No Time for Sergeants Page #7

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Here, look. You go. You're through.

You're perfectly normal. Just go.

Goodbye. Go. Goodbye.

Excuse me for saying it, sir...

...but I don't think a fella your age

would be so confused about it all...

...if you went out

and seen some girls once in a while.

Look, out. Out!

Yes, sir.

Fella's in pretty bad shape.

- Where's Sergeant King?

- He said he'd meet you in the mess hall.

Something about he couldn't

stand the strain on an empty stomach.

Oh. Thank you.

- Stockdale, Will.

- Here.

Eye test in here.

I can't.

I gotta tell Sergeant King that...

Get in there, Stockdale, on the double.

Yes, sir. Just be an extra surprise for him.

What's keeping him so long?

He's probably telling the psychiatrist

how he dreams about his pet horse.

Oh, cut it out, will you?

Ain't I got enough, sweating this out?

Sergeant, can I have

my application a minute?

I got a feeling I'm doomed. I'm doomed.

Of all the...

- What the heck you doing that for?

- Guess I changed my mind.

This whole thing started

from you hollering to get into the infantry.

I changed my mind.

Why do I get all the nuts?

There he is.

Hey, Will, come here, will you?

Sorry to keep y'all waiting so long.

Pete, Irving.

Well, what happened, boy?

How'd you do? Where's the form?

Well, let me see it.

I wanna see what he had...

He passed. He got through.

He's normal.

Attaboy.

Yes, sir, you ought to see the way

Will breezes through these tests.

One, two, three. Bim-bam-boom.

Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna

run him down to the little old eye test...

...and by tomorrow night,

he's out of here.

Gunnery school, well, Will boy?

With your eyesight.

This boy told me that he could shoot the

eye out of a turkey at a 100 yards?

I already took the eye test.

Uh... What?

Fella grabbed me on the way over here.

Well, what happened?

Where's the form? Papers?

Fella back there kept the papers,

on account I was the last test.

He said it'd all come out

on the bulletin board tomorrow.

Well, how'd you do?

You passed, didn't you?

- Easy, huh?

- I don't know.

He seemed kind of angry

most of the time.

What made you think he was angry?

Well, he got sort of fussed...

...when I was reading this here sign

they had on the wall.

And that was right hard at first...

...because they was

real peculiar words like:

lp, gnxl and buglump.

You were supposed to read them letters

one at a time.

Didn't make much sense

that way neither.

Hey, hey, hey.

Take a look at the colonel and

the wife captain that come in the base.

Boy, is she stacked.

IRVING:
Women officers,

that's one thing I sure don't cotton to.

What about you, Stockdale?

- What do you think of them?

- I ain't never seen one.

Ain't you got eyes?

Will, I want you to turn around

very slowly...

...and look very carefully this time

and tell me exactly what you see.

I see a colonel...

Yeah.

And a captain.

That's all.

And the captain's a woman,

isn't she?

I don't notice

whether it's a man or a woman or what.

All I see is a captain. That's all.

Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no.

What's the matter, sergeant,

you got a fly in your coffee?

- Can I get you some fresh hot?

- Oh, no, no, Will. No.

Just go on your way.

- Your own special way.

- Thanks, sergeant.

Hey, it sure makes me proud to know

you're sure about me getting classified.

He sure didn't pass no eye test.

And he ain't gonna be classified.

And I'm gonna

be permanent latrine orderly.

How big do they grow them

turkeys down there?

No, he can't do this to me.

I'm old and I'm tired...

...and my constitution

needs peace and security.

Look, sarge. Sarge.

If he wasn't to get classified...

...and it wasn't your fault,

that'd be all right, wouldn't it?

How? How?

Supposing he didn't show up

for inspection tomorrow?

And when he finally did show,

he'd been drinking, shall we say?

Listen, Irving,

I even got so I kind of like the kid.

And I ain't one

to go too far outside regulations.

But if you got an idea, I'm desperate.

All you gotta do

is wangle us three passes.

We'll take him to the Purple Grotto

for a little celebration.

We could take him tonight.

Yeah, we could.

[LOUD MUSIC

PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS INSIDE]

Well, Will, here we are again. Round two.

I sure do appreciate this.

I still don't feel right, my glass

being so much bigger than you alls.

Guest of honor always gets

the biggest glass. That's the honor.

- To Will.

- To Will.

- Again?

- Come on, come on, come on.

Ha-ha-ha. Whee.

Your Scotch stuff tastes kind of sharp.

I like the other stuff you give me better.

- You mean the bourbon?

- No, gin.

Yeah. More tangy than sharp.

Sure was nice of you to give me

this celebration party, sergeant.

But I still wish Ben

could've come along too.

Just couldn't wangle it.

Outside of you, Ben's the only one left

responsible enough for barracks duty.

And tomorrow, we got a real inspection.

The colonel's coming.

Yeah, Ben's sharp.

Come on, Will, drink it up. Drink it up.

[EXHALES]

Well, I reckon

we ought to be heading on back.

With the colonel coming tomorrow...

...I wanna give Ben a hand

and get the barracks cleaned up real special.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I told you I was gonna give you my watch

and I'm gonna give you my watch.

We gotta have several,

several drinks on that.

Golly.

My mother gave it to me.

To Will Stockdale...

...I am proud of him

for getting classified so good...

...and for cleaning up the latrine and all.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Whoo-hoo!

To Sergeant King.

The best dang sergeant there is...

...in the whole danged Air Force.

Ahhh.

By dog, from a jug,

it don't taste sharp at all, does it?

Will, are you absolutely sure that you never

drank any whiskey before, at all?

Never no store whiskey,

just some old stuff my pa makes.

- Some old stuff that your pa...

- Yeah.

Corn liquor kind of.

You know, corn, grain, kerosene.

- Kerosene?

- Kerosene?

Just a mite for flavoring.

Where the heck

are we gonna get some kerosene?

WOMAN:

Cigars, cigarettes?

And anything else you wanna smoke.

Cigars, cigarettes?

Why, thank you.

- This ought to come near it.

- Sure.

He wants kerosene, he gets kerosene.

It's familiar.

Hey, there's a infan... Hey, infantry.

Hi.

Let's drink one to the infantry.

- Have a drink. We're celebrating.

- Hi, Jack.

Thanks a lot. I do not mind if I do.

- To the infantry.

- To the infantry.

To the infantry.

So...

Say, I didn't know you fly boys

were so nice to the infantry.

Hey, heck, it's the air age

and you're our helpers, ain't you?

- Your what?

- Our helpers.

Don't think we don't appreciate it too.

Listen, listen, fellas.

You're a nice bunch of fellas.

Fellas, you got it easier than anybody,

even the Navy.

Easy.

We got the roughest, toughest,

meanest sergeants in the whole service.

Go on.

You don't know what a tough sergeant

is until you've been in the infantry.

Ain't nobody tougher than my sergeant.

He's tough.

I sure am.

Oh, sergeant.

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