Norbit Page #6

Oh, no. Hell, no. I'm a Christian,

and you ain't gonna sit there

and blame God for how you look, okay?

You the one that

pushed that plate away.

My Norbit is always telling me

there's two kinds of women,

big old good ones

and good old big ones.

Really?

That's right. And, sister, let me tell you,

just between the two of us,

I can't keep Norbit off me.

He is the biggest freak

you ever wanna meet

and he be blowing my back out,

trying to put me

through the headboard every night.

I'm thinking about

going on a little diet or something

so I can get

all emaciatedlooking like you,

then he'll think I look disgusting

and I can get a rest

or some sleep for a little while,

because he want it all the time.

Just boom, bam, boom, boom, boom.

But I ain't mad at him, hey.

I'm gonna go on a diet for sure,

next week.

Right now I'm gonna get me

a lamb kabob and a wine cooler.

How you doing?

Where is that wine cooler section?

Miss Thomas, we're all going off

the Leap of Doom. Come on.

Slowly. Slowly.

Someone's gonna fall down.

You're gonna break your head in half

in a second. Slow down!

Wait for me!

I tell you, it sure is tiring chasing these

kids all around the water park, isn't it?

Especially for us skinny folk.

What?

Never mind.

So, Norbit, I have some news.

Deion and I

decided to move up the wedding.

What wedding?

Our wedding.

We're going to get married on Saturday.

You're getting married on Saturday?

Yeah, we just figured, "Why wait?"

You know?

Well... Congratulations, then.

Thanks.

Yeah.

I'm really happy.

Oh, so am I. It's wonderful.

So, there it is, the Leap of Doom.

Yeah, go and have fun.

I'll wait for you at the bottom.

You go have some fun.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, kids, one at a time.

I guess this is me.

What are you looking at, Norbit?

I was just watching the... Some kids.

They're about to come down the slide.

I wanted to watch

the kids come down safely.

Kids, huh?

Yeah.

So, you wanna watch a b*tch

come down a slide?

Well, I'm gonna show you

how a b*tch come down a slide.

Oh, no...

Excuse me, ma'am?

We have a 300pound weight limit.

I don't weigh no damn 300 pounds.

I weigh 165. How you doing?

That was awesome.

What's that?

It's Rasputia.

I'm gonna show you

how a b*tch go down a slide.

I'm sliding, b*tches!

Mary, Mother of God.

Slow down! Stop! Stop!

How you doing?

Why does she have to go

and get married, Lloyd?

Things were going so well.

There it is.

Hey. Sorry about the concussion.

It's okay.

And the whiplash.

It's okay.

And the bruised stomach.

And the blood clot.

Nothing.

You know damn well that's your baby.

You know it's yours. Got the same chin.

The same lip.

That baby got the same head as you

and the same eye...

Go take the test. Take the test.

You want to hear the test results?

In the case of the little baby...

Well, the test says that is your baby.

How you doing?

Latimore Construction, Norbit speaking.

Hey, Norbit, it's Kate.

Is there any way you can meet me

in town right now?

Yeah, sure.

Great. I'm at McCormick's.

Okay. Fine.

Rasputia, I'm just loaded up

with paperwork up to my ear.

I was wondering, could you run

these permits downtown for me?

Now you tell me

what in the hell I look like,

running some goddamn permits

down to City Hall for your ass.

You do it.

You do it.

Okay.

What's the surprise?

No, I'm not telling you.

Tell me. Hey, no, what are you doing?

Not till the last second.

What? What?

You ready?

Yeah, what is it?

Ta-dah!

I know you don't think

I'm gonna get on that thing.

I think you're gonna get on that.

Hey, no way. Hey.

Come on! Look where you wanna go.

You're doing great.

You got it? You got it? You got it?

Watch out for the fence!

And the mailbox.

Rasputia, the painters from

the Crestview site got food poisoning.

There's vomit everywhere!

You know damn well

you clean up all the vomit. You do it!

I don't feel safe.

Yeah! You're doing great!

Yeah.

The Portosans at Drummond's

tipped over!

Well, go clean the sh*t up!

Rasputia?

You do it!

I got it!

Go!

I'm getting it! I'm doing it!

You're doing it! Yeah, but slow down!

How?

With the brakes! The brakes!

Oh, no. Are you okay?

Yeah. Actually, that was kind of fun.

Come on.

Okay, help me.

Okay?

Yeah, yeah.

So, I'm going to Giovanni's tonight

to choose the food for the reception.

You wanna come? Help me decide?

What about Deion?

I just don't trust him with food.

You know,

he made dinner for us the other night.

It tasted like cheap takeout.

Well, I'll go.

Good.

Well, I just have to go get my dress,

and then we can meet, say, at 7:00?

Okay, that's great.

Perfect, Norbit.

Okay, see you at 7:00.

Norbit!

All right. Yeah, Norby.

You guys are all pervs.

I love it.

What's wrong?

Are you sure we're not rushing things?

I know we're not. I know we're not.

I couldn't be happier.

Norbit, that's a date.

No, it's not. She just wants someone...

Are you paying for this encounter

this evening?

Of course not!

Then that's a date.

Don't be trying to tell a pimp his game.

Come on, baby.

Thank you.

Carmen, honey!

All right.

Well, who are you getting all fine for?

Hello, Rasputia. Well, that's nice.

Oh, yeah, right.

Why you trying to look all extra today?

Oh, I'm just, you know, being a girl.

My fianc likes it

when I take care of myself.

Look to me like

that fish already in his net.

You look like

you fixing to catch you a new fish.

What? No. God. Don't be silly.

You're married. You're here.

I don't do this for my husband.

Girl, I do this

because I have a reputation to uphold.

Everybody in this town know that

Rasputia Latimore is fine. Ain't I fine?

You fine, girl! You are fine.

Sister!

Everybody knows.

But even a delicate flower like me

need a little water from time to time.

Or a little lye in her kitchen

to help straighten out them petals.

How you doing?

Rasputia.

Helga waiting on you, girl,

to do your bikini wax.

Here I come, girl.

I got to go, girl. Every now and then

I got to mow the lawn.

You just make sure

all that sprucing up is for your fianc.

Helga, here I come, girl.

It's a full moon, too.

Here we go, dear.

I was looking for Norbit's police whistle.

Go fish.

What's up?

Everything on schedule

with the wedding?

I got my own problems, but I'll handle it.

What's this situation

you're talking about?

The liquor license on the orphanage.

It won't roll over

when the property changes hands,

not without one of

these transfer requests upfront.

Yeah, and getting a new license

could take years.

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