No Deposit, No Return Page #6

The courage of the man.

Just you wait, sergeant.

I'll bet the old guy comes

in smiling and cheerful,

Covering up, like there's

nothing on his mind.

Well, well, and top of

the morning to both of you.

What brings you

two around so early?

- The ransom note.

- The ransom note?

I gave it to you

yesterday. -The new one.

Your man called us about

it over an hour ago.

Oh, forgive me. I've had so

many lately, I get muddled.

We're losing over 20,000

cells a day, you know.

What does it say?

We'll find out when we

get it open, won't we?

If I was a betting man, I

wouldn't mind risking a ten-spot

They've come down

to, um, 35,000 by now.

Uh-oh, missed it by

five. They're down to 30.

I must say, your "do nothing"

plan is working beautifully.

Uh, mind if I take

that note, Mr. Osborne?

By all means. Anything I can

to help. Keep up the good work.

I want you to know, sir,

you have an admirer here.

Longnecker.

Fore.

"4:
00, wharf 33, san

Pedro. Be there in person."

Sir, I've been giving

this case a lot of thought,

And I have a theory, if I may.

I had a course in the law of

probability at the academy.

Fact:
The kidnapper and the

safecracker were at the airport

On the very same

night at the same hour.

Fact:
They both disappeared

at precisely the same instant.

Fact:
Neither one of them

has been seen to this moment.

Query:
Could the safecracker and the

kidnapper be one and the same person?

Longnecker, a safecracker

is a safecracker,

And a kidnapper is a kidnapper,

And I wish I could say a

policeman was a policeman.

Am I confusing you?

I thought it would be some useful

information in solving the case.

I have some useful information.

Our "do nothing" plan is about

to become a "do something" plan.

Move! -Oh, yeah.

Do you have the keys, sir?

Uh-huh,

uh-huh.

Well, what time does the

6:
30 flight get to Honolulu?

And then when would

we get to Hong Kong?

I'd like to make a

reservation for two,

Nancy Adams and

her brother, John.

I thought we were going.

Shh! We can't give out our real

name with people looking for us.

We'll pay for the tickets

when we get there, in cash.

Well, it's all

set. -So's this.

What are you doing up there?

Just working on a couple

of inventions to protect us.

Protect us?

If anybody gets in,

they'll never get out.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, Duke! Everything's set.

Got us some great wheels. Bo Beasley

brought his car in for repairs.

Okay, let's... -I called

the airlines, Duke.

If you come back with the money by

5:
00, we can make the 6:30 flight.

Yeah.

If we don't get moving, nobody's

going to be going anywhere. Come on.

Could that possibly

be you, big Joe?

t's him.

Computer just reminded me,

Duke. Two and a half hours.

We'll have your $11,000...

You'll get your $13,000

by then, big Joe.

That's good, Duke.

Are you sure that you've never

heard of my cousin Frankie Longtooth?

No, sir.

Hmm. Maybe you would know

him by his legitimate name.

John Smith?

Huh, that's funny.

Very prominent in buffalo.

Seen your mother lately?

Oh, no. No. Mom's up in, uh...

'member, I told you?

I thought maybe you forgot.

I didn't forget. Me and

the computer never forget.

Uh-uh.

Oh, boy. One of these days...

Come on. Let's go.

Now, you kids remain

quiet and hidden,

And don't open that door

for anybody, you hear?

I told you. You have

nothing to worry about.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on.

- Oh, I gotta get my jacket.

I have the whole

apartment protected.

Oh, sure. Well, it's one thing

to know something about judo,

But if somebody goes

pushin' in that door...

Boy! It works great!

Between you and the pencil, that

grandfather of yours better be there.

Let's go.

Mr. Osborne, the

children's mother's here.

Carolyn, here?

Carolyn, my dear. How

did... -How did I find out?

I got a wire in Hong Kong from

the police. That's how I found out.

Have you heard

from Tracy and Jay?

Not exactly, but I

assure you, they're fine.

They're fine! In the hands

of kidnappers, they're fine.

Well, we have a rendezvous

with them in an hour.

Then what are we

standing around here for?

It's the police, Carolyn.

The police, it's their idea.

They've been handling the

case beautifully, haven't they?

They feel that if we

hand over the ransom,

It would be bad

for their plans.

Their plans!

I don't believe this.

It's fine to be cold and

calculating when you're the police,

But you're their grandfather!

How did they get kidnapped

in the first place?

- It happened rather suddenly...

- Where's that meeting place?

I'm going there. -Wait

a minute. Hold it...

I'll drive you there.

We need some money. Jameson, you

stay here in case the police call.

I'll wait in the

car. Please hurry.

I beg your pardon, but wouldn't

it be simpler to call Peter

And have him pick up the children

rather than pay the ransom?

If my daughter-in-law discovered I

knew the whereabouts of the children,

It would hardly cement our

budding relationship, would it?

You do have a point, sir.

Wouldn't you say it's

worth 10 or 15,000

to water that

flowering friendship?

I do indeed, sir.

Good thinking, Jameson.

You've just earned yourself...

Another bonus. Thank

you very much, sir.

The kids in Duke's apartment!

Buffalo!

And me and the computer had Bert

and Duke figured for two-bit hoods.

They got the caper

of the year goin'.

"it is rumored that the ransom

demand is almost $100,000..."

One hundred thousand

dollars. That's chicken feed.

They are two-bit hoods. Old

man Osbornes are worth millions.

Freddie, I think it's time

for the pros to take over.

Anything wrong,

sir? Can I help you?

No, thank you. We're

about to help ourselves.

Okay, that's fine. Now keep

it coming. Keep it coming.

'scuse me. What wharf is this?

Wharf 32. -Thank you.

Wharf 32.

- Next is, uh...

- Wharf 33.

Right, right. I'm sorry, Duke.

I guess I'm just

a little nervous.

I got the whole thing again. Sweaty

palms, butterflies in the stomach.

And we're nowhere

near the airport.

I bet you it isn't planes

at all. I'm a nervous wreck.

We don't know what

they're driving, Henderson.

Anything at all that

approaches, check in.

Right, sir. Don't worry.

I'm perched like an eagle.

Can't miss a thing

from up here. Out.

Oh, you're gonna love

this trap, sergeant.

I borrowed it from the old

spider-and-fly routine...

We learned at the acad...

uh, you know the place I mean.

Are you trying to tell me

this looks like J.W. Osborne?

Sir, you're the image.

- It's ridiculous.

- Oh, but, sir!

I can't see. I can't breathe.

And there's no room for my nose!

Sir, it's a work of art. Department

four was working on this all night.

Now, why don't you

just give it a Chance

to fit to the

contours of your face.

Huh. Huh. You're right.

It does feel better.

I still can't see.

But I seem to be able to breathe

easier. Ah, how's it look?

You sure I look like Osborne?

Exactly.

What are you doin'?

If this doesn't work, Longnecker,

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