Nice Guy Johnny Page #3

into a serious

and meaningful relationship.

- Well, as serious and meaningful as

one can get with someone who's married.

- Wow! You know what?

Good for you. Good for you, Uncle Terry.

- Look, as shocking as this may sound,

man, it happens all the time.

- But don't you feel bad for her husband?

- Her husband? Uh... no.

Why exactly would I feel badly for him?

- Because he probably doesn't know

someone's having sex with his wife.

- Yeah, I should f***ing hope not!

- No, it's wrong, Uncle Terry.

It's cheating! It's cheating.

You're engaging in deceit and deception.

That can't feel good for you.

- It feels fine. In fact, I got a hard-on

right now thinking about it.

- Oh, wow. That's nice.

- All right... finally here!

And only an hour late.

- Look, Uncle Terry...

Can I just wait here, please?

- No, you're not gonna wait here.

You're gonna come inside

and say hello like a gentleman.

- Oh, ''like a gentleman.''

That's choice words coming from a guy

that said he had a raging hard-on

a couple minutes ago.

That's a married woman in there, okay?

And you're having an affair

with said married woman.

- I'm not asking you to take pictures!

- And what do you want me to do

when you go in there and start...

fornicating.

- We're not gonna do anything right now.

We're gonna go in and say hello.

Come on. They're out back playing tennis.

- I'm just gonna say hello.

Then I'm gonna leave.

- Where you gonna go?

- Just gonna wait out front.

- Come on. Don't worry.

Got a little surprise back here for you.

I think you're going to enjoy yourself.

There they are.

- Great.

- Oh, Jesus, look at her.

Is that a f***ing sight, or what?

- Please tell me your lady friend

is not the young blond?

- No, my man.

She is for you.

Amy!

- Hey, Terry! Back here!

Look at you, breaking a sweat.

- Terry, hey.

- What do you say, doll?

- This must be your nephew.

- This is him.

The nicest guy in showbiz.

Meet DJ Johnny Rizzo.

- I'm Amy.

- Hi.

- And this is Brooke.

My tennis instructor,

who's been having a fine time

kicking my ass all afternoon.

Brooke, Terry, Johnny.

- Hey, guys.

- How are you?

- So why don't you guys hit some balls

while Terry and I run inside real quick.

I... thought maybe

we could talk about that project?

- Oh, the project, yeah. Good idea.

I was actually just telling Johnny

about that project, wasn't I?

- He was.

- All right.

- Come on. Hit 'em dead, pal.

- Have fun.

- See ya.

- Nice choice. She's a knockout.

- Yeah.

But promise me he's not an a**hole.

- He's a terrific guy. Sexual dynamo.

Runs in the family.

- So you're a DJ.

- Yep.

- That's cool.

- Uh, yeah. Thanks.

I don't, like, spin records

or anything like that. I, uh...

I have a sports talk show,

in California.

- Oh.

- It's... I do it like in Oakland.

Kinda like a suburb...

- Okay.

- ... Oakland? KSPT. ''The K-Spot!''

- Well, that's cooler

than if you were, like,

one of those loser nightclub DJs.

- Thank you.

- So what are you doing

in the Hamptons?

- Uh, I have a job interview, actually,

on Monday.

Not for radio, something else.

I got really lucky - my fiance's dad

found me a great opportunity.

Make a little bit more money

with some benefits, so...

I'm excited...

- I'm sorry...

Did you just say your fiance?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm getting married

in a couple of weeks.

- Wow, congratulations!

- Thanks. Thank you.

- So weird, and kind of a relief.

I'm just...

I thought we were being set up.

- Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, that's my uncle.

He's an a**hole.

He thinks I'm too young to get married.

So he's been bustin' my balls

all weekend.

- Well, are you too young

to be getting married?

- No. No, I'm not too young.

- You look young. How old are you?

Almost 25. Thanks.

- Dude, that is too young

to be getting married.

- That's not too young!

Why does everyone keep saying that?

My parents got married at that age!

-Yeah, how'd that work out for them?

- Okay. Okay, fair enough.

They got divorced when I was eight.

- See? I told you,

too young to get married.

It was the same for me.

My parents got divorced when I was nine.

It's why my shrink says

I only date jerks.

- Ah. Okay.

- Amy said that Terry said

that you are nice to a fault.

- Sounds like him.

- Is that true? Are you nice to a fault?

- I dunno. I mean,

is that such a bad thing?

- All right, Nice Guy Johnny,

let's hit some balls.

- Uh... Ooh... Okay.

It's okay.

I didn't think I'd be doing this!

- That one was high.

- Wow, swinging for the fences there.

- I don't really talk about tennis

on my show, but, uh...

I got a new respect for it,

I'll tell you that.

- You should stop talking about sports

and maybe start playing them.

- Thanks.

Thanks for the positive reinforcement.

- How do you have any credibility

with your listeners?

- I didn't know I was gonna

come here to work out.

If I knew I was,

I would've properly prepared.

Working out?

You call that working out?

- This is hard work, yes!

- You're sucking so hard,

is that what's such a workout for ya?

- I'm done.

How do you turn it off?

- You might be a nice guy,

but you're a terrible

f***ing tennis player.

Guilty.

It's hard. It's hard.

It was nice meeting you guys.

- Nice to meet you too.

- Take care.

- All right. Bye, guys.

- Pleasure.

- I'll see you later.

- You most definitely will.

- Hmm.

- How was that for you?

- You tell me.

- Oh, awesome. He's engaged.

- No!

Oh, Terry.

- You said we were just gonna say hello.

Why did you have to leave me alone

with some strange girl?

- Strange? What's so strange about her?

She seemed like a delightful young lady.

- She was an awful tennis instructor,

for one thing.

And I know what you're doing,

and I'm not cool.

- What am I trying to do?

- I'm getting married

in a couple of weeks, okay?

I know you don't believe in the vows,

or whatever. But I do.

So I'd appreciate if you'd refrain

from setting me up with people, okay?

- Does that mean no double date tonight?

- That's really funny. Do me a favour?

Quit the bullshit, okay?

- Look, you're allowed

to flirt a little bit.

No one's saying you had to sleep

with the girl, but have some fun.

Walk up to the line.

- No, I don't wanna have any fun,

to walk up to some line.

- Can you please at least admit

you thought she was hot.

I'm not spending my weekend

with some closet fruitcake.

- No, I'm not participating in this.

- I need to know that you can recognize

that was a smoking-hot gorgeous gal.

- No, not doing this with you.

- So you're saying she's a dog?

- She wasn't a dog.

- There he is! All right, there's my guy.

He's not a fruitcake. Let's go.

Jesus, what a freaking gorgeous day, huh?

I hope you brought a suit, my man.

- Yeah, I dunno.

I think I'm gonna go for a jog later.

It's nice.

- All right, suit yourself.

I am gonna have a beer,

smoke a stogie and jump in that pool.

- Oh, Uncle Terry, this is beautiful.

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