No Strings Attached Page #4

- OK.

I'm gonna have to stop

you right there.

- Not your job.

- Yeah.

Hey. I'm, like, actually

one of those freaks who reads things,

so if you wanted to give it to me,

that's cool.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- Sure.

Megan listens to me.

Sometimes.

Victoria! Seriously?

Like, I can see you smoking right there.

Put it out!

I'm not gonna chase you.

I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna...

Victoria! Hey!

Emma!

Katie, is everything OK?

I got your message.

Emma, I have really good news.

OK, it happened yesterday

after the picnic,

but I wanted to tell you in person.

Oh, my God.

I'm getting married.

I'm getting married!

- You're getting married.

- I'm getting married!

Mom is so excited.

She was like screaming

and crying last night.

And she's gonna fly down with Bones

and help me shop for the dress.

With who? "Bones"?

Who's Bones?

- Oh, crap.

- Katie, who's Bones?

He's Mom's friend.

I wasn't supposed to tell you

about it. Crap.

She has a boyfriend?

Named Bones?

- What is he, a drifter?

- No.

Why didn't she tell me?

Well, Emma...

You're so good at being alone.

Mom and I aren't like that.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- It just is true.

Look, Katie.

You're 22. Do you really think

you're ready to quit school?

I love him.

Tea for your 'gina.

Thanks. My sister's getting married.

- Yes, we know that.

- We heard.

Oh, shut up, Emma.

Did you take your Pamprin?

- Leave me alone.

- You leave me alone.

I love it when we're all

on the same cycle.

We all get to be

passive-aggressive and fight.

You are not even a woman.

Who is that?

Hello?

Hey, it's Adam.

Are you kidding me?

Go away.

I've got cupcakes.

Hello, everyone.

I told you not to come.

It's not safe in here.

Do you think that you have

red velvet in there?

I might.

Let's take a look

and see what we have here.

Shira, chocolate. Now.

I understand what's going on.

You're all on the same cycle.

This is very exciting.

Your uterine walls will be shedding

for the next three to five days.

Nice memorization.

Did you Google that?

I may have.

Because you're women.

And I think that's a beautiful thing.

It's like a crime scene in my pants.

Oh. I also...

...made you this.

To help soothe your womb.

It's a mix.

"Even Flow,"

"Red Red Wine."

"Sunday Bloody Sunday"?

Adam.

Did you make me a period mix?

That's so romantic.

Frank Sinatra.

"I've Got The World On A String."

It's a classic.

Keep, keep bleedin' love

I keep bleedin'...

Get that sh*t away from me.

Come on, it's soup.

It's good for your uterus.

Just take it,

or I'm gonna keep singing.

Keep bleedin',

I keep, keep bleedin' love

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, Adam.

Adam.

What?

We fell asleep. We were spooning.

- We were?

- Yeah.

And we were spooning

with our clothes on,

which is like ten times worse.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Yeah.

- Fully clothed spoon.

- This is bad.

This is my fault.

I should not have made you soup.

- What are we gonna do?

- About what?

Maybe we should...

Maybe we should stop for a while.

No, we're not stopping.

Yeah, well, I don't know.

Go hook up with someone else.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah, go...

Go to the nearest bar

and have sex with a stranger.

- You're kidding?

- No.

- This is crazy.

- You made me a period mix.

Adam, this is an emergency.

- So you just want me to go?

- Yeah.

- Just have sex with a random woman?

- Yeah, go.

Like a sexual woman?

Yes!

I'll go have sex with someone, too.

OK.

- No, this is gonna be good for us.

- Yeah. It's great.

Great. Well done. Well played.

Bye.

I haven't seen her in two weeks, so...

She said I should hook up

with other people.

I mean, what am I supposed to do

with that?

- Look at my face.

- No, I get it. I just...

Look at my face.

What does my face say?

Yeah, Adam, come on,

you're living every man's dreams.

I mean, she wants you to hook up

with other girls.

- Yes.

- Look, in ten years from now,

you're gonna be having sex

with your wife.

And it's gonna be

in the missionary position.

- And one of you is going to be asleep.

- Yep.

And you're gonna think

back to this moment,

and you're gonna call me up, crying.

And I'm gonna laugh in your face, Adam.

I'm sorry, but it's what I'm gonna do.

This is a gift right now.

You don't even have to have

breakfast with her.

I know. I get that. I just...

Look at my face.

You bringing Adam

to the Christmas party tonight?

No. Things were getting too intense,

so we decided not to see each other

until we hook up with other people.

OK. Yes. Good.

We are getting laid tonight, right?

This is gonna be like Sideways,

except that you're Paul Giamatti,

- and I'm the guy that gets laid.

- I can't get laid?

No. Tonight is about me, Emma.

All right? I'm feeling hot.

I'm feeling good.

I am wearing bikini bottoms

because my other underwear is dirty.

All right, we're hot. You feel hot?

No one threw up on me today.

We're sluts, Emma!

We're dirty, dirty, sluts!

- OK.

- Remember, we're sluts!

Good evening, sir.

No, I got that! I got that, pal.

That's gonna be me.

- Did you just open the car door for me?

- Yes, I did.

No one's ever done

that for me before. Do it again.

All right.

- How's that?

- It's amazing.

Can I have your arm?

So, when I have to tell someone

that someone they loved died,

it's hard, you know?

Sometimes I laugh.

Because it's kind of weird.

Very nice.

- Oh, don't even think about it.

- I'm gonna go talk to him.

Emma, no.

I'm gonna do this.

Emma, think about your career.

Do not do this.

- Dr. Metzner.

- Yes?

Hi. I'm Emma Kurtzman.

I've been ho, ho, hoping

that I'd get the chance to talk to you.

- Does anyone here need a drink?

- Patrn!

How are you guys doing?

- Joy, come join us.

- Hey, Joy.

- What's up?

- I have to work.

- Come on, just sit down for a second.

- Sit down.

- OK.

- Come on. Here. You take that one.

- We're just hanging.

- Thank you.

Screw the customers.

She is so good at impressions.

- Do an impression, then.

- Yes, do an impression.

All right, guess who this is.

Dad!

- Dad!

- Oh, my God, that's so cute.

- I don't know.

- Come on.

- Where are you?

- I don't know.

- Where are you, Dad?

- It's Nemo.

- Yes!

- Yeah.

- Nemo.

- Amazing.

I don't know why I didn't get that.

How did you know that?

'Cause I've seen it a thousand times.

That's how.

- Drew Barrymore.

- I don't know if I'm drunk enough.

- Come on.

- You can't do Drew Barrymore.

Oh, but she can.

Happy holidays.

I was in The Wedding Singer.

That's it. That's all I have.

That was kind of an amazing

Drew Barrymore.

You kind of even looked

like her when you did it.

Oh, my God, Joy.

I love you so much.

You do?

Yeah.

Lisa...

...I love you.

- Wait.

- I'm seriously in love with you.

Wait. Why didn't you tell me sooner?

- I didn't have the courage.

- Oh, my God. This is amazing.

- God, you look so beautiful.

- And your eyes are so pretty.

- Have you got?

- Let's do this.

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