Norbit Page #7

Come sit, please.

I'm making my specialty just for you.

Hey. Did you make my favorite?

What do you think, huh?

I'm gonna take the flowers,

put them into water, okay?

He's a nice man.

Your favorite?

I guess you and Rasputia

come here a lot, huh?

Oh, no. We used to,

but she got banned for life

because Sam had

an allyoucaneat buffet once

and she took it as a personal challenge,

and it got pretty ugly.

I wanna make a toast.

Oh, sure.

To old friends.

To old friends.

We were buddy partners, all right,

Norbit. We were.

I tell you, you know,

sometimes I think

I should've never married Rasputia.

What do you mean, Norbit?

I was just really young, you know,

and she latched on to me

and kind of helped me fit in

and gave me a family, so...

We had nobody, Norbit.

I mean, who can blame us

for wanting to feel safe, you know?

Yeah, safe.

Like you and Deion?

Yeah.

I mean,

it's different with Deion, obviously.

So, what have you got here?

Those are just construction papers,

permits and stuff that you have to sign.

Kate, can I ask you

a personal question?

Sure, what?

Do you love Deion?

Of course. Yeah.

Otherwise,

why would I be marrying him, right?

Right?

Got your pizza.

It is about time.

I'm about to disappear up in here

I'm so hungry.

Norbit out draining a swamp

or something.

Yeah, he's definitely draining a swamp.

He's draining a swamp like he would be.

Why you looking at me like that?

Where's Norbit?

Draining a swamp.

And why are you looking at me like that?

He's out there in the woods,

draining a swamp. I told you before.

I don't know nothing.

I don't know nothing, okay?

He's on a date with that fine skinny girl!

It's pain time here! I ain't having this!

Oh, hell, no. And on top of that

he been messing with my seat again?

Damn it, Norbit!

He got me destroying my sh*t.

This is it.

It's always so beautiful in here.

Peaceful.

Hello, Kate, Norbit.

Hey.

Didn't know anybody was here.

I was getting ready to close up shop.

You know, Kate,

this all happened so fast,

I realized we never had

a chance to rehearse.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

So, come on up here.

Let me at least show you

where you're gonna stand.

Come on.

All right.

Rasputia. You know

you no allowed in here.

The hell with that. Where's Norbit?

I don't see Norbit.

Anybody is a see Norbit?

No.

He hasn't been here.

Then who was eating a turkey ass?

Run! Run! Run!

At which point

you'll give your vows to Deion.

You want to practice those?

Well, I hadn't actually gotten to that

quite yet.

You don't even know

what you're gonna say yet?

Well, what would you say, Norbit?

I don't know.

What would I say?

Norbit!

Don't cha wish your girlfriend

was hot like me

Don't cha wish your girlfriend

was a freak like me

Don't cha

What would I say if I was saying vows?

I guess...

Kate,

I think about you all day long.

And when I'm not near you,

all I think about is being near you.

And when you are near me,

I feel like I'm at peace

with the whole world.

I know that...

I know I'll never have to

ask God for anything

'cause, as long as I have you in my life,

I got everything I ever wanted.

And the only thing

I really wanna do is just

spend the rest of my life making you

as happy as you've made me.

Because I love you, Kate.

I love you.

I don't know. Something like that.

And after the vows you would then...

Okay.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, I have to go.

I'm sorry.

Awkward.

Yeah.

Give me that crowbar.

I got some killing to do.

Damn it!

I'm a Christian. You got me

up in this church cursing, Norbit.

Death do us part, huh? Okay, Norbit.

Look like you done moved up

the goddamn schedule.

I'm cursing again.

Pray, b*tch, pray.

Our Father, who art in heaven,

hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done

on Earth as it is in heaven.

Kate, please. Kate, please, I'm sorry.

Kate, please, stop and talk to me.

Please, please, Kate.

Talk to me, please.

I can't, Norbit.

I'm just too confused right now.

I'm sorry. It was all my fault.

I never should have kissed you.

No.

I wanted you to.

That's why I'm so confused.

Good night.

She wanted me to.

Where the papers at, Norbit?

Got them for you right here.

I'd hate to be you right now.

Why?

Go on in the house.

Go on in.

Go ahead, fool. What you waiting for?

Get on in.

Hello?

Chocolate drop, I'm home.

Lollipop?

Mail.

Expecting a letter, Norbit?

You frightened me.

No, I was just looking through.

How was your date?

Date?

That was no date. That was just...

I just was over at

what'shername's wedding rehearsal.

That's all. It wasn't a date, though.

Oh, really?

Lloyd. Is that you, Lloyd?

Lloyd, what am I gonna do?

Kill the b*tch.

Excuse me? What'd you say?

You heard me. Rub her out.

Take her down. Ice the b*tch.

Hey. Lloyd, you're talking.

She took my legs, Norbit.

She took my legs.

You know what it's like to be a dog

with no legs?

I can't raise one up to pee.

Hell, I can't even hump no more, Norbit.

Humping was my thing.

What is this, Norbit?

Some kind of weird, satanic potato art?

What's this?

It looks like the acid

that we use down at the quarry.

Right!

But this is

Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face.

And, Norbit, if you ever see her again,

if you ever talk to her again,

if you ever so much

as think about the b*tch again,

this is what's gonna happen to her.

How you doing?

You get the picture, Norbit?

Deion, I just think that

we need to take a beat.

It's not you, it's me.

Just if we slow down, I...

Oh, good, you're up.

Deion, we need to talk.

Yes, we do.

I was just at Latimore Construction,

you know, with the renovation plans,

and I found this on Big Black's desk.

What is it?

It's a request to renew

the Golden Wonton's liquor license

and put it in the Latimores' name.

What?

Baby, you signed it yesterday.

Look at the date.

No. No, I didn't sign anything.

Just some permits

that Norbit gave me, but...

Well, did you read them?

No.

No. Great.

I don't get it, though, Deion.

Why would the Latimores

want me to renew the liquor license

at the orphanage?

Baby, people say

they've been trying to get their hands on

that orphanage for years.

Apparently they want to turn it

into a strip joint.

Disgusting.

First you gonna clean the basement,

then you gonna clean the garage,

then you gonna go upstairs

and clean the attic.

We don't even have an attic.

Well, then you build a damn attic, then,

Norbit! And then clean it!

I'm going upstairs to take a bubble bath.

B*tch! You b*tch!

Finally.

I needed this.

Let me submerge this ass.

How you doing?

Good and hot.

Sounds like it's raining outside.

Oh, no.

Kate!

Norbit.

Over here. Over here.

I need to talk to you.

Do you know what was in those papers

you had me sign last night?

Yeah, the construction permits.

No, that's not all.

Norbit.

Hey, just... Just go away, Kate!

Get out of here!

What?

You heard what I said!

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