Norbit Page #8

Just get out of here! Scram!

The Latimores are trying to

take control of the orphanage, Norbit.

Well, why don't you go and find

somebody who gives a rat's ass,

because I sure as hell don't!

You don't care?

No, I don't care.

And I don't care about you, either!

Norbit.

The only woman I have ever,

ever loved and ever cared about

was my darling wife, Rasputia!

But last night...

Last night I was just trying to nail you,

you know, score?

But now I realize I don't have to do that!

All I need is my beautiful,

precious wife Rasputia!

She's all the woman I need, so

you can just go on and get out of here,

you screwy dame! Who needs you?

Damn, Norbit.

Did that skinny little thing

figure out your plan?

Girl, you just don't get it, do you?

Norbit played you.

You got her to sign those papers,

didn't you?

Yes, darling.

He been setting you up

from that moment

from the very first day you got here.

How you doing?

Don't you ever talk to me again!

Kate.

Damn, Norbit,

you pissing off everybody today.

Don't you ever talk to me again!

Don't you ever talk to me again!

Never again!

Hey, Norbit.

Mr. Wong,

what are you doing around here?

I just going for a walk, Norbit.

Just going for a walk.

I live in this neighborhood long time.

Long time.

Soon I be moving on.

Yes, as I look around this neighborhood,

I realize there

no good dry cleaners here.

I could make killing.

Why you got suitcase?

I'm getting the H out of here.

I'm leaving town for good.

What? Leaving town?

I thought you stick around,

help Kate run orphanage.

She's getting married

to Deion tomorrow,

so there's no reason

for me to stay around here.

No reason?

No, she won't even see me.

And besides,

I'll just wind up getting hurt again.

Norbit, you listen to me.

You very special to me.

I love you like my own child,

like boy child, not girl child.

Wong once have girl child

back in Shanghai.

When she two years old,

I trade her for yak.

That sort of thing happen in China

from time to time.

Yak very hard to come by.

Oh, yeah, sure. I appreciate that.

You can't run

from your problems, Norbit.

Black people run fast,

but problem even faster.

That's kind of racist.

Yes. Wong very racist. I no like black.

I no like Jew either.

But black and Jew love Chinese food.

Go figure.

Always remember two things, Norbit.

One, even though you're very ugly,

you're very strong inside, like warrior.

And two, mail come late on Friday.

Wong Dry Cleaning.

It could have been huge.

You don't even have to clean nothing,

you just spray with starch.

Mr...

I gotta warn Kate.

Hello?

Hello, Kate. Kate, it's Norbit.

I have to talk to you.

Please don't call me anymore.

No, Kate, it's very important.

Kate?

Going somewhere, Norbit?

No, I was... No.

What did I tell you

about leaving this house?

I was just going to get some fresh air.

Boy, you ain't going nowhere

till after that wedding's done.

We got too much riding on that.

What do you have

riding on the wedding?

Soon as your little friend says, "I do,"

Deion and us is gonna

turn the orphanage into a titty bar.

But what about the little orphans?

Hell, they can come too,

if they pay the cover.

John the Baptist, stop their evil plan.

Get your ass down in the basement.

Get down there!

It's a madhouse! A madhouse!

Come on, Rasputia! We gonna be late.

Yeah.

I know y'all better stop rushing me.

Beauty takes time.

This don't just happen.

Oh, no.

You get out the car.

You gonna stay here

and make sure Norbit don't go no place.

You gonna stay here

and make sure Norbit don't go no place.

What? Why I gotta stay?

Because everybody know

you the smartest.

Three minutes to show time.

Not too late to chicken out.

No, I'm ready.

Okay. You look beautiful.

POWER.

T to the A to the motherstanking P.

Powertap the fat, move back.

Powertap the fat, move back.

What are the Latimores doing here?

Don't worry. It's your day.

You look beautiful.

Nuts.

Tap, tap, tap. Tap it off.

Tap, tap. Tap...

Norbit!

Norbit? Norbit?

Oh, damn. He escaped.

Norbit! Norbit!

Your ass is mine, Norbit!

Yeah.

Just now? Sh*t.

Is he all right?

Norbit escaped. He gonna be

headed this way. Come on.

Hell, no.

Norbit is coming.

For shizzle?

We have to figure out way

to stall wedding.

Just calm down, Mr. Wong.

I've ruined plenty of weddings

back in the day. I got this.

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today

to join these two in holy matrimony.

Your Honor, I object!

Object? Sir, we've not gotten to

that part yet.

Then I'm objeculating prematurely,

Reverend.

No offense, my brother, but we're just

trying to keep the train rolling here.

Oh, well, if you want to

get the train rolling, you know...

You got to use the big "L".

Lesbians.

No, man.

I ain't talking about no lesbians.

Although, late at night.

Yes.

Right?

Yes.

No, brother, we talking about love.

Love.

Love is the engine

that drives the train forward, backwards,

side to side,

round and round love does go.

You understand me? I got this, brother.

I'm not talking about no $20 up in here,

back seat of the car,

stankystanky, hankypanky.

No.

No.

I'm talking about good, wholesome,

fortified with

eight essential vitamins love.

That cost anywhere...

How much it cost?

About $136, Monday through Fridays.

$212 on the weekends.

Because of inflation.

Can I get an "Amen"?

Amen!

Where the hell you going, Norbit?

None of your GD beeswax, Rasputia!

Look at you, you old stupid fool.

You can't even ride a bike.

Oh, yes, I can, because Kate taught me!

Brothers and sisters.

This particular one's for the brothers.

When you buy the ones that say,

"Ribbed for her pleasure,"

turn them inside out

and they ribbed for your pleasure.

Can I get an "Amen"?

Amen!

Now, speaking of ribs and pleasure.

Yes. For a limited time only,

we are proud to present to you

our barbeque, baby back, horseradish,

mustard and

peanut butterencrusted ribs

with a slight Jagermeister infusion

sprinkled with chamomile leaves

with a horseradish

and dandelion salad on a bed of rice.

Buy one Pimp Platter,

get the whole bones free.

No, no, no! That's enough talking.

It's time to get back to the wedding.

It ain't never enough talking

when you talking about love, brother.

Ain't that right?

Yeah!

Let me hear you say it, people!

Love!

Let me hear you sing it, choir!

Love!

I'm gonna rip your head off.

Rasputia.

What?

Car!

I don't give a damn about no car.

I'm ready to die.

Car!

I'm ready to die!

I'm ready to die.

I ain't gonna let you ruin Nipplopolis

for me, boy! Damn!

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die up in here.

Drive the car, God damn it!

What's up, white man?

Pay for your sins. Pay for your sins.

We gonna change your name to Leroy.

Amen!

That's enough!

That's enough! Enough! Enough!

Enough! Enough!

Stop the music!

Hold on.

Shut up! You two, shut up!

That's it. This is husbandandwife time.

Now, let's go. Let's go.

Husbandandwife stuff.

Rate this script:3.5 / 2 votes