Never Been Kissed Page #5

RIGFORT:

You enroll on Friday.

General crowd hubub. Josie's in shock.

JOSIE:

Oh. But--I'm not a reporter yet...

RIGFORT:

And none of these geezers could

pass for a day under 40. Have fun.

And Rigfort exits.

INT. JOSIE'S OFFICE - MINUTES LATER

Josie is so excited she can hardly speak to Anita.

JOSIE:

It's finally happening, Anita! I'm

going to write!

Anita looks concerned.

JOSIE:

My own undercover feature - "Written

by Josie Geller".

ANITA:

Jos - Maybe you should turn it

down.

A beat. Josie's face falls.

JOSIE:

You don't think I can do it.

ANITA:

No - It's just a lot of pressure

for your first piece, that's all.

I mean, it's not a half-page

article, it's a major undercover

piece, Jos. Look what Rigfort did

to Dutton - and that guy's his

cousin!

Gus enters.

GUS:

Don't worry, I'll straighten all

this out.

JOSIE:

But I don't want it straightened

out.

GUS:

Geller, this is way out of your

league.

Josie takes in Anita and Gus.

JOSIE:

Okay, just so I'm clear here --

neither of you think I can do this.

ANITA:

Jos, that's not what we're --

JOSIE:

Anita, when you wanted to seduce

the guy in the mailroom and you

didn't think you could learn Spanish

fast enough, who quizzed you on

your verbs?

Anita looks down, chastened.

ANITA:

Senorita Josie.

JOSIE:

And Gus - when you picked up

knitting, who showed you how to

hold the needles?

GUS:

(sotto)

YOU DID.

ANITA:

(to Gus)

YOU KNIT?

JOSIE:

So, this is my chance.

A beat.

GUS:

I'm not holding your job for you,

Geller.

Josie jumps up and down and hugs Gus, who is clearly

uncomfortable.

GUS:

Don't make me send you the memo on

hugging in the workplace.

Josie smiles. Gus exits.

ANITA:

I do believe in you, Jos. Anything

you need, I'll help you out.

Josie sits, motions to the brown paper bag.

JOSIE:

You can start by handing me that

bag.

Anita does. Josie sticks it over her face, flips her head

between her knees and starts hyperventilating again.

CLOSE UP on Rob, wearing his Tiki Post outfit. He shakes

his head.

ROB:

No. Uh, uh.

PULL OUT TO REVEAL HIM STANDING WITH JOSIE ON THE SIDEWALK

IN FRONT OF -

EXT. TIKI POST - DAY

Josie's shiny Buick is parked right behind Bambi at the

curb.

JOSIE:

It's just for a couple of months.

ROB:

You can't just "borrow" my car for

a couple of months! That's like

ten years in Bambi life!

JOSIE:

I'll give you my Buick Le Sabre.

Rob rolls his eyes and enters the store.

JOSIE:

You can name it whatever you want.

INT. TIKI POST - CONTINUOUS

Josie follows Rob into the store. He turns.

ROB:

Wow. This must be big.

JOSIE:

I got an assignment from the paper.

I'm going undercover. Back to high

school.

Rob starts laughing uncontrollably.

JOSIE:

What!?

ROB:

Do you remember high school?

JOSIE:

It was a long time ago -

ROB:

Don't you remember what they called

you?

Slowly Josie's face falls. She looks very far away.

ROB:

Josie -

INT. A HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY (FLASHBACK)

It's packed with kids. Everyone stares off-screen at chants -

ALL:

Josie Grossie. Josie Grossie. Josie

Grossie.

INT. TIKI POST - SAME

Josie looks stricken.

JOSIE:

Josie Grossie.

ROB:

I know. I came up with it.

(beat)

You look nauseous.

JOSIE:

Nauseated. I look nauseated. Oh

God.

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