Not Another Not Another Movie Page #5

Let me just be the first

To say we're really

Glad to have you here.

You have some

Pretty big shoes to fill.

Shut up, fat face. And you.

You ever laugh at my name again,

I'll put my arm

Down your throat,

Grab hold of your balls,

Pull 'em out

And kick you

In the nuts.

All right, son?

You might have noticed

I've got a bit of a complex

About my name.

Now...

Now that we all know

Who's got the biggest

Set of bollocks around here,

Let's get

Down to business.

I'm here to make sure

You hit your deadlines.

You have a couple of days.

So far, you're filling

Those shoes nicely.

Shut it.

So i'm here

To give you some inspiration.

In fact,

I'm gonna tell you

A story.

Once upon a time,

In the east end of london,

There was a little lad.

He used to go to the movies

Every sunday with his auntie.

His name was nancy.

nancy's favorite movie

Was a movie called snatch,

Because it had this big,

Fierce guy in there.

His name was

Bullet-tooth tony.

Now bullet-tooth tony...

(unsnaps locks)

Had a gun, and it was

A desert eagle .50.

A bit similar to this one.

(all exclaiming)

Now... If you lot

Don't write this script,

I'm gonna end up shootin'

At least six of ya.

So let's get it done,

Shall we?

now!!

No me mate, por favor.

I'm just reading

The u.S. Mandated set of rules

For all businesses.

I don't know exactly

If it specifically says

It's illegal to bring

A gun to work

And threaten your employees,

But i'm pretty positive

It says it here somewhere.

I know you can't

Bring two guns,

Or have two people

Bring a gun at the same time.

(imitating nancy's accent)

'ello there.

I'm bullet-tooth... Ah!

(screaming)

Yep. Right here. Right here.

No, that's not it.

I think

It's a great idea.

Really? You're not

Just saying that?

No. I think

He'll love your script.

I think people will

Really connect with it.

I've never read it.

Here's what happened.

The script is really long,

So i took a week

Off of work to read it.

I was at my apartment

Out on the balcony,

It was really windy,

And the pages started

Blowin' everywhere.

All over the place.

And when i say everywhere,

I mean everywhere.

They were all over

My neighborhood.

It's over 600 pages.

And here's the thing.

He didn't number them.

You have to number

Your pages always.

So i didn't

Get to read it.

Let me ask you

A question about

My script that you read.

The father scene

Where my father was

Abusive to the character,

Do you think the color

I picked for the tricycle

Matches the emotional

Tone of the scene?

Um, i...

What color was it?

What was it?

I can't quite remember.

I'm forgetting.

Green?

No, green was my big wheel.

Red?

No, it wouldn't be red.

So aren't you

A little worried about

The length of your script?

No. Why, do you think

It's too short?

He said it should be,

Like, 90 pages.

So you should probably

Hurry up if you want

To finish it, right?

Yeah, i better get goin'.

I've only got four hours left.

It's not due till

Tomorrow morning.

But my bedtime's 10:00.

Where are you going?

Randy, i drove you today.

No running in the halls.

Hi, randy.

Oh, hey, gotta go.

Lot of work to do.

Okay? Love you though.

(crashing)

I'm sorry. I actually

Didn't mean that

Last part, okay?

Have a good day.

You didn't?

Huh? No. Gotta go!

Oh, no.

Oh, god.

Oh, god.

Oh, no!

Hi, randy.

Oh, hey. How are ya?

Good, and you?

Fine. Totally fine.

Well, back to work.

Oh, no.

What happened?

Fifteen. Eight.

Ninety-seven.

Eight. Okay.

And... 90.

Done.

So i'm stealing that little

Prick's tricycle script.

I can't lose my job.

How am i gonna do it?

Easy. Rule #1:

What?

Sh*t!

Something about smoke alarms.

I don't know. I always forget.

(loud beeping)

Rule #5:
always have

A paper clip and chewing gum.

Wait, i don't think that's...

(quiet vibrating)

Today is the day

I get to pitch my script.

This could be the beginning

Of my new life.

Apparently, i peed

My pants last night,

And i think there might have

Been a fire in my apartment.

(loud slurping)

Well, guys...

You must admit,

All your ideas are crap.

So, matt and brian

Apparently have a script

With a big name attached,

So, matt, brian.

I can't work there anymore.

That is not a studio, okay?

It's a joke. I've never

Heard of one of their movies.

Tom hanks.

We had tom hanks.

Tom hanks on

A letter

Of intent.

Go away. Get out.

Come on, man, let's go.

(tires screeching)

Fantastic, randy.

Thanks for joining us.

I don't suppose

There's any chance of you

Comin' out with a screenplay

Or anything?

I think you're all

Gonna really like it.

Love it, really.

I've been working on it

My whole life.

It couldn't be crappier

Than wes' idea about a tricycle.

(all laughing)

Yeah, it was stupid.

What?

Am i not

Speakin' english?

Wes here wanted

To do a movie

About...

Some abused kid

On a tricycle.

Same old tired crap.

Abuse happens every day.

Just suck it up. Whatever.

I can't believe it.

I was going to pitch

A very similar idea

About a tricycle

And an abused kid.

So what's your idea?

My idea. You probably

Want my idea.

Oh, jesus christ.

Jesus christ.

I would like to thank you all

For joining me

For my last supper.

Now, first things first.

Must we all be on

The same side of the table?

I don't understand.

There's no chairs.

(all murmuring)

Perhaps a few of you

Could move to the other

Side of the table.

That way, we could

See each other.

Forget it.

I'm afraid i have

Some troubling news.

One of you

At this very table

Is going to betray me.

Now, i won't say who.

I don't think

That's the right thing to do.

(forced choking voice)

Judas!

But i will... I will say that

It's none of you six men.

Nor is it you.

Or you.

No. Or you.

It is not you.

Or judas.

Ben!

Randy?

(whistling)

Hey, ben, wake up.

Ben, this is

Your big chance.

Ben.

Randy.

Ben. Hey, ben!

(slow-motion

Distorted voices)

(distorted)

What's your bloody idea?

This is

Your big chance.

Spoof movie.

Spoof movie?

Oh, no. I hate

Spoof movies.

'cause that's brilliant.

I said it, i did.

I love them.

It's a good idea.

Can you expand on it

For us?

There's no plot.

Script?

No script.

Good.

A spoof improv movie.

Yeah, that's what

I was goin' for.

Improv spoof movie.

Yeah.

Title?

Not another, um...

Not another... Movie.

I like it.

What do you think, guys?

Do we agree?

I like it?

We're gonna have

So much fun on this.

We all agree?

We're all focused

On the same direction.

Now i don't

Have to kill ya.

(uproarious laughter)

Long day.

(laughter continues)

I'm frustrated.

Spoof movies!

(groans)

All the time, every minute,

I fall asleep, you know,

And i dream

Of these spoof movies,

And i hate it.

I wanna be...

(pounding)

Sorry. When i think of

A spoof movie,

I just... (pounds)...

I kinda get upset.

but i wanna dream of art movies,

You know, like the piano.

or pi.

Those are art.

Not spoofs.

Not at all.

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