Nice Dreams Page #2

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water in a long time, huh?

Ooh, yeah. There you go.

Ooh, Oaxaca.

Ooh, sensi.

How are you, my darling?

Oh, God, your buds are getting so big.

I have to get you a training bra.

You got some lint

in your belly button there.

There you go. All right.

Okay, you guys, be cool.

[HUMS]

MAN 1:

That's it. Smile nice for the camera.

All right. Got you, now.

MAN 2:
Mother Coop,

this is 2-Henry-10, come in.

MAN 1:

Come on, nice little smile,

you weedsuck er, you.

MAN 2:
We got the suspect

dead bang in the front bay window

sniffing the evidence.

WOMAN:

Ten-four. Maintain surveillance.

MAN 2:

Ten-four.

[MEN LAUGH]

MAN 2:

We got him. We got him, we got him.

[HUMS]

Hey, that was a good riff

you guys were working on, man.

That little jam there.

Yeah, well, we just gotta add

a little part to it.

We're gonna probably

put a bridge on it, right?

Hey, look at the Job papers.

We got a little deal here.

Where'd you get them?

I got a deal with them, man.

I met one of the representatives.

Yeah?

And he wants me to try out

his papers for a year.

Yeah?

Yeah, and let him know how they work.

And what do you get?

Just get more papers.

Oh, yeah, that's heavy.

Yeah, I save a lot of money, man.

I go through a lot of papers.

Hey, Ray, we need

some more wine, too, man.

Yeah, okay, what kind

do you want this time?

Oh, put some of this fussy p*ssy.

Oh, man. Come on.

Oh, that's nice. That smells good.

Fussy p*ssy?

Yeah. It's French, man.

Oh.

Hey, is that maid

still working here, man?

RAY:
Yeah, man, but...

CHEECH:
How hungry are you guys?

RAY:
Man, I could eat a whale.

She said that she refuses

to clean your room.

I know. She ain't made

my bed for a week, man.

What's going on with that?

You couldn't pay her

to go in there. I'm sorry.

Hey, when's Don getting back, man?

Don said he'd be back

around Christmas for a day.

Yeah?

Then he's going out, uh...

Well, he just finished

Madison Square Garden.

Then he's gonna go to, uh...

He's got a date in Miami.

Yeah?

Then he's gonna go to...

Well, he's got Dublin.

Yeah?

And then he's gonna

go over to London,

and then he's gonna

go to Switzerland.

And then he's gonna

go to Scandinavia.

He's got a weird date in Guam,

and he's gonna end up in Borneo.

Dude, you like this medium-rare?

CHONG:

No, raw.

Didn't he already go to Borneo?

RAY:
Well, he went there once,

but they called him back again.

CHONG:
This is burnt, man.

Oh.

Well, hold on and I'm gonna

make some pizza, man.

Put some cheese on it

and it'll be good.

You like pickles on tortillas? Ray?

Yeah, man, I'm so hungry,

I'll even take that.

I forgot about Australia.

Here's our pizza, man. Really good.

Watch out, it's hot.

Oh, man. Don't feed him that sh*t.

Hey, man, that's good, man.

After he gets to Australia,

then he goes to, uh...

It's burnt. Look here.

Ay, God.

He's got a long, long,

involved tour, man. I mean...

He's never gonna be home, huh?

No, no, we're cool

with the pad for a while.

When he does get home,

he's coming back to the studio, and...

Have you talked to

that accountant lately? I mean,

like, I don't want to complain,

but we haven't got our cheque

in, like, a couple weeks,

and we can't do this sh*t for nothing.

I talked to him yesterday.

What'd he say?

He said your money's on the way.

All right.

And I'm thinking

about a raise too, man.

[ALARM SOUNDS]

There goes

that smoke alarm again.

Hey, I told you not to smoke

that sh*t in the kitchen, man.

It's that cooking, man.

Better get two bottles

of fussy p*ssy, man.

[SINGS]

[###]

Hey, man, remind me

to get some more vitamin B12.

Vitamin B12?

Yeah. And some Gro-Mulch, too.

What for?

Well, for them plants in

the game room, man.

They're getting a little droopy.

Piss on them.

Hey, man, show some respect, man.

That's a cash crop, se.

No, I'm serious, man. Piss on them.

What?

I read somewhere, man,

that if you pee on a plant

it'll do better because

of some kind of vitamin

in your pee.

I just read it somewhere.

Yeah, you got a point there, man.

Just let your hair grow

and nobody'll ever find out.

Piss on them. Psh.

Hey, there could be something to it.

CHONG:
You know what I think

we should invest in, man?

CHEECH:

What?

CHONG:
A rest home for old hippies.

CHEECH:
Yeah?

CHONG:
Because, man, hippies have

been around since the '60s, man,

and there really isn't, like, a hip place

for them to go when they get real old,

you know?

You know, the way I see it,

it's like a regular rest home, except

you got all the dope you can smoke.

Like, we could call it

Laid Back Manor.

Yeah. Hey, great. Yeah.

That'd be heavy.

Because, you know, I mean, like...

What do people do when they get old?

They usually keep them stoned,

laid-back.

They could nod off.

Yeah, nod off, man.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

CHEECH:
Hey, man, listen.

When we talk to Weird Jimmy,

let me do all the talking, okay?

CHONG:
Yeah.

CHEECH:
Because he gets spaced out.

Just... Whatever I say,

just go along with it, okay?

CHONG:
Yeah, okay.

CHEECH:
Because he gets zoned.

Just let me do all the talking.

Everything'll be cool, all right?

CHONG:
You know

what I wanna do when I die?

What?

I'm wanna get cremated, man.

Yeah?

Then I wanna get my ashes

put in a baggie, you know.

Yeah?

And then I wanna have all my friends...

We'll have a party and everybody will

smoke me. Mix it with some good sh*t.

Remind me not to be one

of your friends when you die.

Or you can snort me too.

Ugh.

Or shove you.

Oh, he's doing great, huh?

Yeah.

CHEECH:
Hey, Jimmy!

What you doing, man?

Making a peace pipe?

What's happening, homes?

This place is getting weirder, man.

No sh*t.

Hey, how you been, Jimmy?

Hey, you know those buds

you gave us the other day?

They were great, I swear to God.

Small. Small.

Hey, man, those were the biggest buds

I ever saw. Do you think we could

get some more of those, man?

Those are really good, I swear to God.

We gave them to some of our friends...

[ELECTRIC BUZZ]

Damn, electric weed, man.

It'll be monster weed, huh?

Those buds you gave us,

they were very hip.

I swear to God, we were

doing these tests under

clinical party conditions.

Like, we gave them

to a bunch of our friends.

So, do you think... They'd like

some more... Do you think we can

get some more of those buds, man?

No. No. No buds.

No buds. No buds.

Hey, we're, like... They're not for us.

They're, like, for needy weedheads

that got glaucoma.

Like these disabled vets and stuff

like that. We've been...

[BUZZES]

Uh, well, you know,

hey, we could pay for them.

Uh, we just need some.

Because they're really asking for it.

If it was just for me, I would say no...

JIMMY:
No.

CHEECH:
No?

Uh, well...

Yeah, you think you could part

with just a few?

We'd pay for them, I swear to God.

No. No.

No. No.

Please, man...

Aha!

Yes. Yes.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hey, all right. Thanks a lot, man.

You're a really good dude, man.

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