No Time for Sergeants Page #6

---

No more.

Yes, sir. Ma'am.

What's the matter with you, anyhow?

Don't you know enough

to come to attention and salute an officer?

- She was a woman.

- Sure she was.

Ain't you ever heard

of the Women's Air Force?

You mean they got one too?

Sure.

- Against ours?

- No, Will. They're with us.

They're with us 100 percent.

- We got to salute them?

- The officers, we do.

Didn't you hear that lecture

about military courtesy?

I'll be dogged.

I never heard of saluting no woman before.

She ain't a woman, she's a captain.

I seen a captain there

so I come to attention and saluted.

A captain, that's all.

- A woman captain.

- A "captain" captain.

By dog,

don't you understand nothing, Will?

When you're in uniform,

you ain't supposed to notice...

...whether a person is a man or a woman

or what.

A captain's a captain, a major's a major

and a general's a general.

Ben, you mean to tell me that you

didn't notice that she was a woman?

A captain, that's all I seen.

Well, dog it, Ben,

I knew she was a woman right off.

Honest, Will, sometimes I wonder

how come they took you in the draft at all.

Come on, Will.

You too, Whitledge.

Well, Will, it looks like you're just liable

to get classified after all.

Just shows you

what the Air Force has come down to.

- This the fella you want? Whitledge?

- Yeah.

Psychiatrist says

he has a secondary anxiety...

...with inferiority

and systematized delusions of persecution.

I ain't surprised.

Recommends he be considered

to be transferred to the infantry.

The infantry?

Don't get excited.

He didn't say you have to.

Well, yeah, but that's what

Ben's always been wanting, corporal.

- Just you tell me what I have to do.

- Well, here. Fill this out.

When he's finished, buck it through

to the colonel for approval.

If he's crazy enough to want it.

How about that, Ben? You made it.

Just wait'll my brothers hear about this.

- Stockdale?

- Yeah.

Okay, psychiatrist.

Oh, Lord, psychiatrist.

Now, Will, listen carefully.

The psychiatrist test is one

where I couldn't get copies of questions...

...because there ain't any.

The doctor asks you

whatever happens to pop into his head.

- So keep your wits about you.

- I'll try.

Hey. Hey.

Hey, maybe he'll give me

a transfer too, huh, Ben?

He'll ask you things like

what do you dream?

Okay.

Hey, maybe he'll give me a transfer too,

huh, Ben?

Sure, Will.

- The psychiatrist is waiting, Stockdale.

- Coming.

Wait a minute.

The safest thing I guess is

just say that you never dream at all.

- Okay. See you later, Ben.

- No dreams.

Sergeant?

Do you think he can?

Can what?

Get transferred too.

Maybe you could talk to the doctor.

Now, don't you complicate things.

I never have no dreams at all.

- Where are you from, Stockdale?

- Georgia.

That's not much of a state, is it?

Well, I don't live all over the state.

I just live in this one little place in it.

That's where Tobacco Road is. Georgia.

Not around my section.

Maybe you're from a different part

than me.

[SIGHS]

I've never been there. What's more,

I don't think I would ever wanna go there.

What's your reaction to that?

Well, I don't know...

I would rather live in the rottenest pigsty

in Tennessee or Alabama...

...than the fanciest mansion

in all of Georgia.

How about that?

Well, sir, I think

where you wanna live is your business.

You don't mind if someone says

something bad about Georgia?

I ain't heard nobody

say nothing bad about Georgia.

Well, what do you think

I've been saying?

Well, to tell you the truth, sir...

...I ain't been able

to get too much sense out of it.

- Don't you know?

- Now, watch your steps, young man.

Psychiatrists

call this attitude of yours resistance.

- You do?

- Yes.

You sense that this interview

is a threat to your security.

- You feel yourself in danger.

- Well, kind of I do.

If I don't get myself classified...

...Sergeant King,

he won't give me the wristwatch.

He won't.

He says I only get it

if I'm classified inside a week.

Do you get along all right

with your mother?

No, sir, I can't hardly say that I do.

Oh, I see. She's very strict with you.

She's always hovering over you. Hmm?

- No, sir, just the opposite.

- She's never there?

- That's right.

- And you resent this neglect, don't you?

- Well, no, sir, I don't resent nothing.

- Oh, come now, son.

Now, don't be bashful,

that's a common situation.

- Does she beat you?

- No.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, so defensive.

Well, it's not easy

to talk about your mother, is it?

No, sir.

See, she died when I was born.

You could've told me that sooner.

Do you hate your mama?

I figured as how you said it

was so common.

I do not hate my mother.

I should hope not.

Does she beat you or something?

This is a transference.

You're taking your stored up antagonisms

and loosing them in my direction.

Oh, transference.

It happens every day.

- It does? To the infantry?

- Yeah...

The infantry?

You'd give Ben a transfer

and I wish you'd give me one too.

- Because I'd sure love to go along with him.

- Now stop.

Now, there are a few more topics

that we have to cover.

We will not talk about transfers

and we will not talk about my mother.

We will talk about

what I want to talk about.

Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

Now, then.

- Your father? Living?

- Yes, sir.

Oh.

- Do you get along with him okay?

- Yes, sir.

- Does he ever beat you?

- Ha-ha. You bet.

- Hard?

- And how.

Boy, there ain't nobody

can beat like my pa can.

So this is where

the antagonism comes from.

[CHUCKLES]

You hate your father, don't you?

No.

Hey, I got an uncle I hate, though.

Every time he comes out to the house,

he's wanting to wrestle with the mule...

...and the mule gets all wore out

and he gets all wore out.

Well, I don't really hate him, though.

It's just that I ain't exactly partial to him.

Did I ask you about your uncle?

I thought

you wanted to talk about hating people.

[SIGHS]

Now. Now then.

Um... Girls.

- How do you like girls?

- What girls is that, sir?

Well, just girls. Just any girls.

Well, I don't like just any girls.

There's this girl back home...

...that ain't got hair no longer

than a hound dog's and...

Oh, no.

When I say "girls,"

I don't mean any specific girl.

I just mean, well, girls in general,

you know? Heh. Heh.

Women. Uh...

Sex.

Didn't that father of yours

ever sit you down and have a talk with you?

Well, sure he did.

Well?

Well, what?

Well, what did he say?

[LAUGHS]

Well, there's this one

about these two traveling salesmen.

[BOTH LAUGH]

And their car breaks down

in the middle of this terrible storm.

- Stop.

- They come running up to this farmhouse...

...where this farmer's

got these 14 daughters.

- Stop.

- Uh...

Did you heared it already?

I did not heared it already.

What'd you stop me for?

It's a real knee-slapper.

See, these 14 daughters was all studying

to become trombone players...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes