No Way Jose Page #3

Synopsis: JOSE STERN -- formerly Joseph Stern, until he discovered he was 1/8th Mexican -- is on the precipice of turning 40. Going on 75. He and his band, The Borges, have been relegated to playing childrens' birthday parties. He was always a little miserable. Now he's very miserable. Thankfully, he has in essence the perfect woman to balance him. DUSTY, his fiance, is a warm, beautiful, laid back, supportive, veterinarian. She is the Yin to his Yang. That is, until she discovers a old secret of Jose and kicks him out and into the warm bosom of his falling-apart-at-the-seams-married-with-children friends' home , where he spends the rest of film seeking counsel from his burnt out friends, dates an insane ex-girlfriend, and sorts through his past, all in an effort to find himself... and perhaps Dusty.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Adam Goldberg
Production: Sony Pictures Entertainment
 
IMDB:
4.5
R
Year:
2015
97 min
172 Views


No.

Okay.

Well, it's not so bad.

Really, it's not great...

It's not optimal, okay?

But in three years,

I can unregister.

Good!

Come on! It's not

like I was some old man

luring kids into

my underground dungeon.

You're a children's

musician, Jose!

Jesus, why didn't you at least

stop me from doing that?

I've tried!

I've been super

passive-aggressive about it!

But

you kept making T-shirts!

"Tsipar..."

Tupac Chopra? I have no...

F***ed up neighbors, man.

Glendale, I don't understand.

You always had this, didn't you?

This

secret was like a ripcord.

You didn't want any of this.

You finally have a good out.

Take it.

You're breakin' my heart

You're tearin' it apart

So f*** you

You won't boogaloo

Run down to Tramps

Have a dance or two, ooh!

You're breakin' my heart

You're tearin' it apart

...but f*** you

One is the loneliest number

One is the loneliest

One is the loneliest number

That you'll ever do

Then

Then you drifted away

When I awoke I found out

I'd been dreaming

Some of my bed clothes

were still on the floor

I looked around

Realized you were leaving...

How good Dusty was for him

and how he provided her with

a kind of creative caliber.

Yeah, that's what you said,

but you obviously went into

some sort of alpha state

when I responded with the

occasional skepticism.

Really, Gabe, an alpha state?

Honey, don't call me Gabe.

Why?

That's your name, Gabe.

Yeah, but you know what,

I think sometimes you just...

Guys, guys, guys,

Violet, knife! Guys!

Jesus, Violet.

Violet, get away from your brother.

You're gonna stab him.

Violet!

Time-out box.

There's a time-out box?

What, like a hockey player?

Way to keep

an eye on them, babe.

Right,

I'm a terrible father and

you're mother of the year.

I didn't say that.

I just...

No, I mean...

No, you didn't say it.

Maybe you could put your

guitar away for two seconds

when your child is attacking...

And one's standing

in the kitchen.

I guess I just

feel that since...

My God, are you okay?

I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

I just needed your attention back.

And should I ever actually be choking,

I'm going to do this.

So there's no confusion.

Jesus.

Look, ever since

I met her, right...

Ever since the day that we met,

everybody was like,

"F***ed up Jose

found the perfect woman."

Yes.

I guess I'm just saying that...

That I don't...

Who knows who's perfect for what.

I spent so much time counting

everybody else's blessings,

I don't know that I ever had the

opportunity to count them for myself.

Maybe now you'll have

some objectivity.

Isn't that... Maybe

that's what's happening.

Okay, so look, Jose...

Look, no, no, no, no.

I think she's gonna call.

They always come back.

No, yeah, I know, they always come back,

we always split up.

I mean, isn't it possible that some

people are just meant to be miserable

lonely, old,

childless and alone living with you?

No, are you gonna like...

Are you gonna screen all her calls?

Like you did with Sophie

and Uli and Penny and...

Yes, yes.

Yes, I am. Yes, I am.

Because...

And block her e-mails.

Because it provides

an emotional firewall.

Facebook?

No, we were never Facebook friends.

Precisely in case this ever happened,

I forbade it.

Besides, it provides like a clear

line in the sand, you know?

I mean, this way

she doesn't get hurt

any more and I have clarity,

you know.

