Never Say Die Page #8

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you too, Mr. Kidley.

Mr. Kidley.

You have tricked us.

Oh, this. Smirnov, I didn't

know myself. This is all...

That's right. Until yesterday,

he thought he was a dog.

Really?

This is wasting time.

Yes. Mr. Kidley,

I do not like your face.

Yeah, well,

if you had a face,

I wouldn't like it either.

That is an insult,

yes?

Yes!

All right. Mr. Kidley,

I challenge you...

Now, wait a minute!

I apologize. And I also

apologize for that poke

I gave you after the wedding.

What are you

apologizing for?

Don't take that from him.

He's trying to pick a fight

with me. He wants to

shoot me full of holes.

Oh! Well, well, don't

get mad at him. Smile.

Huh!

[Whispering]

Something physical.

Ah.

Mr. Kidley, if I should

take this pigeonette...

and push it in your face,

what will you do?

Why, I'd get so mad,

I'd probably...

How mad?

Uh, well, sorta mad.

Not very!

No, I'd be more hurt

than anything else.

I'd probably go away

and never speak to you again.

[Poultry Clanks Plate]

[Inaudible Whispering]

Ah.

[Chuckles]

Ouch!

Why, you...

[Nervous Laughing]

There.

How do you like that?

- Not bad. I like it.

- Yeah, that's very cute.

Do it to me, Mr. Smirnov.

[Both Laughing]

Are they wearing this type

this year? Ah... l...

Why, you,

I oughta push in your...

Push in my what?

What?

Oh, you can't make him mad,

no matter what you do.

See?

[Nervous Giggle]

Uh...

Very good natured.

[Both Laugh]

See?

Nothing bothers him.

Does it?

No.

All right, Mickey.

I think we sold him.

Okay.

All right.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

This time I think up

something for myself.

Your dessert, monsieur.

Crepe suzette.

Mrs. Kidley,

I do not like your shoes...

I do not like

your dress...

and I do not like

your hat.

Oh! My new hat!

How do you like that,

Mr. Kidley?

Why you, l...

Let it go!

Let it go? Just a minute!

[Waiter]

This gentleman here!

Now perhaps, uh?

Your Highness,

you're a cutie.

[Crowd Exclaiming]

Everybody is a witness!

I have been insulted!

Oh, no! You haven't been

insulted yet. You have to

be good natured too.

Coffee...

cream...

and asparagus

and peas.

Now you have been

insulted.

Oh, you did it for me!

That proves it:

You do love me.

Sure I do, Mickey.

But what's the difference now?

Now, listen, Smirnov...

[Mickey] We didn't mean it.

We didn't mean to throw

all those things on you.

Mr. Kidley, my seconds

will call on you.

We meet at dawn

at the Three Dead Oaks.

I'm sure I'll never

find the place.

We will take you there.

[Clicks Heels]

Did he say "Dead Oaks"?

Dead Oaks.

Mr. Kidley.

Yes?

Please to stand up at

that end of the field.

That end?

His Highness does not like to

shoot with the sun in his eyes.

Oh, that's all ri...

How do you like that?

That guy Smirnov kills me.

You said it.

He's supposed to be my second.

He's supposed to be on my side,

isn't he?

Pistols.

Oh, those are the...

Heh-heh!

This way, sir.

He will be ready soon.

Don't hurry him.

Very good.

Reload, please.

Only this time with

a little more umph!

Come.

What are you doin' now?

I'm reloading

the pistols.

With real bullets?

Yes, madam.

The kind that spread.

L...

Hey.

Jeepers, stop shaking.

I don't know why

you worry about this.

I'm in great condition. You

know that. This kind of a thing

wouldn't bother me a second.

I just... Jeepers, l...

Ivan, massage

the arm there.

No, no. Massage

the trigger finger.

All right.

Mr. Kidley!

Oh, John!

John, wait!

Hey, Jeepers!

Juno.

Oh, John!

Oh, John, dear.

These are from us.

Me too, Mr. Kidley.

Ain't it wonderful?

We're gonna be married.

She swept me

right off my feet.

I can't believe it myself.

He's whittled his way

right into my heart.

Yeah, we found the bonds

you left me, Mr. Kidley.

Oh, no. This time

it's really love, John.

Good-bye, John.

[Chuckling]

Good-bye. Good-bye?

You got everything

all fixed now?

Yes.

All you got to do

is tell him this:

There's a cross on

the muzzle of the pistol

with the bullet...

and a nick on

the handle of the pistol

with the blank.

Oh, I see. Oh, yeah.

That's great.

Gimme that again.

There's a cross on

the muzzle of the pistol

with the bullet...

and a nick on

the handle of the pistol

with the blank.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

There's a cross

on the muzzle...

It is a question of honor.

I will call you.

...and a cross...

No, a nick on a bullet.

Huh-uh. On the handle.

And...

Cross on the muzzle of

the pistol with the bullet, and

a nick on the handle of the...

Courage, sir.

Mr. Kidley!

Yes?

You're not

gonna die!

I'm not gonna die?

You're not gonna be shot.

Oh, that's fine!

Let's get outta here!

No, wait a minute.

Jeepers, you stand

right over here.

Yes.

Don't let them see us.

Promise me.

No, miss.

I fixed it, see.

You have?

When you pick out the gun,

remember this.

Yeah?

Remember:
There's a cross

on the muzzle of the pistol

with the bullet...

Yeah?

And a mick on

the nandle...

I mean, a nick on

the handle of the pistol

with the blank.

Oh, Mickey.

Give that again, quick.

Yeah.

There's a muzzle on the cross

of... I mean, a cross on

the muzzle of the... on the...

Mickey,

this is my life.

I'll save it.

There's a...

Don't get excited now.

Kretsky.

Kretsky,

we cannot lose.

Huh?

One of the pistols

has no bullet in it.

What?

It is marvelous!

But how do you know

which one?

It's very simple.

There is a cross on

the muzzle of the pistol

with the bullet...

and a nick on the handle

of the pistol with the blank.

[Chuckles]

Brilliant, Your Highness.

Superb. What an idea.

A nick on the muzzle

of the pistol with the...

No, no, no.

I said, there is

a nick on the handle.

Your Highness

distinctly said,

a cross on the handle.

No, no. I said, there is

a nick on the bullet on

the handle... You see?

[Man] Attention.

The principals will now proceed

to the center of the field.

Mr. Kidley, please!

They're ready

for you, sir.

All right.

All right.

I've got it. And a mistol

on the nozzle of the pistol

with the blank.

There is a cross

on the handle of the muzzle

with the bullet.

No. There is

a cross on the handle

of the nickel... nizzle?

No! And a nick on

the pullet of the whistle

with the blank.

Yeah, all right.

Stand away. I think

I've got it. Yeah.

Yeah?

There's a noss on

the crizzle of the mistol

with the pillet...

and a pullet on

the nozzle of the nickel

with the blank.

There's a cross on the puzzle

of the mistol with the bullet.

There's a...

[Whimpering]

[Both Click Heels]

Gentlemen,

select your weapons.

- There is a nickel

in the cuzzle...

- Huddle on the...

handle of the bullet

with the pretzel.

Here, here, gentlemen.

Come, come.

[Together]

There's a cuzzle on the muzzle

of the bullet with the blanket...

and a whistle on the panel

of the noodle with the cross.

Shut up!

You shut up!

Now, really, gentlemen.

This is no time

for incantations. What?

- Cross!

- [Whispers] No!

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