Norbit Page #5

You Deion Hughes?

Who's asking?

We the Latimores.

Yeah. Latimore Construction.

And we run this town.

Your woman was telling us how y'all

was planning on buying the orphanage.

Kate has her plans and I have mine.

Well, it looks like the only plans you got,

my man, is leaving.

I ain't sticking around

raising no damn orphans.

I got kids of my own

I ain't even bringing up.

So, you was just hustling her?

Break it to her gentle for me,

would you? I'm out!

Hold up, player.

I think you missing the flow here.

That orphanage she buying,

that's a huge property,

outside of town, zoned commercial.

Even got a liquor license.

Interesting.

It's a perfect place for a titty bar.

Did you say "titty bar"?

Titties.

We got it all worked out.

We gonna call it Nipplopolis.

Nipplopolis.

Sh*t got a ring to it, don't it?

We talking about overpriced,

watereddown alcohol

and fake tig old bitties in abundance.

Ain't gonna be nothing but taxfree,

underthetable, pure cash money.

Big time!

That's right.

All you got to do is swing us the deal

and we make you partner.

And what about Kate?

If you marry her,

it's as much yours as hers.

Norbit, I really want you

to be a part of the orphanage.

The kids are crazy about you.

They're good kids.

Yeah.

You know, I'm gonna take them

bike riding tomorrow, down by the lake.

Why don't you come?

I don't know if I could go for a bike ride.

I never... I didn't really know how, the...

I can't ride a bike still.

You never learned? What?

Well, you left, you know,

and there was nobody

there to teach me.

And Wong don't ride.

Okay, we'll do something else.

The water park.

The kids have been begging me

to take them there.

Oh, I don't know about the water park.

Come on, it's a Saturday.

You don't have to work.

Yeah, I know, but it's the park

and it's watery,

and there's a potential hell to pay

if I were to be there maybe...

Hey, what are you doing

with those things, Kate?

Well, I'm just going to have to shock you

till you say yes.

Hey, come on, Kate.

Don't play with those.

Those things are plugged in. It's hot.

Clear.

No, no clear. No clear. Stop, Kate.

Stop, Kate.

Come on. Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, yes, yes, yes! Okay, stop. Nurse!

Oh, my God, Deion. This is beautiful.

I didn't even know you could cook.

I just wanted to do something special

for you, you know, from the heart.

Well, I am feeling it.

Let's do it. Let's get married, right away.

I don't wanna wait.

Deion.

Church is free on Saturday.

You're serious?

Baby, we belong together.

Yeah.

I want to. Saturday.

Yeah. Yes!

Thank you.

Oh, no, thank you.

Norbit!

Hi. Hey. Good morning, Rasputia.

Good morning.

How are you this morning?

Where the hell you going?

Nowhere special.

I was just gonna go out to...

I was just going over to Raging Waters.

Raging Waters?

Yes. It's this thing

I got roped into, darling.

You know, I was at this orphanage

when I was raised, and...

And the people from the orphanage

and now they're taking other orphans

to Raging Waters

so they asked me to come

and give back to the community,

so I'm trying to, you know, do my part.

Little Miss Skinny B*tch gonna be there?

You mean Miss Ling Ling?

You know damn well

I ain't talking about no Miss Ling Ling.

I'm talking about Miss Thing Thing

from that picnic.

Miss Thing Thing from the picnic?

Who are you talking about, sweetheart?

I don't even...

Wait, I think I remember now.

A girl, she had the foreign name.

Something Russian.

Kate, b*tch!

Kate! Of course it's Kate. Yes,

I don't know if Kate's gonna be there.

I hadn't even thought about it.

It didn't even cross my mind.

I wonder, will Kate be there?

Damn good question.

Well, I'm going.

No!

You don't like water parks,

Rasputia. No.

You don't like water parks,

Rasputia. No.

Who don't like water parks? I love them.

They're just like amusement parks,

except you ain't got to get off the ride

to go to the bathroom.

How you doing?

Great.

There you go. Have fun.

There you go, Brian.

Nick, there's one for you.

All right, kids, everybody please be nice

to Mrs. Latimore, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Kate, I hope you don't mind.

I asked Rasputia to join us.

Of course not.

I'm really glad you could come.

Well, are we gonna stand around here

all day or we gonna go inside?

Excuse me.

Excuse me, ma'am.

What?

Are you wearing bottoms?

Of course I'm wearing bottoms!

Okay. Come on in.

How dare you?

Oh, hell, no.

How you doing!

This ain't like no real beach,

'cause on a real beach you got people

walking around with ice chests

and you can get all kinds of treats

like sandwiches and potato chips

and Mentos and Skittles

and all sorts of delectables.

You can't get sh*t here!

Well, you know,

there's a concession stand.

You going?

No, I already ate.

Well, you could have fooled me.

I'm sorry?

I'm just trying to say

you too damn skinny. Look at you.

See, most men like a woman

that got a little... Or a little...

You ain't got nothing.

You just skin and bones,

just sitting in that chair

all bones and skin.

I feel sorry for you.

Well, I just feel that we're all made

exactly the way we're supposed to be.

Oh, no. Hell, no. I'm a Christian,

and you ain't gonna sit there

and blame God for how you look, okay?

You the one that

pushed that plate away.

My Norbit is always telling me

there's two kinds of women,

big old good ones

and good old big ones.

Really?

That's right. And, sister, let me tell you,

just between the two of us,

I can't keep Norbit off me.

He is the biggest freak

you ever wanna meet

and he be blowing my back out,

trying to put me

through the headboard every night.

I'm thinking about

going on a little diet or something

so I can get

all emaciatedlooking like you,

then he'll think I look disgusting

and I can get a rest

or some sleep for a little while,

because he want it all the time.

Just boom, bam, boom, boom, boom.

But I ain't mad at him, hey.

I'm gonna go on a diet for sure,

next week.

Right now I'm gonna get me

a lamb kabob and a wine cooler.

How you doing?

Where is that wine cooler section?

Miss Thomas, we're all going off

the Leap of Doom. Come on.

Slowly. Slowly.

Someone's gonna fall down.

You're gonna break your head in half

in a second. Slow down!

Wait for me!

I tell you, it sure is tiring chasing these

kids all around the water park, isn't it?

Especially for us skinny folk.

What?

Never mind.

So, Norbit, I have some news.

Deion and I

decided to move up the wedding.

What wedding?

Our wedding.

We're going to get married on Saturday.

You're getting married on Saturday?

Yeah, we just figured, "Why wait?"

You know?

Well... Congratulations, then.

Thanks.

Yeah.

I'm really happy.

Oh, so am I. It's wonderful.

So, there it is, the Leap of Doom.

Yeah, go and have fun.

I'll wait for you at the bottom.

You go have some fun.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay, kids, one at a time.

I guess this is me.

What are you looking at, Norbit?

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