Norbit Page #8

Mail.

Expecting a letter, Norbit?

You frightened me.

No, I was just looking through.

How was your date?

Date?

That was no date. That was just...

I just was over at

what'shername's wedding rehearsal.

That's all. It wasn't a date, though.

Oh, really?

Lloyd. Is that you, Lloyd?

Lloyd, what am I gonna do?

Kill the b*tch.

Excuse me? What'd you say?

You heard me. Rub her out.

Take her down. Ice the b*tch.

Hey. Lloyd, you're talking.

She took my legs, Norbit.

She took my legs.

You know what it's like to be a dog

with no legs?

I can't raise one up to pee.

Hell, I can't even hump no more, Norbit.

Humping was my thing.

What is this, Norbit?

Some kind of weird, satanic potato art?

What's this?

It looks like the acid

that we use down at the quarry.

Right!

But this is

Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face.

And, Norbit, if you ever see her again,

if you ever talk to her again,

if you ever so much

as think about the b*tch again,

this is what's gonna happen to her.

How you doing?

You get the picture, Norbit?

Deion, I just think that

we need to take a beat.

It's not you, it's me.

Just if we slow down, I...

Oh, good, you're up.

Deion, we need to talk.

Yes, we do.

I was just at Latimore Construction,

you know, with the renovation plans,

and I found this on Big Black's desk.

What is it?

It's a request to renew

the Golden Wonton's liquor license

and put it in the Latimores' name.

What?

Baby, you signed it yesterday.

Look at the date.

No. No, I didn't sign anything.

Just some permits

that Norbit gave me, but...

Well, did you read them?

No.

No. Great.

I don't get it, though, Deion.

Why would the Latimores

want me to renew the liquor license

at the orphanage?

Baby, people say

they've been trying to get their hands on

that orphanage for years.

Apparently they want to turn it

into a strip joint.

Disgusting.

First you gonna clean the basement,

then you gonna clean the garage,

then you gonna go upstairs

and clean the attic.

We don't even have an attic.

Well, then you build a damn attic, then,

Norbit! And then clean it!

I'm going upstairs to take a bubble bath.

B*tch! You b*tch!

Finally.

I needed this.

Let me submerge this ass.

How you doing?

Good and hot.

Sounds like it's raining outside.

Oh, no.

Kate!

Norbit.

Over here. Over here.

I need to talk to you.

Do you know what was in those papers

you had me sign last night?

Yeah, the construction permits.

No, that's not all.

Norbit.

Hey, just... Just go away, Kate!

Get out of here!

What?

You heard what I said!

Just get out of here! Scram!

The Latimores are trying to

take control of the orphanage, Norbit.

Well, why don't you go and find

somebody who gives a rat's ass,

because I sure as hell don't!

You don't care?

No, I don't care.

And I don't care about you, either!

Norbit.

The only woman I have ever,

ever loved and ever cared about

was my darling wife, Rasputia!

But last night...

Last night I was just trying to nail you,

you know, score?

But now I realize I don't have to do that!

All I need is my beautiful,

precious wife Rasputia!

She's all the woman I need, so

you can just go on and get out of here,

you screwy dame! Who needs you?

Damn, Norbit.

Did that skinny little thing

figure out your plan?

Girl, you just don't get it, do you?

Norbit played you.

You got her to sign those papers,

didn't you?

Yes, darling.

He been setting you up

from that moment

from the very first day you got here.

How you doing?

Don't you ever talk to me again!

Kate.

Damn, Norbit,

you pissing off everybody today.

Don't you ever talk to me again!

Don't you ever talk to me again!

Never again!

Hey, Norbit.

Mr. Wong,

what are you doing around here?

I just going for a walk, Norbit.

Just going for a walk.

I live in this neighborhood long time.

Long time.

Soon I be moving on.

Yes, as I look around this neighborhood,

I realize there

no good dry cleaners here.

I could make killing.

Why you got suitcase?

I'm getting the H out of here.

I'm leaving town for good.

What? Leaving town?

I thought you stick around,

help Kate run orphanage.

She's getting married

to Deion tomorrow,

so there's no reason

for me to stay around here.

No reason?

No, she won't even see me.

And besides,

I'll just wind up getting hurt again.

Norbit, you listen to me.

You very special to me.

I love you like my own child,

like boy child, not girl child.

Wong once have girl child

back in Shanghai.

When she two years old,

I trade her for yak.

That sort of thing happen in China

from time to time.

Yak very hard to come by.

Oh, yeah, sure. I appreciate that.

You can't run

from your problems, Norbit.

Black people run fast,

but problem even faster.

That's kind of racist.

Yes. Wong very racist. I no like black.

I no like Jew either.

But black and Jew love Chinese food.

Go figure.

Always remember two things, Norbit.

One, even though you're very ugly,

you're very strong inside, like warrior.

And two, mail come late on Friday.

Wong Dry Cleaning.

It could have been huge.

You don't even have to clean nothing,

you just spray with starch.

Mr...

I gotta warn Kate.

Hello?

Hello, Kate. Kate, it's Norbit.

I have to talk to you.

Please don't call me anymore.

No, Kate, it's very important.

Kate?

Going somewhere, Norbit?

No, I was... No.

What did I tell you

about leaving this house?

I was just going to get some fresh air.

Boy, you ain't going nowhere

till after that wedding's done.

We got too much riding on that.

What do you have

riding on the wedding?

Soon as your little friend says, "I do,"

Deion and us is gonna

turn the orphanage into a titty bar.

But what about the little orphans?

Hell, they can come too,

if they pay the cover.

John the Baptist, stop their evil plan.

Get your ass down in the basement.

Get down there!

It's a madhouse! A madhouse!

Come on, Rasputia! We gonna be late.

Yeah.

I know y'all better stop rushing me.

Beauty takes time.

This don't just happen.

Oh, no.

You get out the car.

You gonna stay here

and make sure Norbit don't go no place.

You gonna stay here

and make sure Norbit don't go no place.

What? Why I gotta stay?

Because everybody know

you the smartest.

Three minutes to show time.

Not too late to chicken out.

No, I'm ready.

Okay. You look beautiful.

POWER.

T to the A to the motherstanking P.

Powertap the fat, move back.

Powertap the fat, move back.

What are the Latimores doing here?

Don't worry. It's your day.

You look beautiful.

Nuts.

Tap, tap, tap. Tap it off.

Tap, tap. Tap...

Norbit!

Norbit? Norbit?

Oh, damn. He escaped.

Norbit! Norbit!

Your ass is mine, Norbit!

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