Not Another Not Another Movie Page #3

Any further ado,

I'll be taking my leave,

And introducing you

To my little brother

Lester. Hang ten.

Run a tighter ship.

(all murmuring)

(snorting inhalation)

I'd like to thank

My big brother

For giving me

This opportunity.

Thanks, bro.

I do understand

That you're havin' a problem.

So he sent me here

To take care of business.

Apparently, there's been

Some problems with, uh...

Your films.

I need to understand

What's goin' on around here.

He seems nice.

Totally.

I guess one thing

He didn't tell you

Was that i just

Got let out of prison.

I was in prison

For killing some people.

I slaughtered

A whole family.

He probably told you that

You could scratch my tummy.

He mentioned it.

But that ain't gonna happen.

Because all these pictures

That you make,

And they just keep tankin',

And that's really

Burnin' my ass.

I'm here to find out

What you're gonna do about it.

Boom, i got one! Okay?

Buddy flick. Road trip, right?

Everybody likes road trips.

All of a sudden,

We're gonna have campfires.

There's water skis,

There's b*obs,

And then a hurricane comes,

Spins everybody around.

Everybody's, like,

We're gonna die.

I haven't paid back

My student loans.

Slam, right into

The middle of the desert.

Only thing to eat,

Low-fat yogurt.

Let's see it.

We didn't get

A chance to make it.

But we made something

Much better. I'm sure

You're gonna like it a lot.

Yeah.

It's much better

Than his...

Let me see how you look

With this hat on.

I think you look

Kinda cute there.

Wanna try on my glasses?

No.

I want my hat back.

You can have it.

It's all yours.

i can't believe

You ever dated him.

He's such a pig.

aren't all men?

They're such pigs.

i know.

That one has green hair.

No one has green hair.

come on, cheryl.

Say something.

i'm on my period.

I'm grouchy.

I don't wanna talk.

Why the f*** did you

Let them do that to you?

I was ganged up on

By a group of girls.

Why?

You didn't get

To see the whole thing.

And you need

Some new shoes, my dear.

He didn't get to see it all.

I know we were gonna do

That stupid road trip thing,

But i mean, he was late,

(toilet flushes)

So i took matters

Into my own hands.

It's what anyone would do.

I don't know

What his problem is.

Sh*t, wes,

Light a match! Oh!

Five minutes.

I've heard enough.

I was five minutes late,

She's going on... Wah, wah, wah.

Let's get honest here.

I'm trying to work on

Some concepts.

air bud meets days of thunder.

That's real stuff.

Dress me up as some dude-chick

Hybrid in your terrible movie...

God. Still hit that though.

I'd like to hear

From somebody else.

(speaking spanish)

They don't speak english.

I realize that.

We keep trying

To fire 'em,

But they keep

Showin' up anyway.

(speaking spanish)

Let's see it.

(narrator speaking spanish)

por que, jesus, por que?

(spanish narration

Continues)

you're fired.

Gracias, seor.

while they were making

Titanic 2,

Myself and brian

Wrote a screenplay,

And we put together

A nice little script,

And we got tom hanks

Attached.

Tom hanks?

It's the biggest name

Sunshine has ever...

Tom hanks?

Yeah.

It's about the life

Of albert einstein.

We got exclusive rights

To the story.

It's about his life, and it

Delves into his personal past,

And his struggles

Trying to come up with

The theory of relativity.

You mean the mc-squared thing?

Right. Exactly.

But what about his hair?

I can make my hair

Like albert einstein. Look.

I'm albert einstein.

Sunshine studio...

I know the theory

Of relativity.

It's official, man.

Our boss is insane.

I think we should

Take our script to sony.

Let me give you

Something, sir.

I think you're really

Gonna like this.

What's the most popular

Film genre?

It's gotta be

Martial arts, right?

And what's the most popular

Martial arts movie of all time?

man:
kill bill.

yes, kill bill is definitely...

Right behind that is ninja.

and after that,

The third most popular

Is the prequel kid ninja.

I'm gonna give you guys

Something that's never

Been done before.

The prequel to the prequel.

Let's see it.

where are the diamonds?

In my diaper.

well, give them back.

You'll have to

Fight me for them.

(sounds of fighting)

counter punch.

You know that you can

See their hands.

Not exactly,

But close.

Thanks, steve.

(stammering)

Babies can't stand

On their own.

That's the stupidest thing

I've ever seen in my life.

It was steve's idea.

You gonna blame it on him now?

If you just play

The rest of it,

You'll see...

uh, baby's crying.

(groaning)

How come people

Don't like my ideas?

the reviewer said

Titanic 2:
the ghost story

Didn't make sense.

It's a love story

On a haunted luxury liner

That's hijacked

By the mafia

In the middle of

An iraqi war zone.

What part of that

Does not make sense?

Here's what i'm

Gonna do now, okay?

Whoo!

Improv.

Oh, okay.

I need somebody

To write a script.

Anyone.

Anyone in here.

I don't care if

You're the f***ing janitor.

If you don't bring it to me...

I'm going to start

Firing this weapon.

I'm out!

(all clamoring)

He just said anyone.

I'm an anyone.

Ding dong.

Idea at the door.

A fat guy

Wanders into a zoo,

Loses his friggin' wallet,

Doesn't know where it is.

A gorilla picks it up

Who has an innate ability

To count.

What's this?

A second climax?

All of a sudden,

He realizes animals

Have feelings, too.

I'm taking speech classes

At a community college.

I'm trying to further

Myself right now.

I got 64 credit hours

Under my belt.

But i'm an idea hamster.

I never stop

Generating ideas.

If you're gonna be a bear,

Be a grizzly.

Right now, i'm workin' on

My "hot words."

That's including but not

Limited to boom, bam,

What up, listen up,

Here comes the mother ship,

Shotgun blast, you know.

They're attention grabbers.

People are responding,

They build confidence,

They build energy.

Doesn't even matter

What you're sayin'.

Ooh, hop on the pain train

On this one.

Check this out.

Idea at the door. Ding dong.

(makes buzzing sound)

(making pinging sounds)

One ping, and one ping only.

Periscope up.

We found the friggin' idea.

I hate the sound

Of his voice.

Reminds me of the sound

Your body makes

When you try to

Hold in a fart.

Hello. Hello.

Hey, sleepyhead,

You ignoring me?

This is an $85 shirt.

Let's not forget

What tupac told us.

Tryin' to make a dollar

Out of 15 cents here.

Boom, boom.

That was loaded.

Put that away.

I'm pretty sure

She's into my ideas.

Like, she knows

A good man when she sees one.

Right now, i know that i'm

Gettin' those looks from her.

I'm gettin' those,

"hey, what's up on

A late-night mistake" look.

And that's the way she operates.

I know how she is.

She said "what up?" earlier

Over at the potato salad

In the break room.

I catch her lookin'

All the doggone time.

Remember to smile, randy.

Oh, hey, wendy.

You ready for

Poetry club?

I have this neighbor,

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