Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Page #5

and now you can't get it open.

Fear not, for I shall wait

a thousand more if I must.

Good, 'cause in a few hours you'll be

standing here in a frustrated position,

frozen, and I'll walk out of here

with my buddies and that'll be that.

So, I got all night.

Really? All night? Well!

He doesn't.

Open that cage.

- What are you doing?

- No touching! No touching!

Don't you manhandle me!

- Look, he's having a little tantrum.

- Jed?

Don't you squirm! Don't squirm.

It'll only be worse for you.

- Put him down!

- Don't be afraid.

I shan't hurt you.

I lied.

I don't think he has all night

at all, Mr. Daley.

From the looks of things,

I'd say he has a little over an hour.

Take me out of here!

You were the guardian!

You know all about this tablet.

You're obviously much more clever

than the rest of us.

You may or may not

know the combination,

but I am going to give you

exactly one hour to figure it out.

If you do not,

I shall kill your friends.

And please don't think about escaping,

for I shall be watching you.

Look, I don't even know how to begin

to decipher this thing,

all right? Really.

What a pity.

And your little cowboy friend seemed

like such a charming little fellow.

Ah, well. Tick-tock, Mr. Daley.

Your hour has begun.

Hey! You got this, partner.

I know you do.

You got this!

There you are! Are you all right?

I've been worried sick! Sick I tell you.

- No, I'm fine.

- So what's our next move, partner?

I don't know. I just got to get

this tablet translated.

Oh, great! This guy again.

Look, buddy,

we don't want any trouble, all right?

Look at that!

I guess our sassy cephalopod was just a

fish who didn't like being out of water.

He's not such a ballywagger after all.

Okay. Glad you're happy.

Hello? A little assistance?

- Hey, Teddy! Perfect!

- Yes!

Maybe you could help us.

I'd love to help you,

but first things first.

My nose is so itchy,

it's driving me insane.

I hate to ask, but, as you see,

I'm missing a few body parts.

- Could you please give us a scratch?

- Yeah, sure.

Oh, yes! That's exquisite.

A little over there...

- Yes!

- More?

Oh, yes! Yes! Oh, that's...

Sweet rutabaga pie, that was divine.

Theodore Roosevelt, at your service.

Twenty-sixth President

of the United States, Rough Rider,

founder of the national parks,

and a whole bunch of other stuff.

- Have we met?

- No, there's another Teddy.

- We have one of you in New York.

- Really? What's he like, this other me?

He's pretty much the same,

except with...

Except what? Say it.

Except with a body?

- Yes. He has a body.

- Oh, dash it, the pain!

- And a horse.

- Excuse me!

We really need someone to translate

what's written on this tablet.

- Do you read hieroglyphics?

- Yes, I do, missy.

That's a simple one.

Bird. Man with spear.

Sideways fish. Beetle. Vase.

Okay, and what does that mean?

It means, and this is

just a rough translation,

"A man with a spear trapped a bird

and a sideways fish in a vase.

"And there was also a beetle."

- I don't think that's it.

- That's just one possible translation.

Another possible translation is,

"You will find the combination you seek

"if you figure out the secret

at the heart of Pharaoh's tomb."

- Okay, and what does that mean?

- I don't know! What am I, the Sphinx?

"What's this? What's that?"

Why don't you ask New York Teddy?

I'm sure he'd love to get his grabby

little fingers all over that thing!

Probably let his horse lick it, too!

Mr. Daley, we should be going

to the sculpture gallery.

I think there's someone there

who might have a better thought on this.

The fellow we're looking for

is just down here.

- Bonsoir.

- Hello, young lady.

Hey, excuse me.

Could we keep moving, please?

We certainly could, but then

we might miss a rare opportunity.

I mean, she is a Degas, Mr. Daley.

Okay, it's just I got a little buddy

stuck in an hourglass,

I got a pitch meeting

at Wal-Mart in the morning...

- It would be great if we could...

- He's right here.

I think he'll have a thought on this.

Mr. Thinker, we're sorry

to interrupt your contemplation,

but we really need

to figure out the secret

at the heart of Pharaoh's tomb.

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

I'm thinking.

- I'm thinking.

- It's not happening with him.

Oh, wow.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Check that out!

- Oh, yeah.

- Hey! Hey!

Buddy! Over here! This is serious.

Apparently, it's a matter

of life and death.

I'll tell you

what's a matter of life and death.

That beautiful lady over there.

Hey, baby! Check out the gun show

going on over here!

Firepower!

He's certainly no Einstein.

- Biceps! Deltoids...

- Yeah.

- Wait a minute. I saw a bunch of those.

- A bunch of whats?

- Little Einsteins.

- Where?

Over there, in Air and Space.

I gotta get over there.

What?

- Nothing.

- Okay. Then why are you staring at me?

I don't wanna miss a moment.

All right, good, but we should

get going, 'cause we...

- Why?

- You talk too much, ace.

I don't know why I did that, Mr. Daley.

I just feel as if I've been asleep

for a long time and now, suddenly,

I'm awake.

I can explain that...

But really, I could. I really...

Again, why?

Great, you're back.

Okay. Yeah. Great.

Love theme from Titanic.

Good, but not really appropriate.

You don't let yourself enjoy things

much, do you, Mr. Daley?

Okay, you know what?

It's not really the song choice.

And by the way, you're a little pitchy.

Well, I thought you were amazing,

and you look wonderful.

Could you just fly away, please?

And so the adventure continues.

What did I tell you? Enough!

You know, I do sort of feel

like a floating butterfly.

You are crazier than a road lizard.

Mr. Egypt, these two here heard

that we're taking over the world

and they want in.

I don't know who they are,

but they're on exhibit here,

too, apparently.

I don't even know what they are.

I'm sorry, but we're all full up

in our axis of evil today. Sorry.

Come on! But I'm bad! I'm bad!

Hey, I could show you how bad I am!

Fear me!

I'm sorry. I'm just not buying it.

You don't seem very bad. You just seem

sort of vaguely grouchy to me.

Oh, boy.

What are you doing?

What is that? What is this?

What does it mean? You've lost me.

Is that you breathing?

Because I can't hear myself think.

Can I make one suggestion

to you, my friend? Just simplify.

There's just too much going on here.

You're evil, you're asthmatic, you're

a robot... And what is the cape for?

Are we going to the opera?

I don't think so.

Sorry! Goodbye.

Attention!

He's leaving with the tablet!

Where?

Give me that.

He's not trying to figure out the...

He's trying to escape!

Go. Go! All of you! Kill him!

And bring me that tablet.

Come on, people! Let's go!

Without that tablet, we've nothing!

Streltsy! Go!

Thought you could get away,

didn't you, Larry Daley?

Criminy, we're jimmy-jacked.

- Jimmy-jacked? Really?

- It's the way I speak.

Yeah, I know, but that one

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