Normal Adolescent Behavior Page #4

Bernard!

Ay dios mio.

- Oh, my gosh!

- Oh, wow.

Look at his hair!

Maur, you can see

the fabulous faux leather pants.

Those were featured

last week

by Nicole Richie,

actually in a bra.

You look amazing.

- You think so?

- Amazing.

Fantastic.

Billie, I wanna

give you new hair?

Sexy.

Pull the pants down.

Whoo!

Eat the microphone. Eat it.

Yeah!

Oh, look, he's like

a little brontosaurus.

- Oh, God.

- That's right.

- I'm gonna vomit.

- Very nice.

And last, but definitely

not least, we have... Chip!

- Chip?

- Chip!

Very nice!

Wah wah wah

- I love the anarchist look.

- Yeah.

Who's got dollar bills?

We're gonna...

- Yeah!

- I don't, but I have cookies.

Hey!

Bling-Bling.

Put 'em in the shorts!

Put 'em in the shorts!

- Ahh!

- Whoo!

I am definitely feeling

some joy at this moment.

- Whoo!

- Look at that ass, Maur.

Oh, my God.

My goodness. The belt.

An added touch.

- I like it.

- Whoo!

Very nice.

You can see they've been

prepping for the Olympics

all summer.

Very nice.

Gotta make my money.

Gotta make my money.

I don't have dollar bills,

but I have cookies.

- Dance for the money.

- Whoo!

Lovely!

Who's gonna eat that?

Billie, I would like

to congratulate you

on a wonderful display.

Yay!

Your fashion line-up's

so beautiful, so moving,

so revolutionary.

Whoo!

Um, now, I hope you'd all

like to join us on the table.

Morning.

Morning.

- Morning, Mom.

- Morning.

I would kill for your body.

Best thing I can say

is don't get pregnant.

I'd have

a flat stomach by now

if I'd stayed a person

and not become a mother.

Mom!

Exactly.

Geez. Can we go?

- Hold on.

- How?

- You go.

- Where?

Go see

if he wants a ride.

Shut up.

He'll think I'm gay.

What?

Why?

- Well, I don't know.

- So go.

- But I'm not gay.

- Why do you even care?

I completely care.

Are you gonna ask a girl

out today?

- Hmm?

- Mm, no.

No? Then be

a little gay for me.

You be a little gay.

Guess you're

our new neighbours.

Yeah. I'm

your next door Nathan.

Sorry?

I mean, I'm your

next door neighbour, Nathan.

Helen.

Okay.

Well?

I forgot. Sorry. It's... I...

What?

- Hi.

- Hey.

Um, my brother was supposed

to come over here

and ask if Sean wanted

a ride to school.

What happened?

Well, I think he was dropped

on his head as a child.

My brother, not your son.

- Well, that would be great.

- Yeah.

The ride, not the head drop.

You rang?

Sorry. I thought

that was Sean's room.

It is.

Well, uh, tell him

he's got a ride waiting.

All right.

So I heard

you were a scientist.

Yeah, I am, actually.

I'm in a bit

of a holding pattern.

But are you interested

in science or math?

Yeah. A little bit, so...

Ready?

- Yeah.

- See ya.

See ya.

- Wendy.

- We need your help.

Billie's acting

as the big, bad wolf again.

Ooh!

Dorito?

Is there a problem, ladies?

Women.

We wanna be referred to

as women.

Women.

Yes, "Women,"

I think it's time to go.

We're leaving?

Yeah. We have a senior meeting

and some other... things...

- Okay.

- To do.

I'll go to a "Thing."

No, I said

some other things.

- That, too.

- Hey. Psst!

Don't be an instigator.

Well, I was

just tryin' to make sure

our little housewife

is bein' a good girl.

- What do I always tell you?

- Because they named her Ryan...

After a soap opera.

Don't name kids

after soap operas.

Mm! How many times do we

have to tell you people?

Hope you weren't counting

on a basketball scholarship.

You know, it's impossible to be

with me. You know that, right?

You wanna be with me,

don't you?

Well, I wanna kiss you.

I mean, pretty much every time

I see you, I wanna kiss you.

You know Ryan? She used

to be one of my best friends,

and now we don't

even talk anymore.

- And Aaron?

- Aaron.

I've seen him naked

a bunch of times, you know.

He's like my ex-boyfriend.

You have ex-girlfriends, right?

It's like the same thing.

Oh, I don't know

if that's the same.

- I know you don't.

- It doesn't make any sense.

What? Why I'm

so naturally athletic?

You never even asked me

if it's true.

Well, is it?

It's like a Greek tragedy

waiting to happen.

I don't live in that world.

Oh, yeah?

And what world is that?

The world of boyfriends,

of... of... of holding hands,

of first dates?

No, you jackass.

Of disposable girlfriends

and bracelets for blowj*bs

and making out and macking

and hooking up and going down

and text-messaging some guy

that's gonna come

all over my shirt.

That world.

Well, you don't know

what you're missing.

Really?

I can take a guess.

Okay, so what

about the other world?

The world where there's

just one girl and one guy,

and, you know, we just go out

with each other, nobody else?

- What about that world?

- Hmm.

You mean fairy tale land?

I've heard of that place.

Well, what if it was real?

You gonna rescue me, huh?

Just you and me

against the world?

- If you want me to.

- Mm.

Hmm?

Did you just sigh?

Um... ahem. No, it was...

Did I hear

a little sigh right now?

No, there was no sigh.

It was just, I... I made a noise.

Kind of sounded like a girl

in a romance novel.

Christ.

Well, I don't know

what to say.

I just made a noise.

It was...

- Mmm.

- Mmm.

Ohhh... Ahhhhh!

- Mmmmm!

- Yes!

Oh!

Did you hear that?

We did that.

Hey...

Leave them, okay?

You just be with me.

- Maybe.

- Yeah.

Maybe what?

- Maybe...

- Maybe what?

Maybe...

- Price?

- Oh, thank God.

What?

- You're gonna laugh.

- No, I'm not.

- Your hair.

- Yeah.

I brought these pictures

into this guy.

He was really cool. He had

tattoos on his fingers, and...

- Wow. I just, uh...

- You don't like it?

I think it's cool.

What? You know...

I mean, you think

people will notice?

Yeah. Yeah.

- Be worse if they didn't.

- Would it?

I heard you thought

I got, uh, hotter.

Mmm, I think I said cuter.

Oh.

Is there a difference?

No, you did.

Lost a little bit of weight,

you've been workin' out.

I got a nose job.

What?

Yeah. And I do

crunches every day.

A hundred, sometimes 500.

I don't understand.

A nose job?

Yeah.

I wanna look good

for you guys.

I mean, it's worth it to me

to have all of you, each of you.

And... l'd get

and do a thousand more

sit-ups for you.

I mean, wouldn't you?

For all of us?

Hey.

Okay.

You wanna walk

over to Robert's with me?

Yeah?

Okay.

Um... I can't.

Sorry.

Hi.

Beer?

Really? Beer?

I don't know.

I really...

I really tried. I just wasn't

like, um... wasn't...

Listen, don't

ever fake it, right?

Right.

Because faking it

is for dumbass girls

who hook up

with the first guy

in baggy jeans and

some earth-f***ing SUV.

And we are not those girls.

You are not that girl.

Really?

Then what kind of girl am I?

A very bad girl.

Seriously.

"And when she was good,

she was very good.

"But when she was bad...

"she was horrid."

Oh! Oh, sh*t.

Hi.

Are you okay?

Um...

I don't know

what I'm doing here.

I can't promise

I'm not gonna jump you

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes