Norbit Page #4

making any hasty decisions

that she might regret later, you know?

She worked too hard for this money,

man, you know what I mean?

Deion, you take

such good care of me, baby.

It's my job. Stop it.

Okay?

Don't you just love Tuesdays?

Lloyd, just tell me why it has to hurt

so GD much.

What's the matter, boy?

You sensing an earthquake

or some other sort of natural disaster?

That's just my...

My wife.

A man needs his own space.

Finally! For the love of Cain.

Moses!

I'll see you suckers

tomorrow at the picnic!

Damn it, Norbit!

How many times I got to tell you,

don't be messing with my car seat!

Nobody touched your old, stupid seat.

Then how come

it's all mushed up like this, then?

Well, you know, Rasputia,

you've been eating so much lately

there's a very strong possibility that...

The car is shrinking.

Might be shrinking.

The car is being smaller.

Yeah, you might be right. Been raining

a lot lately. All this moist weather.

Oh, yeah? That'll make it shrink.

This weather's so moist.

How you doing?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend

was hot like me

Don't cha wish your girlfriend

was a freak like me

Don't cha

Look at that dog over there,

eyeballing me.

Rasputia, what are you doing?

Shut up!

Hey, slow down! You're gonna hit him!

I got you now. I got you now!

Stop it! No!

I'm gonna get you. I'm gonna get you.

Rasputia, don't! No! No! No!

I know what that sound means!

I know what that sound means!

Bark! How you doing!

Lloyd!

Enough is enough.

Now, where in the hell

do you think you're going?

Lloyd's in the hospital because of you!

Yeah, that's right.

I put his little dog ass in the hospital.

And I'd have put it in the morgue, too,

if you didn't mess with my car seat.

It threw off my driving skills.

Rasputia, you are a mean, selfish, cold,

heartless woman, and I am leaving you!

You leaving me?

Yes!

Well, where the hell

you think you're going, big shot?

You ain't got no money.

You ain't got no family.

Everything is in my name, the car,

the house...

You ain't nothing and you ain't gonna

never be nothing without me, Norbit!

Norbit, you just can't leave!

Norbit, please, I'm with child!

With child?

Oh, yes, Norbit, can't you tell?

I'm getting a little belly.

And my titties is all achy and itchylike.

Oh, Norbit, we gonna be a family.

Oh, Norbit, come hug me,

Daddy, please.

Please, Norbit.

I understand, little pony.

I know your pain.

Oh, yes, I know.

Excuse me, snow bunny.

I don't come in your jurisdiction,

throwing town picnics.

Yet here you is all up in mines,

pimping hos.

It's just a kissing booth.

Call it what you will,

but Pope Sweet Jesus

is taking half.

You work for me now, ho.

Sure.

Let me taste the goods.

Put it on me.

Greasy.

Greasy.

We back in business.

I wanna be a ho. How do I apply?

Please, Lord Jesus, help me!

Look, look, tickets! Hey, tickets, tickets.

Let me go! Let me go!

Line up with your buddy.

Line up with your buddy.

You got one, sweetie.

Can we go on the jumper?

Yeah, yeah, you go.

Baby, you know I love you.

I love these kids.

It's just that

I don't think buying an orphanage

is the right move financially right now.

That's all.

Hey, this is not

a financial decision, Deion.

I thought you understood that, baby.

No. No, I do. I do, baby.

But this the call I was telling you...

The business call, it's very important.

Let's talk about it

when I get back to the house, okay?

You're not going to stay?

No, very important. Here.

Hello? It's never a bad time for you.

Stop it! Stop!

Norbit!

Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

I didn't know you were gonna be here.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, you know, I just saw Deion leaving.

He had some business to take care of.

So, who are you here with?

My wife.

Norbit, I didn't know you were married.

Yeah.

Well, that's wonderful. Really.

Thank you so much.

So, where is she?

Right over there in the print outfit.

The one talking to the girl by the bench?

No, the one sucking the jelly

out of them donuts.

Oh, yeah. She's pretty.

That's cherry.

Is that cherry or strawberry?

What are my kids doing? Peter! Theo!

I don't want you bothering anyone.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice.

Mrs. Rice?

My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice.

Oh, I just thought

'cause you're married to Norbit...

Who the hell are you?

Kate, this is my wife,

Rasputia Latimore,

and, Rasputia, this is Kate.

Nice to meet you.

Hello.

Kate's an old friend of mine

from the orphanage.

Latimore, as in Latimore Construction?

Yes, that's right,

as in Latimore Construction.

That's right. Why?

Well, just that this is perfect,

'cause I was going to come see

you guys about a renovation of...

I ain't come out here for that.

I'm out here to enjoy these festivities,

not to be talking no business.

You wanna talk business,

my brother is Big Black Jack

over there by the BB guns.

Go over there and talk to him.

I ain't got no time for this.

Oh, sure, okay.

Well, go on, get.

Okay.

Okay.

Come here.

What, Rasputia?

You thinking about creeping, ain't you?

We're just friends.

What'd I tell you about having friends?

Go over there

and get me another wine cooler.

It's hot as hell out here.

Don't you see I'm sweltering?

Rasputia, you can't drink wine.

Why the hell not?

You're with child.

With child? I ain't with no...

Oh, that was... I had gas. I still got it.

There's your child.

Now, go get me something to drink.

Twins!

Hey! You come back here!

Oh, my God!

Move your fat ass, boy.

Look, you got one!

Get him. Get him, Big Black.

Are you Big Black Jack?

What it look like?

Oh, well.

Me and my fianc

are buying the Golden Wonton...

Wong's place? He's selling it to you?

Yeah. Why is that surprising?

Miss Thomas, Miss Thomas, let's go.

They're starting the music.

Oh, great!

Come on. Let's go.

Can we finish this up later?

Apparently I have to go dance now.

All right, baby. You go dance now.

The orphanage is in play.

Y'all better give me my hat.

Give me the hat!

Here, take her hat.

You think I won't come up in here?

I'm gonna come up in here.

You think I'm playing?

Give me the hat right now,

or I'm gonna tear your leg off.

Hey, Norbit, come on!

Oh, no. No, I can't.

Rasputia's waiting for me.

Come on, dance with us.

No, really, I shouldn't...

Don't think I won't kill a child.

I'll kill a child in front of everybody.

Little street urchins.

Okay. That's it.

Now it's time to bring the pain.

Dance, Norbit, dance! Come on!

My hat!

It's raining little white women.

My prayers have been answered!

She'd better move,

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