Nice Guy Johnny Page #4

- Ah... thank you, man.

It is a pretty sweet pad, isn't it?

- Yeah, I'm impressed.

- All right, so look, man, uh...

your bedroom is upstairs,

it's the first door on the right.

And I think it actually has pink sheets,

which you are going to love, I imagine.

So make yourself comfortable.

My casa es su casa.

- Thank you.

- I...

... need to go for a swim.

- Hey, baby, it's me.

- Where are you?

I just spoke to your mother.

Why didn't you tell me

you were going to the Hamptons?

- Yeah, I'm sorry.

It was kind of a last-minute decision.

I really didn't know I was going

until like this afternoon.

- So this was just

a spur-of-the-moment decision?

- Yeah, basically. I mean, uh...

my uncle drove me to my parents' house,

then invited me to come, so...

- Okay, did you at least

check out of the hotel?

- No.

- So we are paying for a hotel

that you're not using tonight?

- Yeah. Sorry. Like I said,

it was spur of the moment.

I can call and probably check out,

if you want.

But I have some stuff still there.

Think it'll be a problem?

- Alright.

This is what I'm talking about.

It's all connected. You seriously got

to start behaving like a grownup.

This is exactly why a real job

with real people

will have a real good effect on you.

I'm not being a b*tch.

I'm just trying to help.

- Yeah, it'll have a good effect.

- So... where are you staying?

- At my uncle's.

- How the hell can he afford

a house in the Hamptons?

Is it nice?

- Yeah, actually. It's really nice.

- He's such a f***ing sleazebag.

Did I ever tell you he tried

to hit on me at our graduation party?

- What?I No, he didn't.

- Yes, he did. I mean,

he wasn't being overt or anything,

but he was definitely

putting the feelers out there.

- Are you sure?

He was probably just flirting with you.

He's kind of a big flirt.

- No, I know the difference.

between flirting and getting hit on.

Trust me. Happens all the time.

Okay, whatever, Johnny.

Just, seriously, please promise me

that you will be back in the city

in time for dinner with my parents

tomorrow night.

- Yes, of course.

- Promise?

- Yes. Yes.

- Okay. I love you and I trust you.

- I love you too.

I just got off the phone with Claire;

you hit on her at our graduation party?

- Who says this?

- Claire.

My fiance? Wow, you are an idiot!

You hit on her?

- I did not hit on her!

I... talked to her.

Maybe I flirted with her a little bit.

But come on, who cares?

- I care!

That's my fiance! That's not cool!

- I'm not allowed to tell a sexy woman

I thought she looked beautiful?

- No! Not when that woman's my fiance

and I'm your nephew! That's wrong!

- But it was harmless, man.

I wasn't gonna actually act on it.

- I should hope not!

But I'm not so sure with you.

- Why not just take it as a compliment,

the two of you?

- Thanks for hitting on my fiance

to pay me a compliment.

You know what? This was a mistake.

I'm gonna go for my jog,

then take the train into the city, okay?

- Fine, man. Fine.

It has been a pleasure, Johnny.

- Yeah.

Thanks for everything, Uncle Terry.

- Excuse meI

Hey! You!

- What can I do for you?

- You can start by telling me

who you are.

- I don't like your tone at all, pal.

Why don't you tell me

who you are first?

- I'll tell you who I am.

I am the caretaker of this property.

I look after the house

for Roseanne Giordano.

- Good for you. I happen to be

a very dear friend of Roseanne's.

- And I happen to be a very dear friend

of her husband's.

- So maybe you'd like

a f***ing medal for that!

- There's no need to get hostile.

I saw a car out front I didn't recognize,

I thought I should come and take a look.

Is that all right with you?

- So aren't you the good neighbour?

Well, now that you have taken a look,

why don't you take a f***ing hike,

as well?

- Oh, you are quite rude, aren't you?

Yes, well, I think I'll call Roseanne,

or maybe her husband

and check up on you, Mr. Um...?

- Cunningham.

Terry Cunningham.

- Yes.

All right, well, excuse me for a moment.

- Go make your call.

- Hello, Roseanne.

Yes, sorry to disturb you,

but Terry Cunningham

is here at the house.

- Are you fuckingjoking me?

He's there right now?

- Yes, he's standing there right now,

by the pool, drinking a beer.

What should I do?

Shall I call the cops?

- No, no, no. Don't do that.

Hmm... Let me talk to him.

- All right.

Roseanne would like to talk to you.

- What you say, doll?

- TerryI

What the f*** is going on?

What are you doing at my house?

- Look, I was in the neighbourhood

and I figured I'd come by to say hello.

I knocked on the door

and I thought I heard something,

so I figured I should check it out.

- Right, then you thought

you'd just take a little swim?

- I thought since no one was here,

what would be the harm?

- Do you realize how stupid this is?

What if my husband

had been there this weekend?

- Then I guess we'd have

some explaining to do, wouldn't we?

- Hey, I do not appreciate this.

You are taking advantage

of my generosity.

And we've talked about this before.

- Doll, I apologize. Just say the word

and I will leave. No problems.

- You're such a pain in my ass,

you know that?

- Does that mean I have to go,

because I was kinda hoping

I could spend the night.

- No.

You don't have to go.

You can only stay the night, though.

Now let me talk to Mr. Williams.

- With pleasure.

- Oh. Thank you.

Yes?

- He can stay the night.

But you just have to make sure

he's out first thing in the morning.

Can you make sure that happens?

- Yes. How does 8:00 sound?

Very good. Thank you, bye-bye.

- I hope you're pleased with yourself?

- I'm just doing my job.

And I'll have you know,

Roseanne wanted me

to tell you you had to be out of here

by 8:
00 a.m.

And wants me to come by in the morning

to make sure you have, in fact, left.

- Nothing would make me happier

than to see your face

at 8:
00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

I look forward to it.

- Smart arse, aren't you?

I'll be back.

Eight a.m.

- Yeah, how do you like your eggs?

- Hey...

- Hey!

- What are you doing here?

- What am I doing here?

What are you doing here?

This is my spot.

- Sorry to intrude.

No, I'm just out for a jog.

- You know what you should do,

you should cut that run short

and come have a beer with me.

- Oh, no, no. I'm good.

Thank you, though.

- Oh, come on, it's just a beer.

Light beer, too. Only 95 calories.

You can maintain your girlish figure.

- Oh, thank you.

No. No, I'm engaged. I, uh...

I don't think it would be appropriate.

- Wow!

Don't you think that was

a little presumptuous of you?

It's just a beer.

- I'm just saying...

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

I'm just... I'm just saying.

- Come on, don't be such a f***ing wuss.

Come have a beer with me.

- All right, one beer.

One beer, if you put it that way.

- Grab a chair right here.

- You got it.

- You got it?

- Thank you, yes.

- All right...

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