Norbit Page #9

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today...

I object!

Oh, for Christ's sake!

Norbit.

Norbit.

Norbit.

Norbit

This wedding is a sham

and I'm here to stop it.

Norbit, what are you doing?

I'm being a man

for the first time in my life. Kate...

Kate, I love you.

What the hell did you just say?

You heard what I said, strumpet.

I love Kate!

That's right. I love you, Kate.

And the last two weeks I spent with you

have meant more to me

than my whole entire miserable life

with you, Rasputia!

It's over! Norbit Albert Rice

is no longer your b*tch!

You're dead! Get off me!

Get your hands off me, Black.

Don't go hitting me.

What's wrong with you, girl?

What's wrong with you? Get off of me.

You don't talk like that with me.

No, wait!

No, no, wait, baby girl,

he's ruining our wedding.

Let's just get back to the nuptials.

We just heard condom advice

from an expimp.

I think we can survive

a few words from Norbit.

Deion is a fake. He's marrying you

just to get your money.

What?

Him and the Latimores.

They thought this whole scheme up.

He's been married four times in the

last six years to four different women,

and he cheated the women

out of $300,000 in divorce settlements.

Yeah, I heard all about it!

And something else.

They were gonna try to steal

the orphanage from you.

That's what this whole thing is about!

You crazy! He's got a big crush on you.

He's making this stuff up.

Oh, yeah? I'm crazy?

I'm making it all up?

Yes, you making it up.

Then what about this, then?

This evidence that I have.

Look at this!

This, well...

This used to, before it fell in the pond,

it had numbers

and there was information.

There was people's names

and dates and addresses

and all kinds of incriminating things.

I fell in the pond, but you can't read it.

But, boy, did I have your ass!

That's nice, Norbit. Really nice.

Did you write that yourself? Pathetic.

Kate, you have to believe me.

Yeah, yeah, believe him, Kate.

Remember the one that got you to sign

the papers to steal the orphanage?

Remember that?

Believe him. Go ahead.

I'm so sorry, Norbit.

I just don't trust you anymore.

Well, well, well, Norbit. You lose again.

Once a loser, always a loser, huh?

Now, come on! Let's go!

Yeah, I thought you'd feel

that way about it, Kate.

And that's why I took the liberty

of inviting some of

Deion's exwives down

so maybe they could tell you

for themselves.

Ladies!

Hello, Antoine.

I've been looking for you.

Daddy!

Antoine? He told me

his name was Luther!

Who is that ho?

He told me he was gay.

No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with

my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther.

You dead, gold digger!

Get your butt back here!

I'm out!

Looks like the wedding's off, bro.

Church!

God damn it, Norbit!

Oh, snap!

Get him!

Norbit!

Mother Mary! Jesus! Noah! Christ!

Good.

You going somewhere, Norbit?

You messed up, boy.

That's right.

Now you gonna pay. Big time!

Latimore! Keep your fakakta hands

off him!

Go back to your shop, Abe,

before I kill you, too!

Hey! You gonna have to kill me, as well!

Yeah, and me, too!

Rasputia!

How you doing?

I kick the sh*t out of you.

Mind your goddamn business.

Mind your business. Get out of here.

Move it.

No, you didn't!

Byebye.

Bring it, b*tches!

Oh, hell to the no.

Mrs. Henderson is tripping, huh?

Get your...

You crazy little old b*tch.

How you doing?

Get out of the way.

His ass is mine.

'Sputia? Rasputia?

You remember "till death do us part,"

don't you, Norbit?

No!

Whale, ho!

Did somebody just call me a whale?

Yeah, and a ho!

Bingo! Right in the blow hole!

Let's get some.

We dead.

Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

Norbit!

Are you all right?

All right? This is the best I've ever felt

in my whole life.

Come here.

Proud of that boy.

Yes. Yes, very proud of Norbit.

He like my son.

I'm sorry I doubted you.

In the end, I guess you could say

everything worked out just fine.

Kate and I took over the orphanage

and it was a dream come true.

Oh, and we also got married. Again.

I love you, Kate.

Ditto.

And I now pronounce you my wife.

And I pronounce you my husband.

You may kiss the bride.

What you mean, "Ew"? No, "Ew."

Man kiss a woman, beautiful thing.

Ling Ling.

Come here with your fine self.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

As for Rasputia

and the rest of the Latimores,

we never heard from them again.

Rumor has it they settled somewhere

in Mexico and opened the club.

I guess they're living their dream, too.

Say, man, don't you have

any betterlooking girls than that?

Our best girl's coming out right now.

Rasputia!

Hold on, now, Pepe.

Ain't nothing going down there unless

it got the word "peso" written on it.

THE END:

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