Newlyweds Page #8

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Like a sexual situation.

Having a 2 on 1, with

you know, two guys at the deli.

Yeah, I don't want to hear that.

I don't have those fantasies

About two guys at the deli.

Do you?

No! I don't have any

fantasies about 2 guys at the deli.

I mean, there's the girl at Starbucks,

not so bad.

Like I said... better to keep

these things to yourself.

Wow... you look amazing.

Why didn't you say

"yes" when I asked you?

Ask me now.

Ask me again.

Ask me again, right now.

You know, you were

the only thing that I ever wanted.

We could have been

so happy together.

We could still be

happy together.

How can we be?

I'm married, now.

So get a divorce!

Who gives a sh*t!

You're still in love with me.

I can't. Why not?

You've only been married

a few weeks.

It's not even real yet.

People get divorced every day!

It's not a big deal.

Oh f***, you don't understand.

We're having a baby.

That's why I got married so fast.

I'm having a baby.

What?

In a few weeks.

I'm gonna be a father.

I'm angry at Linda because...

she said she wants

to be with me now!

But it's way too late.

I asked her to marry me.

I... I gave her my.. My heart.

And she just didn't take it.

Um...

I really wanted to spend some time...

With ah... Linda.

And uh...

I'm... Im happy though, it

turned out the way it did.

I wouldn't be able

to live with myself.

Uh... you know... now...

now your just picking on me, alright?

Hey! Three towels...

three towels, wet on the floor.

Uh... proof.

Look, I used that towel, first

of all, alright. That's not...

no you didn't.

No, because you always

Hang your towels up half

his and hers.

What are you saying?

That she purposely...

used all three towels and then

threw them on the bathroom floor?

Yes, exactly what Im saying.

Why would she do that?

Because I asked her

very nicely not to,

And she clearly doesn't like

to be told what to do.

I think you're starting

to get a little paranoid

But here.

Give me the towels.

I will go clean them, alright?

Baby. It's not about the towels.

I just...

can we talk about like a...

a check out date, for her?

Oh my..

What am I supposed to say to her?

Just ask her how long

she plans to stay here

And then maybe suggest

that it be a shorter

Amount of time

rather than a longer.

Is Thursday fair?

Thursday would be great.

Thank you.

I'm going to go take a shower, now.

And use a washcloth

to dry myself with.

I will do some laundry.

My sister is annoying, occasionally.

Buzzy's sister is on a...

whole other level.

She'd try the patience of a saint.

You know, this kind of sh*t,

is the stuff that guys...

can't get their

head around.

I mean really, who cares if you lost

my coat or you used too many towels.

I think for guys...

you know, almost anything goes.

Maybe with exception of

sleeping with um...

you know,

one of your ex-Girlfriends.

That's probably the only

thing that's out of bounds.

Hi.

Hi.

Come on in.

You know, as an actor...

I once heard a line

Live life boldly, and extreme

forces will come to you.

Linda's a pure force, man.

Pure force.

You know what I really need?

What do you need?

I really need a drink.

I'm sorry, look, I don't

have it on the home.

But I don't have a

lot of minutes

What is real, you know?

Just like the way

you and I are real you know,

Sparce and raw, as you can see

There's not a lot of stuff

That I keep so I

don't really get distracted

So I can just focus on work.

It is really f***ing sexy

When you talk like that.

We shouldn't be doing this, love.

We're kind of like family?

No, no! We're not.

We're not related.

No! But you're my ex-Wifes'

sister in law.

That's a relationship that they

would not encourage. Oh. Oh.

Particularly your brother!

This, this is not a relationship.

Now, take me to the bedroom, or

do you want to talk about it some more?

Upstairs.

Okay. Watch your head.

God it's... dark.

No, no.. Wait, wait!

No. No. Don't go up there.

Alright.

Is so sad!

What part?

Oh...

the whole f***ing thing is sad!

You said it's 15 years?

I did get one... when I was

in Hamburg but it cost... money.

Right. Is your wife, like,

is she still living upstairs?

She gonna live upstairs.

I gonna live down here in the studio.

You know...

I'm gonna do something

really nice for you.

Let's go.

Let's just... do it right here.

Oh... sweet Jesus!

You awake?

Yeah.

Still crying.

No.

Want to talk about it?

Not really.

Can I ask who my rival is?

He is just some boy I used to know.

You could have

told me about him.

Why?

What does it matter to you?

Yes, Linda did cry the

first time we had sex but...

to tell you the truth, that's not

the first time that's happened.

You know, I uh...

whatever it is,

I just seem to have that sort

of impact on women.

Hey babe, look. I don't think she ah..

Is gonna be home tonight

So why don't we uh...

you know, have a little make up sex?

What do you think

I think it would be good for us.

I know babe, but Im... just... Im

really not in the mood, tonight.

Oh, I can get you in the mood?

You want me to uh... slip under the covers?

Go downtown and uh...?

I can get you in the mood pretty quickly.

Sounds great,

and I think we should do it when she leaves.

After Thursday.

Touch!

I don't want to think of it as

withholding sex or punishment.

I'd like to think of it as um... incentive.

To get his sister the f***

out of my house.

So, guess what?

Max brought somebody home with him

To the studio, last night.

What?

Yeah.

Oh my god. You are kidding me.

No, no. I'm not.

I could hear them.

Oh my god!

I know! I mean,

I couldn't be sure, but,

You know,

it was pretty f***in' obvious.

Oh, Marsha. That is really too soon!

I know!

I can't stay in the apartment.

I mean, if hes gonna do

sh*t like that, I...

Listen. Can I stay with you guys?

Just for a little while.

Yeah, you know ah...

Buzzys sister is still staying with us.

She's in the spare bedroom, though, so

you could go on the couch?

The couch?

Do you remember

what I did for you,

When you went

through your divorce?

How you moved in with us?

And I held you every night

while you cried yourself to sleep?

You remember that?

Yeah.

Put that little bitty on the couch.

Full sisters get dibs

over half sisters.

I mean, when would it be to soon

for me to start dating?

Well, I waited a few months.

I know, but you were young.

You could afford to.

Oh. Do I need to get waxed?

I mean, what's this um... Brazilian...

oh god.

Do I need to do that?

Uh... I just want to do all the things

that I haven't done in years.

You know, and I want to do now...

like... like tonight!

You know, maybe it's gonna be good.

I mean, I think in a way...

there are, you know,

possibilities out there

That could be fun and exciting and...

who knows.

I'm more grown up and

much more experienced.

What the hell is this all about?

Please don't tell me you two...

this is happening!

It's not what you think.

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