No Time for Sergeants Page #8

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I'm a louse.

I don't know, sergeant.

You seem to be

a pretty decent Joe to me.

- You take that back.

- All right.

I'll just bet you five bucks...

...I'm a bigger louse than you

and I'm just a private.

- Yeah? Put up or shut up.

- Yeah, put up or shut up.

What's a bigger louse

than a louse that'll drink your booze...

...and then punch you right in the guts?

- Put up or shut up.

- Oh, says who?

Sergeant, I think we ought to be

going on back now.

KING:

Go away, you're drunk.

Oh-ho.

SOLDIER:
Come on, infantry,

let's get the fly boys.

Oh...

[WOMEN SCREAMING]

[LAUGHS]

Oh!

I done hit him once, Irving,

ain't no use to overdoing it.

Now, you see,

you antagonized him, sergeant.

I think we ought to be

going on home, anyhow.

All right, just a minute.

[GRUNTING]

I know you're having

a whole lot of fun...

...so I won't stay around

and be a wet blanket.

[MUTTERING]

Okay, I'm going on back to the barracks.

[MUTTERING]

Hush a minute, hush a minute.

I'm gonna go on back and give Ben a hand.

[MUTTERING]

- Is this the Purple Grotto?

- Right up yonder.

Couple of thirsty fellas for you.

[WHISTLING]

- Ain't the sergeant showed up yet?

- Nope.

- Why didn't you come to breakfast?

- Went over to carpenter shop.

- What're you doing there?

- Fixing up something special.

It ain't everyday

a colonel comes to inspect.

I sure wish the sergeant was here.

Like I told you, he was having

a whole lot of fun. But he'll show up.

Sergeant King, he ain't gonna miss

no inspection if he can help it.

The heck he ain't.

Here comes the captain now.

And the colonel.

- Going round front.

- Oh, golly.

- Who's gonna report?

- Hey, you're in charge.

- Me?

- Yeah.

BEN:

Barracks ready for inspection, sir.

- Barracks ready for inspection, sir.

- Here.

Listen, when you throw open this door,

holler "Attention," just as loud as you can.

Okay? Okay. Okay.

Barracks ready for inspection, sir.

Where's Sergeant King?

I don't know, sir,

but the barracks are ready for inspection.

All right, all right.

Just for a starter,

I'd like you to take a look at this latrine.

There's a man in this barracks

whose latrine work is quite surprising.

Attention!

Latrine ready for inspection, sir.

Latrine ready for inspection, sir.

What is the idea behind this?

Welcoming the colonel, sir.

I'm sorry, sir.

Oh, that's all right, captain.

I've been welcomed in many ways.

Ticker tape, flags waving.

Women of a French village

once three rose buds at me.

But this...

This is just...

Well, I don't know.

They didn't hardly inspect

the latrine at all.

I don't know, Will.

They...

They, oh...

Sergeant.

Lieutenant back there

almost spotted me.

- You all right?

- I ain't sure.

- Hey, where's Irving?

- MP's got him.

- Golly.

COLONEL:
Very nice, captain.

CAPTAIN:

Thank you, sir.

- The colonel?

- Yeah.

Hey, they inspected in here already.

Hey...

...watch out for that treadle.

COLONEL:

Very good, indeed.

Mm-hm. Excellent. Excellent. Were you

in charge during your sergeant's absence?

Yes, sir. Complete charge.

I think you should make a note

of this man's name.

Yes, indeed, sir.

- What is it, private?

- Whitledge, sir.

Whitledge, sir.

- What's that again, private?

- Whitledge, sir.

W-H-l-T-L-E-D-G-E.

- What the devil is...?

- What's going on in there?

Latrine's out of order, sir.

You're gonna have to use

the one next door.

Let me in there.

This is the barracks sergeant, sir.

How are you, sir?

All slicked up for inspection. Explain.

Explain.

Well, sir...

...I went to a movie last night, sir.

And there were these eight infantry men

sitting right in behind me.

And they was cussing out the Air Force...

...and saying as how that their officers

were more understanding than our officers.

- So you fought them all night long?

- Yes, sir, it was awful.

What was the name of the movie?

- Movie?

- The movie.

Oh.

Forward March.

American Battalion.

Out of the Air.

Up in the Wild Blue?

It was a sneak preview.

Captain, I don't know how this man

ever got on my base...

...but he's certainly

not going to remain here.

Corrupting new airmen

with this horrible example. Ship him out.

There's a group

leaving for gunnery school today.

Splendid. General Bush

can always use another private.

Private?

Private.

Private.

BEN:

That name was Whitledge, sir.

W-H-I-T-L...

- Whitledge, eh?

- Yes, sir.

This is going on your record, Whitledge.

This is going on everybody's record.

Something special for the colonel.

You ain't a sergeant no more.

No, I ain't a sergeant no more.

I'm a private.

A 45-year-old private.

Gosh.

- He's putting it on my record.

- Gosh, Ben...

There's one silver lining to this cloud,

though, by George.

You're staying here,

but I'm going to gunnery school...

...a thousand miles away.

WILL:
Sergeant?

- Private.

I ain't staying here.

I'm going to gunnery school like you are.

They took you?

You passed the eye test?

It's on the bulletin board.

It was your helping done it for me.

- Oh, no, no, no.

- We're gonna be together.

I've had about all I can take.

You and him be together,

just leave me out of it.

- But we're buddies.

- Buddies?

Last night you said

you was proud of me.

I was drunk.

I didn't know what I was saying.

- You give me your watch.

- I was drunk.

Not when you put me in charge

of the latrine.

You talk to him.

Maybe you can get through.

Cleaning the latrine

isn't a good job, Will.

It's the worst job there is.

It's a punishment job.

It is.

Now do you understand?

There's your buddy.

Make trouble for him for a change.

[SIGHS]

Great.

You thought you were gonna miss him,

so you tore up your transfer.

Well, you don't look so glad

about it now.

You tore up your transfer, Ben?

It was just an application, that's all.

To the infantry.

It doesn't make any difference now.

After this, I couldn't get transferred

to a troop of mules.

I didn't know you done that.

- Just forget about it, will you?

- You ain't sore at me?

I ain't jumping up and down,

you can say that again.

You ain't nothing

but trouble since we met...

...running around acting like a big,

dang donkey.

I'll make it up to you, Ben, honest I will.

Just forget about it, will you?

Don't try to do nothing.

Oh, we'll still speak

because we'll be in the same outfit...

...and that's the military way...

...but forget about it.

We'll both be better off.

- Ben, please...

- Gotta go pack for gunnery school.

Oh, yeah.

Well, Ben, Sergeant King and me,

we all went to gunnery school together.

Like The Three Musketeers.

And they put us on this here squadron

on this here air base?

And it was

way out in the middle of the country.

You know, out of the way

of the other outfits.

And the planes

is what they call obsolete...

...and the officer crews that run them,

well, they wasn't kept up very much either.

I guess it's what you might call

a second-line-of-defense outfit.

But, anyhow, Ben and me

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