Nine Months Page #5

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dating young girls.

Sam, my life's

a pile of sh*t.

It's a pile of sh*t.

It's empty

and pointless.

My sister Gail

is right.

If I continue

this way,

I'm facing

a lifetime alone

without a family.

I don't want to die

like Van Gogh.

It's terrifying.

If you want

to know the truth,

man,

I'd give anything

to have

Christine back.

That's the truth.

And sometimes...

God strike me dead

for admitting this...

sometimes I think

I'd like to be a father.

Ha ha ha!

Sorry. Right.

No, you're serious.

You'd make a good dad.

Well, you know,

whatever,

but we're

getting older.

I think it's time

for us to...

to face our

responsibilities.

But... But

don't lose Rebecca.

She's the best thing

that ever

happened to you.

Hey, you guys,

it's the 30th.

Hey, you guys,

it's the 30th.

Your membership fees

are due.

My sister

takes care of that.

Oh, really?

Wait, wait,

did she...

did she say

it was the 30th?

Yeah, why?

Sh*t!

Sh*t!

Oh, this isn't

happening. No!

Oh!

Today's our

second ultrasound.

I've missed it.

I swore

I wouldn't miss it!

Uh-oh.

Appointment

was at 11:
00.

I can make it.

Go!

Y-Yeah.

Sh*t.

Oh, sh*t.

Sh*t.

Sh*t, sh*t,

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Oh, sorry.

Dr. Thatcher,

please.

She's in there.

Sir, do I have you down

for an appointment?

Mr. Faulkner?

She left about

Thanks. Thank you.

Would you like

to know the sex?

The sex of the baby?

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

Well.

Does Rebecca know?

Yes.

O.K., then.

It's a boy.

A boy.

Thanks.

Thanks very much.

Mm-hmm.

Great.

So...

that means,

presumably,

you can actually

see his...

whatnot.

Penis.

Penis, yeah,

and it's fine...

I mean, size-wise

and that kind of stuff?

Perfect.

Good.

Lovely.

And I'm assuming

everything else

is as it should be.

You know, lip and eyes

in the right spot, and...

nothing whatsoever here?

Everything

looks fine.

Here. Watch this

with Rebecca.

She forgot

to take it.

Yeah. O.K., good.

This is...

That's actually him?

That's my son?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Mr. Faulkner.

Yeah.

Pregnant women need

a lot of support.

Be affectionate

with her.

Kiss her a lot.

She was pretty

emotional earlier.

Right.

Thanks.

Beck?

Hi.

What are you doing?

I'm leaving.

Beck, wait.

I mean, I...

I know I've missed

a few appointments.

Look, you don't

care about me.

You don't care

about this baby.

You're too wrapped up

in your own feelings

to deal

with this pregnancy.

You're not ready

to be a father.

Where will you go?

Marty and Gail's.

Marty and Gail?

I don't want to move in

with my parents,

and all my girlfriends

are single,

and they don't need

some pregnant person

living with them.

Gail and I have gotten

to be close.

She knows what it's like

to be pregnant.

She'll get me

through this.

And the baby?

I'll raise the baby.

Alone?

Yeah.

I'll get

an apartment.

I can do it

by myself.

B-Beck...

Beck.

The little heart's beating.

Marty, hi.

Is she here?

She never wants

to see you again.

Let me talk to her

for two seconds.

If I let you,

I'll be in the doghouse.

I'll have to

live with you.

You're a great

kisser, but...

Who is it?

It's my mom, honey.

But your mother's dead!

Yeah,

it's really weird!

Marty, please!

Just tell her one...

Just...

What do you

think of this?

Take a look at this.

You're aiming

specifically

at the hotel-room

market now, huh?

You're right.

It's a hotel-room painting.

That's what it is.

It's terrible.

Look at that.

What happened

to the nudes?

Oh, they

weren't selling.

It's cheaper for guys

to buy Playboy.

This is terrible.

Bon voyage.

I deep-six it.

Sleep

with the fishes.

You're

absolutely right.

I can smell the room service

on that painting.

But, you know,

it's you.

You're around.

That's why I'm painting this way.

You're very unhappy.

You're like the antidote

to exhilaration.

If I take

any more of this in,

I'll be painting

cats and clowns.

Is it Rebecca?

You haven't

heard from her?

No, I haven't

heard from her.

I have told you

so many times,

she refuses to see me.

No. She won't

answer my calls,

reply to my letters.

It's a total...

shutoff.

I've thrown away...

thrown away

the most important

thing in my life

just like that.

You need

a new outlook.

No, no, no.

Don't scoff.

Listen...

Forget about Rebecca.

How could you

say that to me?

You reminded me

she's the most important

thing in my life

just weeks ago.

I never said that.

I never...

I never said that.

You said it

at the tennis court.

Oh, yeah.

So what if I did?

That was then,

but it's over,

and you've got to get

on with your life.

Listen to this...

Buy some

new clothes.

I'm telling you,

we'll learn

a new sport,

I'll throw a party,

and you'll meet

some new people.

Come on.

We'll have some fun!

I don't think so,

Sean.

Start with a smile.

Smile,

for heaven sakes.

Well,

that's hideous,

but... but...

but, you know,

that's... that's...

that's the idea.

That's O.K.

There you go.

Ohhhh!

Aren't you a little

old for this?

You want an ambulance?

Watch your step.

Do you want to dance?

No, I...

Come on.

Don't be a stiff!

Thanks

for the ride home.

Pleasure. Pleasure.

Want to come up

for coffee?

No. Thanks, no.

I'm just going to...

shoot off.

Oh.

Do you want

to come up for sex?

Wow. Ha ha ha!

That's...

That's pretty...

direct.

Um...

no. The thing is,

Lili, I think...

you're incredibly

attractive,

but I think it's

just a bit early

for me

to get involved,

so I'll take

a rain check.

Another day.

Arr, matey.

Will ye be taking it

out to drive?

If you travel,

this holds a lot.

You can put

a queen-size waterbed in back.

Ever been

on a waterbed?

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm looking

for Mr. Dwyer.

He's right

over there.

You never have

to worry about hemorrhoids.

I'll be right back

with you.

Just enjoy the car.

Thanks for

coming down, man.

I missed you.

Thanks.

Well, um... this is

very painful for me,

but I want to buy

a new car.

Buddy! Buddy,

it's about time.

We happen

to have a few.

How's Rebecca?

She's great.

You're taking

care of her?

Gail's taking

her shopping,

and they're

exercising.

Then I make them

dinner every night.

Right.

And she's O. K?

Yeah. The first month,

she cried a lot,

but she hasn't

mentioned you in two weeks.

I think she's

getting over you.

This is

the car for you.

Listen, Marty,

I need to see her.

She doesn't

want to see you.

I really have to

speak to her, O. K?

I want her back.

That's going to take

a lot of convincing.

Do something for me.

Just, um... organize

a chance meeting.

Bring her

to a grocery store

or a restaurant,

and I'm there.

I don't know.

Ask Gail if I could

baby-sit your kids Saturday.

You want to baby-sit

my kids?

Yes! It's brilliant.

It will convince Rebecca

that I like children.

That will get me

in trouble with Gail,

and you know

how mad she gets.

Marty, please

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