Nine Months Page #2

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Honey, what?

Who eats fathers?

No one.

Sorry. Sorry.

Just a bad,

bad dream.

Silly, silly dream.

O.K.

You worry too much.

Just relax.

Lie down, O.K.

Lie down.

It's O.K., baby.

Whatever happens,

we can work it out.

I know.

I love you.

I've loved you

since the first moment

I saw you.

You're the only one

I want to be the father

of my children,

whether

it's now or later.

O. K?

Oh...

I love it

when you do that.

Do what?

Ha ha ha!

That thing you're doing

with my knee.

That is so good.

Oh, Samuel.

Stop it.

I love it.

Go on.

But, Samuel?

What? Yeah?

I'm not doing anything

with your knee.

Huh?

Aah! What is it?

Aah!

- Aah!

- Aah!

What's the matter?

Come here, kiddo.

Where you been?

Come here, you.

I'm sorry, folks.

Come on. Get away from him.

I'm sorry, folks.

She's going through

a hiding phase.

It's for attention.

Hey, honey,

you'll get it dirty,

and God knows

what's on there.

Hey, honey,

it's the beach people.

Oh, hi.

This is great. Don't worry.

We didn't bring a kite.

How about another one

of them kisses?

What's going on?

We found her.

We've been looking

for her for an hour.

Honey, tell the neighbors

to call off the search.

You, call the sheriff

before the choppers go up.

We're sorry.

Looks like a full house.

Party time, then!

I'm sorry.

Get back in there.

Listen, um, sorry,

and I'm going to take off.

You'll be here all weekend,

right?

Sounds great.

Good to see you.

You didn't tell me

they were coming.

They didn't

tell me either.

They always

show up uninvited.

I hope they don't

spoil your weekend.

Oh, no.

We'll be fine.

The kids seem adorable.

Oh,

they're monsters.

They're monsters.

See, this is why

I don't want kids.

It's nonsense.

No, what I'm saying is

I think it's such baloney

and such a clich

that the artist

has to be messed up

and have a life

of deprivation,

be an alcoholic

or deprived in some way.

It's how you use, obviously,

with imagination and passion

whatever it is...

I love you.

Well, that's nice.

I think

you're great.

Marry me,

Captain Renaldo.

Who's

Captain Renaldo?

Marry me.

Make me your wife.

We'll honeymoon

in Paris.

Well, I'm not sure.

It's King Stanislaus'

daughter, isn't it?

You're madly

in love with her!

Who?

Don't deny it!

I saw you two kissing!

Brute!

She hit me.

Shannon,

no hitting.

O.K. You run along.

Go play.

We'll talk later.

You weasel!

Oh, God.

I am so sorry about that.

She's been reading

Harlequin Romance novels,

and she's just

obsessed with it.

It's kind of cute.

Isn't it cute?

Lovely.

Not many teeth left,

but cute.

What a puss.

All right, everybody.

I've got an announcement.

Gail and I

are going to have a new baby.

Oh, sh*t. Not another one.

So I'd like to

make a toast.

To my wife, the most beautiful

pregnant woman in the world.

Love you.

Hear, hear!

You could be

the toughest guy,

but when your child

looks into your eyes

and that child knows

you're their dad...

suddenly

it smiles.

It's like...

I cannot explain it.

It's like magic.

Is it magic when they do

that little dribble of vomit

down your shoulder?

I'm sorry

if we're boring you, pal.

Just a joke.

O.K.

Just forget it.

The guy is rude.

Sorry.

What did you say?

You are rude.

Rude?

You think I'm rude?

Yes, I do.

I'm sorry...

It's all right, honey.

Let's just deal

with this accusation.

Like an idiot,

I was under the impression

you were monopolizing

the conversation.

I'm sorry

if I'm a little excited

about my wife and I

having another baby.

Is being excited a reason

to exclude eight people

from conversation?

I didn't realize

this was a frickin'

group therapy session!

How much do I owe?

You didn't realize

you were a crashing bore.

I'll walk over there

and kick your bony little ass!

I'll have

my 5-year-old daughter do it!

Let's drop it.

Marty, he does

have a point,

but just drop it.

Sean, he's a dick,

and you're an even bigger dick

for taking his side

over family.

You and Gail used to

be interested

in politics,

music, art.

Now it's nothing but

kids, kids, kids.

My kids are

very meaningful to me.

When my first was born,

it was my most

exciting moment.

I felt like I really

made a contribution

to this world.

Absolutely.

Congratulations.

The world

is overpopulated.

Our society has too many

starving children.

I would say our society

has too many

starving artists.

It hasn't been

lucrative.

That's true,

but that

doesn't mean

what I do

isn't respectable.

Van Gogh,

while he was living,

didn't sell

one painting.

Now his stuff goes

for $40 million.

How long will you

have to be dead

before you can pay

that phone bill?

Do you come here

to ruin my weekends

and embarrass me

at my home?

Your home?

This isn't your home.

It was our parents' home!

You aren't making

any contributions.

You've got no wife,

no kids.

You insult your

only family.

You keep this up,

you'll die alone,

like a dog,

like a bum,

like Van Gogh.

Hey, Doc,

you all right?

Are you O. K?

Yeah. What?

You don't look good.

You look like

you're going to puke.

No, I'm fine.

Thank you, Truman.

I was just listening

to what you were saying.

Interesting.

That was a key sentence.

Would you mind

repeating it

just so

I can get it down?

You're an a**hole.

Right.

And Dad's a bastard!

Yeah.

Right.

I can't be a father.

I can't.

I ca... I... I...

Why would I want to

have a child?

Just so he can call me a bastard

in 10 years' time?

We'd have to move out.

We don't have space

for a child.

Rebecca and me,

we're wonderful together.

It's just insane

to spoil it.

Just the two of us...

That's how it should be.

This baby is not

a good idea.

That's what I'll tell her.

Beck.

Hi.

Be right there.

Just stay back. Bye-bye.

I'll tell her now.

Hi.

Beck.

Listen, Beck...

Samuel,

I've been thinking...

No. Wait.

Wait. This pregnancy

was an accident.

It took us

completely by surprise.

Right.

We've been doing

really great together,

and a baby

would change everything.

I suppose it could.

Our apartment's

not ready for a baby.

No.

We'd have to

redecorate.

Yep.

I'd have to

quit my job.

Nobody wants

a pregnant dance teacher.

We're not ready

for a child.

There's not one good reason

to keep this baby.

But I still want to.

Right.

Maybe it's crazy,

but I feel it

living inside me.

Oh...

and I really

want this baby.

O.K.

What about you?

What do...

Oh, you mean

what... what...

what do I think?

I'm just saying

how I feel.

So, um,

what do you feel?

Right. How do I

feel on that one?

Well, um...

I feel, um...

I, uh...

I feel exactly

the same as you.

Really?

Yeah.

We won't let it

change us.

No.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

I have to go

to the bathroom again.

It's one of the joys

of pregnancy.

O.K. Oh, gosh.

We're going to

have a baby.

Aw, I'm such a...

I'm such a coward!

Sorry. Forget it.

Nothing to do with you.

Oh, baby,

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