drive past here and

they see the girls, it's over.

The worst part of

this whole f***ing thing,

I'm so stressed out,

all I want to do

is chill out and smoke a joint,

and my dealer doesn't have any weed.

He's f***ing dry!

Good luck finding any.

- Jesus Christ, man!

- Whoa!

How the f*** did

you get in here?

None of that matters right now.

I want to help you guys stop that

sorority before it gets too late.

Really?

That's right.

I'm switching sides.

Nice! That's awesome! Cool!

Yes!

FYI, Kelly, I'm still down.

Stop it.

Okay. I know

you're not gonna f***.

It still hurts my feelings.

He's just having a joke.

Kappa Nu has cornered

the market on weed.

Oh, no!

Oh, God.

Oh, yes!

Until Monday, they are

the only purveyors

of weed in the greater

Ardendale area.

Holy sh*t! Do you think they'll

sell me some? Oh, my God-

No.

F***!

They have seven pounds of weed.

They can sell it for $50

a gram if they want to.

That's over $1,000 an ounce,

$16,000 a pound.

All said and done, if they move

it all, that's over $112,000.

Dude.

We should do this.

You're incredible at math.

Nah, I suck at math.

I'm good at weed.

It's the same thing.

No, this is weed.

Just pretend it's seven

pounds of meat, just try it.

Why would I even be buying meat?

I don't know.

You're hungry.

Are you talking burgers?

Steaks.

How much does a gram

of steak go for?

I don't know. Why would I

be selling grams of steak?

Fair enough.

Their plan is to sell

the weed at the tailgate.

And believe me,

that's enough for them

to stay in the house

through your escrow.

God.

What do we do?

If we steal their weed, they

won't be able to pay the rent.

All of the members

that they've recruited

will have to rush

other sororities,

and that will be that.

What's in this for you, bro?

Yeah.

Honestly, I just

want to be valued.

Well, it begs the question.

How the f*** are we supposed to beat them?

There's 15 of them!

No, they have 15 individuals.

They're not a cohesive unit.

They don't understand the most

important rule of sisterhood.

There's no "I" in sorority.

Yeah, there is.

There's two actually.

Actually, there's just one.

No, that's a "Y."

No, in the middle.

That's an

Two "I"s, straddling the "Y".

S-O-R-R-I-A-Y-O-R-I-T-Y.

What?

There's a "U" in there that

you guys are all missing.

S-O-R-R-I-R-O-I-T-I-T-Y.

Sorriroi-tity? KELLY:

That's how you spell it.

You think the "tity" is silent?

Look, we're all getting

sidetracked right now!

Guys, bottom line is

we need to figure out a way

to infiltrate that tailgate.

Tailgate?

Tailgate.

Tailgate.

Tailgate! Tailgate!

High pie!

Yes, you.

Come on! Pot pie!

Weed for women!

It's only 20 bucks!

Kappa Nu weed.

It's charity weed.

High pie.

Come on!

It's just $20 a slice!

Come get your pie!

Pot pie, guys!

First off, you look

f***ing horrifying.

What? It's a clown, man.

People love clowns.

Jesus f***ing Christ!

Stop doing that!

Don't do that again.

Okay? I will give birth.

Guys, listen!

Here's the plan.

I'm gonna get up on stage

and I'm gonna dance,

distracting the girls

just long enough for Mac

to run around

and steal the weed.

Kelly, Paula, I need you

both to drive getaway.

I can't have you running around

here 'cause you're pregnant.

Wait, just you dancing is enough

to distract the entire sorority?

I don't know about that.

That'll work.

It usually works.

I don't even know

where we are right now.

Okay.

I'm ready.

All right.

Oh, sh*t! F***!

What's wrong?

Damn it.

No! I don't have

the baby oil.

What's the big deal?

No, it's the most

important thing!

With baby oil, you get,

like, two extra lines here.

Really?

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

God damn it-

All right, let's go!

Ooh, that's hot!

Oh, that's really hot!

Ow! It burns!

Rub that sh*t in.

All right, rub it in.

Rub it in.

Jeez.

Oh, my God!

God bless you, kid.

Kelly?

What?

What the f*** are you doing?

We're in a rush, Mac.

Come on, Mac. Get his thighs.

Okay.

Yo, what's up!

Clear the stage,

clear the stage!

I got something to say.

This song right here goes out

to my girls in Kappa Nu.

I know we've been going through

some rough times lately.

But I love you.

DJ, let's shake that booty.

You got this, right, Beth?

Yes, I got this.

I'm right here.

F***!

No! He showed dick!

Oh, no!

The weed!

Oh, sh*t!

It's all gone!

Oh, my God! It's all gone!

It's all gone!

Chester the f***ing

Cheetah took our weed!

Get the f***ing bag of weed!

Get the weed!

God, I hate clowns!

Get out of the way!

Get another exit.

Find the exit!

I'm blocked!

I'll get another car!

Go! Go!

Oh, No!

Move, move, move!

F***!

Get out of the way!

I got your weed!

Move!

Which one is it?

Where's the weed?

Give me the f***ing weed!

Who's laughing now, clown?

Who's laughing now?

Ow! Stop!

It's garbage!

It's not weed!

Oh, f***!

The weed! The weed!

Go for it!

Oh, sh*t!

Okay, wait! Mac,

you can do this.

4-20!

Oh, f***!

On your right!

Take it!

I'm All-State track

and field, b*tch!

Come on!

Come on!

Hurry!

On, sh*t!

Here she comes!

Free weed! Take it! Free weed!

Weed for everyone!

Free weed!

Free weed!

That's all our weed!

How are we gonna pay rent?

You're really turning me on

with your muscles right now.

Two pounds coming!

You look...

Are you in pain?

They're just a little heavy.

Yeah. Yeah.

I love you! Sh*t!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Ah!

Oh, f***!

- This is a f***ing shame, but

it's also pretty fun. - WhOO...

Thank you, dude.

Yeah.

Dude, those girls

were out of control!

No, those girls were out of

control until we controlled them.

You really controlled them.

You have to remind yourself that

any situation is

actually controllable

because parents are smart and kids,

by comparison, are f***ing stupid.

You have it figured out.

You can't do anything

until you know the answer

to one simple question.

"Who is Teddy Sanders?"

Mmm.

It's a very important

question to ask yourself.

Before I got anywhere

in life, I asked myself,

"Who is Mac Radner?"

And I said, "Who are

you, Kelly Dhundee?"

Your maiden name's Dundee?

No, it's got an Dhundee.

Like Crocodile Dundee?

It's "Dhundee." It's a

different name altogether.

I know it's a different name,

but it's just a coincidence.

Crocodile Dundee.

It's nothing like it!

No. Nothing like that.

But anyway, that's what you need to know.

Who is Teddy Sanders?

Buddy, what are you doing today?

Yeah, what's your...

What your overall

game plan here?

Just in life.

I'll probably play

some games on my phone,

and walk around for a little

bit until I tire myself out,

then go to sleep in my car.

Probably.

So sad.

Um, do you wanna

maybe crash here?

Really, I won't

take up too much room?

You could sleep

in Stella's room.

She takes up this much space.

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