Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Page #6

sounds made up, even for you.

"Oh, no, our path has been blocked

by bad people." What's the fun in that?

The point is, we're not getting into

the Air and Space right now.

- You're right. We are jimmy-jacked.

- Jimmy-jacked.

Come on.

They say a good man rules this union.

I promised Jedediah I would bring help,

and help I will bring.

Charge!

Misjudged the distance.

Who's there?

Jupiter, protect me.

Remain very still.

They can sense movement.

Apparently, they can also hear me

talking to myself.

I'm not a nut.

No!

We should be okay in here for a while.

So, how long

have you guarded antiquities?

What? Oh, no,

I don't actually work at the...

I just thought

with the fancy getup and all...

No, I borrowed this.

I mean, I was a guard back in New York,

but that was a while ago.

So why did you leave?

Did you not enjoy it?

No, I loved it. I just...

Things sort of took off

in a different direction, so...

- So what do you do now?

- Well, I sort of...

Well, I sort of design products

and sell them.

- You're an inventor!

- I am.

I am an inventor, yeah. I invent stuff.

Like the rocket ship?

- No.

- The sea plane.

- The dirigible?

- No, not aircraft.

Sort of like more

small-scale stuff, like...

Well, the Glow-in-the-Dark

Flashlight, that was mine.

So this new job, do you like it?

Yeah, I like it a lot.

It's exciting. It's...

- What?

- I'm just confused, is all.

If you're not excited by it,

why do you do it?

- I am excited by it. I just said...

- I know what you said, Mr. Daley,

but what I see in front of me

is a man who's lost his moxie.

I have not lost my...

I got my moxie.

Do you know why I became a pilot?

- I don't, no.

- For the fun of it.

Why else would anyone do anything?

Great Gatsby!

Blast these pigeons

and their incessant cooing!

- No! Mr. President! Sir!

- All right. Time to see the state...

- Please don't get up!

...of this great union! I always say,

leave nothing for tomorrow

which can be done today.

Sir, if you go out there,

you're gonna freak a lot of people out!

Freak? I assure you, sir,

I am no freak.

- No, I didn't mean you're a freak...

- Come here, little one.

In fact, if anyone is freakish,

I'm afraid it's you, sir.

The truth is, you are very small.

And I mean

even for a regular-sized human.

What? Why would you even say that?

I must be honest.

Right. Okay, Honest Abe.

Of course. I'm sorry. Great.

Come, now, Mr. President,

put the little man down

and let's sit our fanny back

in that throne of yours.

You have a can-do attitude,

and I shall do as you ask.

Thank you.

- There you go.

- Thank you.

It's that very can-do spirit that has

defined this remarkable nation of ours.

- Interesting story.

- They're coming.

One night in Gettysburg...

Mr. President, we're gonna need you

to hold still now.

- What?

- Abraham, freeze!

Freeze? I...

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Come on, let's get to Air and Space.

- lf I may,

- you two make an adorable couple.

- Oh, no, we're not...

No, we're not a...

I mean, we're not a...

"We're not a... I mean, we're not a..."

I never lie!

The truth is,

you two are adorable together.

Thank you. Good night.

Farewell, lovely lady

and small, little man.

Now let's see if we can find

these Einsteins of yours.

One giant leap for a mannequin...

D.C., this is Air and Space. We are

back online and fully operational.

The Tuskegee Airmen

are on the march once again.

Can you stop narrating everything

we're doing? Just live in the moment.

The Tuskegee Airmen

are living in the moment!

- Miss Earhart?

- Yes.

- I wanna say thank you.

- What for, Captain?

A lot of people didn't think

we could fly, either.

Thanks for clearing the runway, ma'am.

- Race you to Paris?

- You're on!

No! Not now! We gotta...

- It's just a quick jaunt over the pond.

- No. Gotta find the Einsteins.

Come on, we gotta go.

We don't have time. Come on!

Sorry, it's in the blood.

There she is, Mr. Daley.

Old Bessie, the old family bus.

That gal took me across the Atlantic!

Okay. I think the Einsteins

are over here, though.

This is Mission Control.

Flight check complete.

- Where'd you go? Where'd they go?

- You are clear for launch.

Contact!

D.C., this is Mission Control.

- No, no! No!

- All systems go and green for lift- off.

Roger that.

We are green for lift- off.

No, we're definitely not green

for any kind of lift-off!

- I want a "go, no-go" for launch.

- I say no-go. Let's not go.

Go!

Go!

- Go!

- No! No go!

Torquing angles incoming.

Tone it down with the torque.

Torque it down.

De-torque. De-torque.

Commence ignition sequence.

- Roger that, flight.

- We have launch commit.

- No. No, no, no!

- Ten,

nine, eight, seven...

- Hey, that's mine.

- No, we do not have commit.

Repeat. We are decommissioning

the committal of the launch

and it is now a negatory launch phase.

We are in a no-fly, no-go phase.

That is a November-Gorgon phase

of non-flying!

- Fine!

- And we're gonna say good night.

Thank you. Good work. Over and out.

- Sorry.

- Damn, that was disappointing.

Come on. I'll buy you

a cup of coffee.

Hey, little space monkey.

You're Able. Okay, good. How you doing?

Yes, good. At ease. All right.

You're a polite little fella,

aren't you?

Hey, you happen to know where those

little Einstein bobblehead guys are?

Mr. Daley! I found your Einsteins.

Great. Hey...

Gentlemen, we're trying to crack

the combination of this tablet doodad,

and the writing here says we'll find it

if we figure out the secret

at the heart of Pharaoh's tomb.

That's an easy one.

The answer's in the question.

- What does that mean?

- "Figure out".

It's a figure! I.e., a number.

And the Pharaoh's tomb,

i.e. the pyramids.

Don't you get it, kid?

You're looking for the secret number

at the heart of the pyramids.

Well, whistle me Dixie, the answer's pi!

- Pi?

- 3.14159265, to be exact.

Yes! 3.1495265.

No, no, no, 3.14159265.

Yeah, okay, 3.14...

I'm sorry, I can't tell.

Is it yes or no? Cause you just...

I know it's hard, could you just...

Don't touch the hair.

- Sorry, I can't tell if it's up or...

- I'm a bobblehead, dummkopf,

and that's the way we like it.

All together, now!

That's the way

We like it

You know,

we can't all be Einsteins, so...

- I can!

- We are!

- He is!

- Me, too!

- Okay, all right.

- Okay, here it is.

- Can you slow it down a little bit?

- Okay.

- Okay. 3.14...

- I've got it.

- Thank you, Mr. Einsteins.

- Thank you.

All right. Now, like the brilliant

and famous general that I am,

I thought long and hard

about what you said,

and I've come up with a brand-new

and improved battle plan!

Okay.

I will loudly announce that we are not

going to attack, and then...

Wait for it.

"What's the amazing Custer about to say

now? I hope he's my friend, or..."

We attack!

Didn't expect your friend

to run off like that, did you?

He's coming back, Ka-Ka-Ro.

Sure as moon shines on a mongoose,

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