I think it's important just that

there be clarity, you know.

Yeah, but I thought that

you had clarity with her.

I think...

I think maybe I had her clarity.

I don't know.

It's unclear.

I lack clarity on the issue.

I mean, she...

I mean, look, let's not forget something.

She packed my bags.

She packed my bags.

She packed

a sleeping man's bags.

That's like

a Howlin' Wolf tune, man.

I mean, how about a little,

you know, "Hey, f*** her."

You know, "F*** her."

Frog. Frog.

Where?

No, we say "frog".

We say "frog" because of the...

Yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it.

There's children.

Look.

Honey, you're supposed

to be in time-out.

Violet did a bad thing.

Honey, honey. Say,

"I did a bad thing."

What happened?

No.

Yeah.

- No, no, Violet!

- Not again!

Go with Mommy.

Get in here, Violet, right now!

What'd the little dickens do?

She has been number one-ing in

our bed since Fred was born.

Sweet Linda Blair.

I'm so sorry.

Okay? Hey, honey,

you got this one?

You know, it's poker night

at Mickey's.

No, no, pal, I think it may be a

little too soon for the schadenfreude.

No, no. Come on, it'll be good for you.

We got to get out.

Go, just go.

I have to do my video Pilates.

See what she's saying?

Yeah.

I'll make up your couch, Jose.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Jams

I, I, I

I wanna

I wanna kick 'em out

What's with the...

When'd you...

When'd you start smoking again?

What do you mean?

I have one occasionally.

All right.

It looks like

a fun way to smoke.

- Hey, listen, um...

- When do you have to

re-register for

the rape thing?

I can't stay anywhere

longer than two weeks.

Okay.

'Cause obviously, you know, with the kids

and the neighbors

and Violet's party...

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, that's my party, too, buddy.

- I'm gonna be a big boy this year.

- All right?

I know.

Don't worry, don't worry.

Two weeks and I'll be

staying in a hostel.

Not a youth hostel.

I like cheddar I like brie

I like you I like me

Let's get together

and talk about the weather

Come on, get cheesy with me

Stop.

All right. Get that.

For ten minutes, I've been knocking.

Ten minutes.

Hey, Lawrence,

peephole, peephole!

Always.

It is people.

It's these people.

Hey.

Okay. All right.

Thanks.

Thanks. Thank you.

Hi, I'm Lawrence.

Lawrence, it's Gabe.

We grew up together.

Gabe, what's happened?

Something's different.

Yeah, yeah, I have white hair.

You know, I have kids.

It's like being president.

Gabe,

you look great, man.

Thanks. Nice to see you.

I feel like I've been

hit by a truck.

That's all right.

You're gonna...

I think you just need a little

time and then you'll be...

A lot of love in this room.

Gabe.

Long time, long time.

Mickey, how you doing?

I'm excited.

Lawrence, get the lock.

Bolt lock, top and bottom.

I got a little problem with an admirer.

Have a seat.

For medicinal purposes.

"Songs by which a quarantined

heart laments, Volume 4."

I'm running out

of songs for you.

I know, I know.

I appreciate the effort.

- Thanks, man.

- Sorry, Jose.

I liked her.

Her soul didn't seem

as black as the others.

Hey, divorcing Linda was the best

thing that ever happened to us, man.

- Thank you, Gus.

- Not for her wallet.

A guy's got to make

a living somehow.

Welcome back, buddy.

Welcome back.

Yeah, great to be back.

There's plenty of

good meat out there.

You're just gonna have

to lie about your age now.

Jesus.

Speaking of good meat...

...wait until you see this.

Looks like an abortion in a pot.

David Cronenberg's toilet.

Korean menudo.

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Adam Goldberg

Adam Charles Goldberg (born October 25, 1970) is an American actor, director, producer, and musician. Known for his supporting roles in film and television, Goldberg has appeared in films such as Dazed and Confused, Saving Private Ryan, A Beautiful Mind, and Zodiac. His TV appearances include the shows Friends as Eddie Menuek, Chandler's roommate, Joey, Entourage, The Jim Gaffigan Show, The Unusuals, and his critically acclaimed role as hitman Mr. Numbers in the first season of Fargo. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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