Never Been Kissed Page #8

Josie looks around in panic, sees a student in a South

Glen South windbreaker with huge ram on the back.

JOSIE:

We were--sheep--farmers. We raised

sheep. In Billy-Bali.

Josie realizes the trouble she's gotten herself into.

JOSIE:

Oh my God.

(caught)

Oh my God--do I miss Billy-Bali.

(beat)

It had--a really great...aquarium.

She sits. Defeated.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY - LATER

Josie rushes down the hall, still toting her enormous bag.

A huge banner - SOUTH GLEN, OUR NATION'S BEST PROM - hangs

prominently. She talks covertly into a hand-held tape

recorder.

JOSIE:

Note to self--Research Bali. Kill

Anita for picking out this outfit.

Find and destroy sombrero.

INT. CLASSROOM - SAME

Josie and her enormous bookbag enter. She takes a seat

toward the back of the room.

Kristen, Kirsten and GIBBY, another beauty, enter and head

to the back of the room.

Kirsten and Gibby stand over Josie, staring at her.

KIRSTEN:

We sit here.

JOSIE:

Oh. Sorry--I didn't know these

were assigned.

GIBBY:

They're not.

Josie quickly gathers her things and moves one row forward,

next to two empty seats. TWO STONERS shuffle over to Josie.

STONER 1

Sorry. We sit here.

JOSIE:

(indicating two

empty seats)

Couldn't you two--sit there?

STONER 2

Right. Except there are three of

us--

The Stoners eye each other, then the two seats. A look of

horror comes over Stoner 1.

STONER 1

Dude--we left Jed at the 7-11!

(beat)

Again!

Josie picks up her stuff, moves to the last empty seat in

the room-in the front row, surrounded by "" who all wear

orange Denominator sweatshirts.

Sitting next to Josie is ALDYS, a Denominator--intense,

wise, with a whole bunch of math medals on her sweatshirt.

She smiles at Josie.

Josie smiles back and looks up as MR. COULSON enters the

room. He's a ruggedly handsome twenty-something Yale grad.

He grabs a notebook out of his bag, goes around to sit on

the front of his desk, sipping coffee from a Styrofoam

cup.

SAM:

Hi, everyone.

(Spots Josie)

I don t think we've met. I'm Sam

Coulson- although for some reason

the school has this thing about

not letting you guys call me Sam.

JOSIE:

(shyly)

I'm Josie. Geller. I think the

school would probably be pretty

comfortable with you calling, me

that. Josie.

Sam smiles.

SAM:

Josie since you're new--I love to

drink my coffee during class, and

since I allow myself to do this, I

allow everyone to bring beverages

to class as well.

(a beat)

welcome to Shakespeare's "As You

Like It."

(beat)

Okay. How many of you actually

read the assignment last night?

About five hands go up.

SAM:

Not bad. Now how many of you spent

more than thirty minutes eating

salty snack foods?

Twenty hands. Sam laughs.

SAM:

Man. If I could just get you guys

to read while you eat.

Sam opens his book. Aldys notices Josie has no book. She

moves next to her.

ALDYS:

Here. We can share.

They share a smile.

SAM:

'As You Like It" is an example of

a Shakespearean--

Sam turns to the blackboard and starts writing. We CU on

his butt, hardly discernable in his loose 501 jeans, all

the girls swoon.

SAM:

Pastoral Comedy. Anyone know what

that means?

An enthusiastic, if slightly dim girl, SERA, waves her

hand.

SERA:

Oh oh oh! That's what they do to

milk!

SAM:

That's pasteurize, Sera. But close.

Same letter--

(tapping three

fingers on his arm

a la charades)

--three syllables--

SERA:

Parakeet?!

ALDYS:

(sotto to Josie)

There's a minute of my life I'll

never get back.

Josie smiles at this.

SAM:

Okay, anyone else---

Josie can't contain herself.

JOSIE:

Pastoral means set in the country.

Originally seen in the Eclogues of

Virgil. It's from the Latin pascere.

To graze.

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