No Deposit, No Return Page #7

I'm burning down the academy.

Charlie four to C.Q.

Charlie four to C.Q.

Uh, hello Charlie four.

Uh, hello. This is C.Q.

Henderson here. Suspicious

car now entering wharf area.

They have just passed dock 32

and are headed for your position.

Suspicious car headed

for our position.

I heard it.

Stay alert.

This must be them, sir.

There's a little

red car comin'.

There they are.

Have you got the

stocking masks?

No, but I got these.

I'm the clown, and

you're the big, bad wolf.

All right. You're the clown,

and I'm the big, bad wolf.

They're here,

sir. They're here.

Keep talking to me.

I can't see anything.

That, unless I'm

mistaken, is grandpa.

Longnecker, I can't

see out of this thing!

All right. Keep

your eyes peeled.

There are two fellas, sir. One

of them is getting out right now.

He's com... he's

coming towards you, sir.

They-they seem to

be wearing masks.

Yes, sir, it's masks of the

common Halloween variety, sir.

It's another limousine, sir.

Yipe. Sir, it's J.W. Osborne.

Afternoon, sergeant turner.

There's two grandfathers!

It's a trap!

Move!

Stop!

Longnecker, they're

getting away!

Uh, red alert! Red alert!

This is C.Q. To all

units. Red alert.

Look!

Carolyn!

What? What... who are you?

- I want to explain...

- Come on, sergeant.

- We'll get 'em.

- Get 'em, you dummy?

You haven't even got me.

Hold this.

That's not mine.

We're taking your car.

Longnecker, get in!

Call the C.P. And start plan

A.X., priority four west.

Seal the grids as outlined

and be sure... - get in!

Yes, sir.

- Something I must explain...

- t's a police matter.

Don't worry. We'll get him.

That's what I'm afraid of.

- What are you doing here?

- You've got my kids.

- That's what I'm doing here.

- Your kids? You're in Hong Kong.

No, no, no. That's

her, all right.

She and the kids have both got a way

of climbing into other people's cars.

Where are my children? -Your

children are safe, go Osborne.

Which is more than I

can say for us right now.

If it's the money, you'll

get it. We'll pay the ransom.

Money? Well, that's

terrific. Except money

doesn't seem to be all

that important right now.

What do you mean? Are you

the kidnappers or aren't you?

Well, sort of.

Henderson, do you see

them? -I'm looking, sir.

There they are. -Where?

You've just passed 'em. -You

just passed 'em. Turn around.

Where'd they go?

I don't understand this.

You grab a couple of kids,

You terrify everybody, and

you're "sort of" kidnappers?

Well... - kidnappers have

responsibility too, you know.

Responsibility? -Yes, indeed.

You're talkin' about

responsibility? You?

What kind of a mother are you?

You ran all over the world.

I mean, you can't raise kids

by long distance, you know.

Or by schoolteachers, or a maid,

or by a grouchy grandfather.

Or by a Bert. Those kids

are a handful, you know.

There they are!

Duck!

Henderson. Come in, Henderson.

Uh, sergeant, did you

notice you lost your top?

Never mind my top! Did

you see the red car?

Uh, uh... they're turnin'

in at the fish dock, sir.

All cars, all

cars, anyone in the

vicinity, block north

end of fish docks.

Your kids want attention

and affection, and

they're gonna get it

from anybody they can.

That's right, even from a couple

of so-called, "sort of" kidnappers.

What would you know

about raising my children?

Mrs. Osborne, we have just spent

three straight days with your kids.

When was the last

time you did the same?

There they are! -Go!

Look out!

Notify all units.

All units. All units. Subjects

heading west to grid coordinate 54.

All units. All units.

Red car heading west.

Oh.

What?

Move!

Stop! Back up!

That way. They went that way.

No, look!

Move!

All units. All units. Does

anybody have them in sight?

Yes, sir. They're headed

right for my position.

They're coming down pier 27.

They're headed right towards me.

Get somebody to head them off!

Crane operator!

Crane operator!

When I say the words,

"drop me", drop me.

Drop me!

Not me! The bucket!

Start it! Start it!

Ah.

Aah!

Longnecker!

Get us outta here!

There they are!

Step on it!

Look out!

Hey!

Come on, sit up! Aaah!

Aah!

Thank you, Longnecker.

You're welcome, sir.

Keep writing.

"only these are

other kidnappers,

"and they want half

a million dollars...

"or our lives."

All right. Read

that back to me.

"dear grandpa, we are

being held by kidnappers.

"only these are

other kidnappers,

"and they want half a

million dollars or our lives."

Very good.

P.S. Please do

it, if you love us.

He'll never go for that.

We are in terrible danger.

All right. Sign it.

That's very good. All right,

come on, kids. Let's go.

This your hat?

Where's your pussycat?

Where we going?

Taking you to a quieter

place. -We can't.

We gotta wait

for Duke and Bert.

Forget Duke and Bert. Come on.

Ha-rah!

Whoa! Whoa!

- Come on, Jay.

- Duster! Duster!

Jay! -I can't find Duster.

Come on! Look out!

Get the girl!

Hey!

You just stay right

there. Don't you move.

Ow!

All right. Now where

you gonna go, huh?

Gotcha!

Wha...

What's going on?

Tracy! Tracy!

Freddie! -Big Joe!

Dummy.

The children are

still up there.

Never came out of the building.

They'll be with us by the time

my daughter-in-law gets home.

What are you doing?

Just setting up some more traps

in case big Joe has friends.

Brat!

Hey. -Is it them?

Yes, but it's the wrong them.

Grandfather! It's

the old double cross.

Duke and Bert? Never.

Something must have happened.

Yeah. Grandfather'll get us,

and we'll never get to mother.

Oh, yes, we will.

Don't worry. It's easy.

Just go ahead. Duster!

Well, Peter, I suppose

we'd best go in.

Perhaps the little

ones have changed, sir.

Yes, I have considered

that possibility.

Maybe I have been

a trifle too harsh.

After all, I've not

really given them a Chance.

Who knows? This may be

the beginning of a...

A whole new relationship.

Good heavens!

Mr. Osborne!

Peter, this is absurd.

Duster! Duster!

Come on, Jay. -We can't.

Not till I find Duster.

Never mind. I found him.

Come back. Hey. Egg

fooyoung waiting for you.

Hey, is that yours?

Totaled.

A whole police car...

Completely totaled.

Not completely, sir.

Completely.

Don't despair, sergeant.

I've picked up a lead.

- Longnecker, I...

- Over the car radio.

Somebody saw two kids come out

of a garage apartment window.

I have the address

right here. = Longnecker!

Can't you tell the difference

Between a genuine

clue and a crank call?

Yes. Class in the law of

probability at the academy...

Lecture 10 on

crank phone calls.

One phone call out of 25

may contain a useful clue.

Now, sir, the way

that I see it, we...

I'm going back to the station,

I'm going to change

into some dry clothes,

And then I'm going to

check on Mr. Osborne.

Then I'm going to try to forget...

mind you, try to forget...

That you and the

academy ever existed.

Yes, sir. I think you

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