No Time for Sergeants Page #5

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Oh, he solves our problems for us...

...and helps us out on our difficult days

in military service.

And I guess that he's

about the best dang sergeant there is...

...in the whole danged Air Force.

Sir, you really ought to get up

off of his back.

How long have you been a sergeant?

- Well, sir, I... Ahem.

- Speak up.

Sixteen years, sir.

And how long do you expect

to remain a sergeant?

Twelve years.

You will remain a sergeant

exactly one week. One week.

Unless this man completes

the entire classification process...

...and is shipped out with the group

he came in with. Understand?

Unless this man is out of here

by the end of the week...

...you will not be in charge of this barracks,

you will not be a sergeant...

...you will in all probability

be a permanent latrine orderly.

PLO.

This is not your fault, private.

You've done a fine job.

I have never seen such a clean latrine

in my entire career.

Thank you, sir.

It was my aim to get it just as clean

as that operating room...

...where they're fixing

to cut out your heart!

You forgot to ask him

about the transfers.

What happened? What did you do it for?

Heck, I couldn't see no sense

in me getting all the credit.

We've gotta get you classified right away.

We gotta get you out of here.

You don't want me around no more?

I thought we was buddies.

It ain't what I want,

it's what the captain wants.

Now, we gotta get you classified

in a hurry.

You're gonna have to take tests and you're

going to have to talk to a lot of people.

And you're going to have to work

real hard.

Will it help Ben and me

get them transfers?

Well, I guarantee you, wherever you go,

they'll bust a gut to get you transferred.

Well, I'll work hard all right,

but I don't know.

The last test I took

was close on to five years ago...

...and that was one of them tests...

...where you try this fella's toothpaste

for 10 days...

...and see if your teeth don't get brighter.

And I failed.

You been admiring this watch of mine,

haven't you?

I sure have, sergeant.

That there's the prettiest watch I ever seen.

You get shipped out of here

by Saturday morning like the captain said...

...and it's yours.

- Mine?

- Yours.

Golly.

- Now you'll work real hard, right?

- Right.

- And not waste any time?

- No, sir.

Good boy.

Now first thing Monday morning,

we start classification.

You stay right here around the barracks

and get a lot of rest...

...and relax your head.

I'm going down to the testing area

and see if I can borrow some of the tests.

Okay.

Tell them I'll give them back

just like I did the toothpaste.

WILL:
This place where they give us

the tests was really something.

They had this great big building,

full of doctors, nurses and officers.

All of them walking in and out

and around real quickety-quick...

... and not smiling at nobody.

And then there was this place

something like a schoolroom...

... where they give us

the tests we had to write out.

Time's up, pal.

It was right friendly of you

to wait for me.

Thank you.

- How'd you think you did, Will?

- Well, them printed tests they give us...

...they was exactly like the ones

that you borrowed...

Only what?

Only you spent so much time

drumming the answers into me...

...we ought to have spent a little more

on the questions they joint up with.

Now, you just sit right down here

and wait.

Come on, Will, the corporal's waiting.

Here he is, corporal.

Awfully sorry to keep you waiting.

What we do here, private,

is to evaluate your manual dexterity...

...on a time scale

in relation to digital visual coordination.

Two irregular steel links

which can be interconnected thusly.

I separate them, I join them.

It will be your task,

when I give the signal...

...to place the two links

in an interconnected relationship...

...I have just demonstrated.

Uh...

I put them together?

That's right, you put them together.

I'll time you

and three minutes is passing.

Now, whatever you do,

don't get nervous.

Ready. Go.

There you go.

Attaboy.

- Put them together.

- Sergeant, please.

Nobody ever does this

in less than two minutes.

You're not even supposed to be in here.

This is a special case. He has to go out

with the group he came in with.

- It's is a very difficult test.

- I couldn't do it myself.

- What are you talking about?

- I want you to get out of here.

- I'd just like to see you try to do it.

- This is my department.

- He's my department.

- That's my door. Get out.

- Get out right this minute.

- Throw me out.

You're not supposed to be here.

This is my watch...

- All right, then watch your watch...

- I'm done.

Stop the watch.

- Look. Look at that.

- He put them together, didn't he?

Sergeant! Sergeant!

What's the fuss about? You said,

"Put them together," he put them together.

Look what he did, for Pete's sake.

How am I gonna mark him on that?

You're supposed to be grading him on this.

Can't you do that?

I'm supposed to mark it down

whether they put it back together or not...

...and there ain't supposed to be

but one way of doing it and he didn't do it.

How you gonna mark him

on a thing like that?

Who do you think's gonna pay for these?

Sixteen dollars, they cost.

- lf you think I'm gonna pay $ 16...

- Corporal!

Sixteen lousy dollars!

Corporal, I'll be glad to pay

the 16 lousy dollars.

- You will?

- lf he passed the test.

He did it wrong.

He was supposed to do it a certain way.

Will, will you step outside

for a minute, have a smoke.

Now, corporal,

let's look at this thing logically.

You need money

and I need him to pass the test.

But he did do it completely wrong.

- Ben?

- Will.

[CHUCKLES]

I ain't seen you all day.

You been in there classifying?

- Yeah.

- Me too. Find out where you're going?

Sergeant King says

maybe gunnery school.

That's where I'm going too

if I pass the eye test.

- How about that?

- Yeah, how about that?

Oh, Ben, you ain't still sad

about not being in the infantry?

The captain didn't even read my letter.

And that plan of yours

sure didn't work so good.

I tried to ask the psychiatrist

if he could fix me up.

- Yeah, what'd he say?

- He didn't say nothing.

I don't think he understands so good.

I'm just stuck in the Air Force, that's all.

Hey, Ben, maybe it's the Air Force

that's the real fighters...

...and the infantry's just the helpers.

Never.

Well, Ben, all you can do

is look at it that way.

No. Wait'll my brothers find out. Airman.

Private.

What kind of rowdydow is this?

Pick up that cap.

Yes, sir.

- Is that a way to treat government property?

- No, sir, ma'am.

We're excited because we're

maybe going to the same school.

That's no excuse for...

What's the matter with this one?

- Have you been drinking?

- No, no, sir.

Get at attention, Will.

We're sending this to school?

Yes, sir, ma'am. If he passes the eye test,

he'll be going to gunnery school.

As what? A target?

No, sir, ma'am.

Let's have no more rowdydow, understand?

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