No Way Jose Page #6

have to shave him.

Shut up. Listen.

Hey, we'll get through this.

You just have a bad neck.

No, no, no. No,

I read it could be arterial.

Listen, come closer.

If I get through this,

I think we...

So dizzy.

He's proposing.

Really?

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Let's go.

So basically,

Mickey proposed to her.

Congratulations.

Yeah, whatever, look,

I've been thinking a lot about this, okay?

And I think maybe

I'm a free spirit.

- You?

- Yeah.

Have you even

left town since 9/11?

Yeah, Santa Barbara.

Look, listen to me.

I think maybe I'm a free spirit

and I'm just really

bad at it. Yeah.

I guess that could be true.

Yeah.

You just need practice at it.

Yeah.

But if that is the case,

then you're kind of

out to dinner with the wrong gal

'cause these days, I'm...

Right, Lawrence

told me that you're...

Yeah, sober.

Wow.

A year.

A year. Hey, you know,

good for you, right?

Thanks.

You still have daddy issues,

is that right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, good. All right.

Well, in that case, to a year.

To coconut water.

Mother of Christ, really?

Penny and Mark, it's so good

to see you kids together again.

Hi, Elsie.

Hi, Elsie.

Who the f*** is Mark?

Never mind.

Seriously.

Table that.

Jesus.

Yeah, you have been

record shopping?

Good taste, Penny.

Gotta hand it to you.

You... Everything all right up there?

Okay.

This f***ing cat.

Look at this.

Look at you, Penny.

You still got my little

baby guitar I got you.

You ever play it?

Not recently.

Wow!

Sweet Norma Desmond.

Well, that is definitely

something more...

Is that more comfortable or...

She's very, very comfortable.

Sh*t.

You...

Shh. Shh.

Okay. Okay.

Just shush.

Shh. Quiet nights, Jose.

Quiet nights and quiet stars.

That's not coconut water, is it?

She is having a tiny

little bit of sake.

She's having a carafe, I think,

is what she's having of sake.

So that wasn't,

coconut water at the restaurant, was it?

You should... Shh.

Okay. Yup. I should...

You should be a little quiet.

Okay.

I miss this guitar.

Yeah.

I really, I really, really

miss this guitar. Jesus.

Yeah, I...

Really.

I miss you missing it.

I really miss the guitar.

Well, it's the end of that suit.

Wow. Jesus.

So, Penny, I'm just,

I guess I'm maybe just unclear.

You remember how we were talking

earlier about...

You had said you were so...

I mean, aren't you in the program or...

Fine! Fine!

I always said... Yeah.

What does he want from her?

What does he even want from her?

God, Almighty,

please grant me the serenity

to be fully engorged

by this Mexican,

Jewish-Mexican beard Jew

by the time she counts to cock.

I didn't know you

could count to cock.

She can count to cock.

She can, yeah.

And balls.

She's really good at math?

Penny, it's common sense

If you're worth

your weight, you'll repent

Penny, I miss your scent

Just come back to me

'cause I'm spent

That can't be a good sign.

Holy sh*t!

Indoor voice.

Wife. Seriously.

Shh.

Yeah. I know she's radiant.

I'm angry about it.

Spay that cat right there?

Come on now.

Excuse me. Hi.

We have an emergency here.

Can we see somebody please,

right away?

Yeah, sorry.

What do we got?

No, we want her.

God. I'm sorry.

Okay, no, it's fine.

- You know, we get that a lot.

- Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Morrison, these gentlemen

seem to have found a wounded bird.

No. Okay.

Can you tell me what happened? JOSE: Yeah.

Well, he just...

Yeah, my very sensitive friend

here was playing acoustic guitar,

and this little critter

flew into the window.

Jose, being a little squeamish,

you know how artists are,

he, called in the big guns.

I came and I rescued the

situation which I usually do.

...looked down

and sang a song to me

Of how it began

The trout in the shiny brook

Gave the worm another look

And told me not to worry

about my life

Tree in my own backyard

stands all alone

Bears fruit for me

and it tastes so good

Where's my pretty bird?

Violet. Come on,

we've got to go to school, honey. Let's go.

If I keep singing

he'll come back someday

Bye, Jose.

Bye, Violet.

Have fun at school.

Dawn, bird's still gone

Guess I'll go mow the lawn

What a day, what a day

Ooh, what a beautiful day

this is

I just couldn't do it, you know?

Well,

it's probably for the best that you didn't.

No, I know.

She was so beautiful

last night, my God.

But I'm not...

I'm really not even sure

it's legal when she's like that.

You're not sure what's legal?

Hey, how about

a bathroom break, big guy?

But I don't have to go.

You never know.

Buddy.

What are you doing tonight?

I don't know.

I was actually thinking that maybe

Dusty was right and I should try

and write some children's songs.

There's a lot of money in that.

No, I know, I know.

Or just frog it

and sell the Gibson '79.

Wait, is that the stereo amp with

the separate trem and reverb...

Hey, hey.

F***. Ouch.

Yeah, and it's at the house.

You're going back to the house?

What happened to clarity?

I have clarity.

I just don't have first

and last on an apartment.

- Lawrence, cut it out.

- The ceiling is collapsing on me.

Stop playing with the ceiling.

Why don't you get it fixed?

I pin it, it falls.

Not too close, all right?

Yeah, yeah,

not my first stake-out.

It's not a stake-out.

Isn't that Dusty's car?

Now it's a stake-out.

Jesus Christ, what is she doing?

God, she must have

changed her shift.

F***, I need that amp.

I need it. It's first and last, okay?

It's a vintage amp.

It's worth a lot.

It's in very... I have clarity.

Just be a man and march up

there and get your amp. Come on.

You know what, don't give me

that "be a man" bullshit, okay?

It has no effect on me because

I'm not a man, and I have no...

I don't care.

It's an empty...

It's a partial Mexican standoff.

Fine.

Hey! Tell her it's for

a gig at the Bowl.

You want me to Facebook her?

Dusty?

Yeah.

Facebook her, what do you mean?

That can mean anything.

Many things.

Just do a little recon.

No, I don't want you to do any recon.

I don't want you... No recon.

Okay? I want my amp

and I wanna move on, okay?

And that's it.

Did you give my half-sister

a copy of Lolita?

I may have given her some Nabokov.

I'm not exactly sure which...

Yeah. Okay.

...one it was.

That's great.

Who the f***... Who's that?

Wait, is that a TV?

No, it's Dr. Steve.

Dr. Steve, the guy from...

Dusty's vet.

- They have the amp.

- What the f***...

Does that work on humans?

Yeah,

you could try chewing on a bully stick.

If you don't want

to go to the dentist...

Why are they

coming over? Jesus Christ!

What the f*** are they doing?

You can try chewing on a bone.

A bully stick?

A bully stick, it's like a bone.

I can get those at a pet store?

Yeah, sure.

And it's okay for humans?

Yeah, why not?

Hey, man!

How are ya? How are ya?

Hey, Jose, how you doing, buddy?

Good.

Let me get

that door. Let me...

All right, I'll grab it.

You got it?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes