Nice Guy Johnny Page #2

at some special shop downtown.

- Okay, my man, that settles it.

I am picking you up at your hotel,

tomorrow morning.

- I know what you're trying to do,

Uncle Terry,

and I'm not interested, okay?

- Wait, you're not interested

in spending a little quality time

with your uncle?

What would you rather do?

You're gonna spend two days

in your shitty hotel room and do what?

I'm offended, man.

- Okay, you don't stop, do you?

Thank you for the drink.

I appreciate it.

- Look, I wanna spend

a little time with my nephew!

That such a bad thing?

- Next time. Okay?

I'm gonna take the train to my mom's,

then I'm gonna get some rest.

- What better way to get some rest

than to hang poolside with your uncle?

Listen to me,

I'm not taking no for an answer.

- All right. Okay. 9:00 a.m.?

- Let's make it 10:00, all right?

Just to be safe.

And do me a favour, lose the hat, okay?

You're too young to get married,

and too old for that f***ing hat.

- Right. Thank you.

I'll see you tomorrow, all right?

- There he is!

What do you say, buddy?

- What's going on?

- How you doing, man?

- What's your deal?

You did say 10:
00.

Because I said 9:00,

you said 10:
00, then--

- I apologize, I got a, uh...

I got a phone call last night

from this girl I know.

She's out in Jersey, so...

You could say I hit

a little tunnel traffic this morning,

if you know what I mean.

- Tunnel traffic. Nice.

- Look, by the way,

what the hell are you

doing staying in this dump?

- I got a good deal online, so...

- Do me a favour,

next time you come to New York,

do your uncle a favour,

give me a call,

let me hook you up, okay?

- All right. Thank you. Thanks.

Look, you don't mind

if we head downtown first, right?

Pick up the handbag?

- Let me ask you a question.

What would happen if you returned home

without this... pocketbook?

- Well, I wouldn't be

a man of my word.

Would I?

- A man of your word?

- Yeah, I told Claire I'd pick it up.

So I should really honour that promise.

- Okay. Well, I'd hate for you

to have to compromise your integrity.

Let's go get your bag.

- There. Took like two seconds.

- Yeah, you're a standup guy.

Can we go now?

- Yes. Did you get me one?

- You like ice cream?

Johnny, listen to me.

I don't want to spend

a lot of time here, all right?

'Cause I told the ladies

we'd get out to the beach by 4:00.

- Ladies?

What are you talking about?

You said it was just gonna be us

hanging by the pool.

- Yeah, it is just going to be us.

And this sweet little thing

I met last week, so...

- No, you said ''ladies.''

You said ''ladies'' just now. Plural.

- Look, I'm assuming

she must have some friends.

Or maybe one friend in particular,

who I heard is very hot.

Look, I know,

you don't even need to talk to her.

I know you don't roll that way.

So it's cool.

Don't even worry about it.

- No, that's not cool!

That's not cool, Uncle Terry, okay?

If you're trying to set me up,

I'm not down.

Don't be a dickwad!

- What do you mean a ''dickwad?''

- You're being a dickwad, okay!

If that's what you have planned,

I'm not going!

- I'm joking around with you, all right?

- A toast, to Johnny.

I'm so proud of you,

my baby boy.

Agreeing to take this job.

That takes courage.

- What is this job

that you two are so excited about?

- It's a good opportunity.

- No, it's a great opportunity.

- It's a good opportunity.

It's something Claire set up for me -

or her dad, rather.

- You know what I'm not hearing

in your voice at all? Excitement.

- Yeah, it's not exactly what I wanna be

doing, but the money's potentially good.

Gets me back to New York. So...

- Yes, and that makes his mother

very happy. Right?

- And Claire and I have an agreement

that, um, when I turn 25,

if I'm not making $50,000,

I'd let her dad set me up

with an interview

at his friend's company.

- Whoa, wait a second.

So this job has nothing to do

with sports or radio,

or anything that you care about?

- No. It's, um...

for Moving Made Easy Cardboard

Box and Corrugated Products.

- They do boxes, packing supplies,

shipping cartons, things of that nature.

It's a great opportunity, Johnny.

- To say nothing of the benefits.

- It's cardboard f***ing boxes, though?

I heard that correctly?

Cardboard boxes?

What the f*** are you thinking, man?!

- Hey, it's a good job. And good money.

- It's not. Know what a good job is?

Talking sports on the radio.

That's a great job.

Every other dude in America

would love to have that gig

and you're gonna walk away from that?!

- Clogging the airways

with mindless debates

about who should be batting fifth

in the Giants lineup?

It's hardly a job. It's a hobby at best.

- Yeah, I'm with you guys.

It's an awesome job.

Okay, I love it.

But it's not gonna pay the bills.

- So you move

into a smaller apartment.

Eat out less.

Take the bus on occasion.

- Right.

- You realize you're encouraging him

to stunt his personal growth?

To remain a child.

Do you really want him

to end up like you?

Still running around

like some horny teenager?

- Hey, jealousy

will get you nowhere, Frank.

- Are you insinuating

I wanna sleep with other women?

I'm married to your sister,

you animal.

- Let me ask you a question.

Why are you doing this?

- I gave her my word,

Uncle Terry, okay?

- If I'm not making $50,000--

- Yeah, yeah. I know.

Who came up with this timeline for you?

- We did.

- Bullshit!

- We did together, okay?

- Why do you need

to be making $50,000 right now?

- Because he's getting married!

And they wanna start a family, you know.

And all that costs money.

- This is bad, Johnny.

This is real bad.

I do not like what I'm hearing at all.

This whole job situation,

not a good thing.

- I appreciate the thought.

But I dunno why we're talking

about this. I've made my mind up.

On Monday, I'm going to the interview

and if I'm lucky, I'll get the job.

- Atta boy!

- All right, guys, well, thank you.

That was a blast, as always.

- Bye.

Hey, listen. No funny business

with your uncle, okay?

No wild parties.

- Mm-hmm. We got it.

- He's a good boy. Don't corrupt him.

- Don't worry about it.

We're just gonna get some sun, alright?

- Listen,

call me on Monday after your interview.

I wanna hear how it goes. Bye.

- You got it. I love you.

- Be good.

That's to you!

- Cheer up, Frank!

It's not that bad, buddy!

Now, look,

I know she's you're mother, okay?

She's also my sister and I know her

a little bit better than you.

Take it easy, sis!

She wants you to get a blowj*b

this weekend.

- Really?

- You know that.

- Really? That's nice. That's my mom.

But you got a smile

On you honey

And you got eyes

that'll light up the night

Now they're winnin'me over

Lettin'me know

There's something else

Something more...

So this lady friend we're visiting,

obviously not the same one

from last night?

- What can I say, man?

I'm a lucky man.

- So I guess it's safe to assume

this isn't gonna blossom

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