Never Been Kissed Page #24

There's a deafening silence. The kids are amazed.

ANITA:

Okay. Any questions?

INT. SCIENCE CLASSROON - LATER

The Kids all have bananas and condoms. They are in various

stages of putting the condom over the banana. Anita walks

among them, clearly more comfortable with her role now.

ANITA:

Okay. I know it's hard.

Titters from the group.

ANITA:

Difficult. But safe sex is really

important. I try to practice it

every day.

Josie reacts.

ANGLE ON KIRSTEN & KRISTEN. Their condoms are snugly on

their bananas. They stare at Josie.

KRISTEN:

wait, rewind. Do you really think

she hooked-up with our Rob? They're

so--different.

GIBBY:

Sometimes opposites attract.

KIRSTEN:

Yeah. Look at Bert and Ernie.

WE ANGLE ON ANITA. She's walking authoritatively up the

aisle towards the front.

ANITA:

So just..imagine the bananas are

the real thing.

She takes a rather large banana off a desk and looks at

it. She snorts.

ANITA:

In a land called "every man's

fantasy".

She looks up, sees the real MISS KITTERMAN

(we can tell from the model of a uterus she carries),

standing outside the door and waving. Without missing a

beat, Anita pulls down a shade on the door and locks it.

ANGLE ON:
JOSIE AND TRACY still struggling with condoms.

TRACY:

God, I can't do this.

JOSIE:

Maybe because we're not supposed

to be having sex with bananas.

TRACY:

You know what, though? I feel like

I'm really ready to do it. To have

sex for the first time.

JOSIE:

Wow. That's big. I mean sex is a

really big deal. You shouldn't do

it until you know you've found the

right person.

ANGLE ON SAM, listening. Josie is oblivious.

JOSIE:

You know, Adele penguins pick one

mate. They spend their whole life

looking for that one other penguin

and when they find it, they know.

That's the penguin they stay with

for the rest of their lives.

TRACY:

But I'm not a penguin.

SAM:

It's an analogy.

A surprised Josie looks up to see Sam next to her. She

lets her condom go. And it flies off her banana into his

face. Josie turns to Tracy.

JOSIE:

Excuse me. I have to go die now.

The class is interrupted by Sydney over the loudspeaker:

SYDNEY (O.S.)

(over speaker)

Hey guys--Sydney again! Don't forget--

No going into the library cuz of

that little asbestos problem. And

about prom—

Everyone freezes. Dead silence.

SYDNEY:

Really bad news. We just got the

word from intelligence-- Northglen

High is doing the Millennium too!

Complete chaos. SCREAMING terror. A GIRL faints. Sera

squeezes her banana so hard it oozes out of its skin. Other

KIDS are beating their bananas against desktops. Brett,

the football player, absentmindedly peels his banana and

begins eating it.

SAM:

All right guys, let's calm down.

Calm down.

(no response)

Sit!

They all do, including Anita.

SAM:

Now look. Let's focus. Prom theme.

We need a new idea.

ANITA:

OH! How about "Under the Sea?"

She's met with a round of "boos". Anita reacts.

ANITA:

Well excuse me.

SAM:

What about the "Roaring Twenties"…

or "The 80's"?

The Class lets out a GIANT GROAN on that one.

GIBBY:

What do you think we are? Amateurs?

GUY:

Josie.

SERA:

That's not a theme.

GUY:

No, Josie will have the answer.

A long beat. Expectant faces all turn to Josie. She looks

at Tracy.

JOSIE:

How about--'

(coming to her)

meant for each other--Famous couples

throughout history?

Another beat as the Class considers.

GUY:

(smiles and nods)

Yeah. That's it.

The Class suddenly CONCURS.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes