No Way Jose Page #4

I saw them play

Fresno back in '82.

Is that an eyeball?

I got the recipe

from this oriental joint

that I reviewed

a couple weeks ago.

Oriental, really?

Asian, Asian, Asian!

You know, idiot, you can call

something oriental, like a rug.

I'm an idiot.

Jose,

I had a very vivid dream.

What was it, Gus?

The dream?

Yeah.

I dreamt that Dusty caught

you with a teenage girl

and you tried to tell her that

you and Dusty were both Mormons

and that the girl

was just a sister wife.

Well, you know, honestly,

though, not far off.

When did you have

that dream, Gus?

Last week.

That's sort of prescient,

really.

All that acid's

made him prescient.

Is that right?

Sort of.

Me? Just...

Nothing. Flat.

What're you working

on over there, Jake?

The world isn't ready.

The world isn't ready.

All right,

the name of the game is Texas hold 'em.

F*** that. It's not televised.

Straight poker.

Dealer's choice, buddy.

Is it three cards or two?

Every f***ing time he does it.

I want to play this game,

but I don't know how to play it.

Will you please teach me, Daddy,

because I'm...

You know, I hear you.

Yeah, I know.

I said it audibly.

You think it's permanent, Joe?

Don't call me that, please.

You're not Mexican.

I'm an eighth.

Okay.

I have to make

a confession to you.

- To all of you, actually.

- Okay.

I, may have...

Murdered somebody.

No, I may have accidentally

Facebook friended Penny.

My God.

Why would you do that?

To be fair,

she requested me first

and I always thought

we had nice conversations.

We would talk about Faust.

Yeah, because she's the devil.

You get it?

I mean, you understand that

she broke up with me via text

literally while engorged

by her choreographer

while she was on the road.

I mean, it's not a joke.

I think, she's been

sober almost a year.

Almost. A record.

Yeah, that's right.

And well,

I think she misses you.

So I thought I'd,

you know, run it by you

just to see if you were,

I don't know, interested.

All right.

No, that's totally appropriate

of you to have done that.

Um, maybe you should

ask her out.

Really?

No. No!

What is wrong... No!

It's like me...

I'm sure Dusty'll call, Jose.

No, no, no.

I can't do that back and

forth thing with Dusty.

No, he needs clarity.

I need clarity.

What the hell

happened to AltaVista?

Did you say AltaVista?

Yeah. All right,

f*** poker.

We're watching a LaserDisc.

Every time. Right.

Why don't you just

call it LaserDisc night?

Kings of the Road.

Poison Ivy?

- I got some good titles here.

- What's that one?

I got Jose's biopic, Repulsion.

Here we go.

It's got your name written all over it.

Holocaust.

You're not laughing.

Are you okay?

You want me to call her for you?

No.

Are you sure?

No.

This song is beautiful.

Who is it?

Bridget St John's her name.

She's a '70s folky.

She's still around, though.

It's really nice.

My friend, Jake, he makes me these

tapes off of his old records.

What is it, Violet?

Violet did a bad thing.

Violet, would you

get in here, please?

Gabe, I thought you had them.

Hey, what do you want from me?

I got to get dressed, too.

Just 'cause I don't work

in an office

doesn't mean I don't

have to wear clothes!

No, sh*t.

By the way, you have to cut

the carrots the other way.

What, length-wise?

Yes, otherwise

they're a choking hazard.

This is Mommy

and Daddy's bedroom.

Where are my keys?

I'm disciplining our child, okay?

Kate, are these...

Yes, thank you.

Sorry.

You know, Penny used to do that

third-person thing that Violet's doing

when she drank.

I know, we remember.

We're terrified.

Your mom called.

She's in Syria.

She said your

cell phone is F-U-C-K'd.

Why didn't you

tell her about Dusty?

"She's the best thing

that ever happened to you."

She's gonna call you

when she gets to Istanbul.

Have a great day.

Fred, I love you. Goodbye.

Have a good day.

Remember, no peanut butter.

Me?

Violet.

Why can't Violet

have peanut butter?

Why do you think?

Good. Okay.

This is good.

No!

Jesus God!

Mary had a little man

His speech was made of gold

And everywhere she went

Well, you know where she goes

When it rains It's what

we're reaching for what...

Life,

life has turned inside out All is blind

Just got to be

what you want to

Just got to leave

if you have to

'Cause you got to be

What you want to

Go your own way, let it...

Hey. What's up with...

Mic's out!

Mic's out! Guys.

Mic's out, guys.

What the f***!

F***.

F***.

All right, now it works.

Now the mic works.

F***.

Hey, um, could you just...

Could you hand me that?

Fasten your seatbelt...

Jeez, come on.

Come on. Other way.

Keep it in the other direction.

I'm sorry, my fault.

My fault.

You know, I used to

rock out with my cock out.

I know you did.

I know you did.

- Literally. 1990 Arts Festival.

- It was... It was out.

Totally expelled,

straight to rehab.

Yeah. Now you rock out

with your Crocs out.

Cock.

- A doodle-doo.

- Shh.

A doodle-doo, buddy.

Nice save.

Thank you.

Man, I hope the stepmother

isn't there, man.

Isn't she always there?

Yeah, she's constantly swimming.

She's always swimming.

Swimming, diving. Swirling.

This is mortifying.

Hey, she's living off

the same dole as you are.

I know.

Which one is it?

- It's just...

- Is it up here?

Yeah. Well, you can

pull over here in the...

Like here?

But I mean, I'm doing

the right thing, right?

This one?

Yeah, right here.

I mean, this moving on, I mean,

this is the right... Right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Clarity's a good thing.

I was just thinking I thought

Dusty would call by now.

She'll call.

Yeah. But whatever.

I mean, frog her, right?

Frog her, okay?

You're Tier 2, man.

Yeah, I'm Tier 2.

I'm Tier...

It's like pissing

on a fire hydrant.

Okay. All right.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

You got it.

Hey, Jose! How are you?

Summer!

Hi, how are you...

Hey, how you doing?

Good to see you.

Good to see you.

Come in.

And kidnapping at

the hands of rivaling cartels

in the Mexican

state of Michoacn.

Hey,

do you want an A.P.?

Sorry, what?

It's an Arnold Palmer.

It's like iced tea and lemonade.

Yeah, no. I know what it is.

I didn't realize you could...

abbreviate it. Anyway.

So, where's your dad?

He's your dad, too.

Well, he's really more your dad.

He went out.

He went to get some Orangina

and I asked for some bananas.

But he wanted to give you this.

It's a fist bump.

I know what...

I'm familiar with that.

Okay.

Kind of weird.

What...

Did you...

Where...

Where am I?

Did you add

a floor or something?

Yes, isn't it amazing?

Yeah, no, it's totally amazing.

My show went into syndication so I

gave Mom and Dad the go-ahead to like,

you know, break the piggy bank.

That's magnanimous of you.

Hi, Sue Ellen.

Hi.

Okay.

Hates me.

So, boy.

Man, it is nice here.

My God, so nice, right?

Really nice.

Hold on just a second.

Yeah.

...children

and harvesting their organs.

Amazing.

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