Norm of the North Page #3

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but as you know,

it's impossible to get in

without an alumni

recommendation.

Yeah, but she ain't gettin' in

until the condos get in.

I won't let you down, I promise.

Vera, scrap the campaign.

We need a real symbol

of the Arctic

who can talk to these people

and convince these morons

to buy my homes.

Find an actor who looks

just like that bear.

Let's use the Arctic

to sell the Arctic.

Boo-yah!

An actor that looks just like that bear?

Oh, brother.

You heard them, Norm.

They want an actor

who can use the Arctic

to sell the Arctic.

If that actor is you,

we can use the Arctic

to save the Arctic.

You need to go to New York

and stop these houses

from ever getting here.

I hear they have good pizza

in New York.

Come on.

Can you feel it?

Now it's coming back,

we can steal it

If we bridge this gap,

I can see it

Through the curtains

of the waterfall

So say Geronimo!

Can you feel

- My love?

- Bombs away

Bombs away

Bombs away...

Wow, what can a bear like me

do in a city like this?

Lemmings, I have a feeling

this journey

might not be as smooth

as we hoped.

Just got to remember to stay...

grounded.

Whoa!

This place is so amazing, Mom.

Did you know that their Latin

department is so good,

they single-handedly

resuscitated the language?

- It's no longer dead.

- Well, it's a school for only

the gifted and talented geniuses

like you. it really is perfect.

But try not to fall in love

just yet, okay?

This is only a tour.

We still need Mr. Greene's help and--

Mom, you're putting

too much pressure on yourself.

We don't need Greene's help.

I can get in on my own.

I know it.

Just have fun in there, sweetheart.

It's the most amazing thing.

I gotta tell all my seal buddies.

You press the lever,

the water goes up.

Um, oh, hey, guys.

Come on in.

Um, help yourself to some

fur balls in the fridge.

Another talking bear?

We gotta tell Mr. Greene.

Wait. What do you mean,

"another talking bear"?

Oh!

Bring the tranquilizer guns.

Over.

Hyah!

Whoa!

Huh?

Greene House Company,

where art thou?

The King of the Arctic

has come to greet you.

Well, it's not "Macbeth,"

but it's a job.

Okay, bad costume,

but he knows the way to Greene.

- There he is!

- Huh?

Come on, lemmings.

Hey! Hah-ha-hah!

Yes, I am the King of the Arctic,

and the king is hungry!

Sustenance!

Hark! Seal, hark, I say!

Hey, you!

Hey!

- There he is!

- I think we can take him.

A real polar bear always

does his own stunts.

Come here

and feel my Arctic wrath.

En garde!

Jeez, they don't call this place

a "concrete jungle" for nothing.

Whoa, yes!

Hunh!

It was just a misunderstanding.

We thought you was

a real talking bear.

Thank you.

That's a fantastic compliment.

Aah!

Mad rats! Mad rats!

Yes! Run, cowards!

Get back here, lemmings!

So you're here for

the Greene Homes audition?

"King of the Arctic," I take it.

Yeah. Use the Arctic

to sell the Arctic.

It makes sense.

Well, you certainly look

the part of a bear.

That costume is exquisite.

Just a little something

I threw together.

Yes...

I thought I had this role locked up,

but now my bear suit is ruined.

Oh, I'll never get this one.

Look, when you were

attacking those men,

you really had me convinced

you were a bear.

Yes, I am

a phenomenal actor,

but I can't compete with you.

Such authenticity.

You even smell

like a polar bear.

Me, I smell like macaroni

and sweet vermouth.

Now go and get that part!

Mr. Greene, let me be frank.

Condos in the Arctic

is a ludicrous idea.

Now, condos in the Bahamas--

that people can understand.

Until we can see public support,

we will not approve this.

Polar Council, please.

I do this all over the world.

I know where people

want to live before they do.

Our homes are very deluxe,

and you would love them,

Councilwoman.

People aren't interested

in living in the Arctic.

Know how I know?

Because that graph shows

you're currently

at a 3% approval rating.

Until that number

gets above 85%...

not approved.

Hi, everyone.

Sign in and wait over there, Travolta.

Hey, guys. Toilet's right there.

Help yourselves.

Whatever.

Oh, yeah.

Looks like we're real close

to approval, Vera.

Great work.

We need to get to 85%,

and we're at what,

2.8?

Vera, where is my bear?

Mr. Greene, I've got bear actors

from Broadway

and the big screen

coming right now.

Well, I hope so.

Because if you fail,

you can kiss

your daughter's chances

of getting into

my alma mater goodbye.

Know what else

you can kiss goodbye?

Yo' job!

'Cause I promise you, it will vanish,

just like those condos we built

in the Bermuda Triangle.

Mr. Greene, I have

the investors on Skype for you.

Oh, great.

The Arctic condo investors.

And no approval for Arctic condos!

Thank you all for coming.

Okay, we're looking for real.

Let me have it!

Okay, I'm not quite getting

"King of the Arctic."

it's more like

"Queen of the Prom."

Bear, bear, bear, bear.

I need real.

I need something to save my--

You, come with me.

Only if I can bring my lemmings.

We're with the same agency.

Cute. And very marketable.

Bring 'em.

Mr. Greene,

meet Norm of the North.

Yeah, he's pretty.

And I feel scared.

Ooh, ah.

But can Norma play

"King of the Arctic"?

It's Norm.

Aah! Help!

Help! I'm being mugged!

Just take the watch,

take my wallet.

Just don't touch my ponytail.

That's where--

That's where I keep all my powers.

Aah! Vera, Vera!

Throw me my Mace!

And my wet wipes!

Sorry, Mr. Greene.

I was just, uh, keepin' it real.

You know, trying to use the Arctic

to sell the Arctic, you know.

Norm is just a consummate actor.

He certainly looks the part.

And he even brought

Arctic lemmings.

Janet! The rats are back!

Call pest control,

because the fire department

doesn't show up on time!

Om... Gonna die.

Mr. Greene,

you said authentic sells,

and no one does authentic better

than Norm of the North.

Well, he's too authentic.

I mean, we need a bear

that is happy,

that makes people

feel warm and safe.

You know, fake!

You're fired, Norm.

Get out of my office.

- Om...

- You want happy bear?

You got happy bear.

Let me speak free

Be who you wanna be,

stand up and shout

Shout it out...

Yeah! This is great.

Add three more dancers

and we got a boy band.

Let your crazy out,

shout it, shout it

Shout it out loud

Do it, do it, do it right now...

Norm, I take it back.

You're hired.

Vera, take our newest star

out to lunch.

Come on, Norm. We'll go

to Kozawa Sushi just upstairs.

It's the freshest fish in town.

Kozawa's pricey.

Uh, okay-- Vera,

can you come here for a second?

Just no lobster, Kobe,

or tipping, okay?

By the way, Norm,

if you like mixed drinks,

you must try the flat

and sparkling water.

That actor actually smells like a bear.

I haven't smelled anything

that foul since--

Wait a minute.

Has he spoken again?

Uh,nope.

Something felt a little too real

with that bear.

The only thing that looks like a bear,

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