Not Another Not Another Movie Page #6

Randy.

What?

Okay, go and write it, dude.

Write your spoof movie, man.

Yeah, sure.

Congratulations.

Let's do a spoof movie.

I got a lot of

Brainstorming to do

On the spoof movies.

I love spoof movies.

Do i think they'll do it?

It's possible.

Do i think i could

Kill one of them

And get away with it?

It's possible.

It's possible.

So stupid! So stupid!

Spoof movie!

(yelling)

(continues yelling)

(cat meows)

Oh, sorry, kitty.

Daddy's...

Wait a second.

I don't have a cat.

This isn't my apartment.

Woman:
hello?

So...

Why are you so sad?

Wendy, i did

Something horrible.

I did something i said

I would never do my whole life

I sold my soul.

I'm making a spoof movie.

You can never talk to me

Again if you don't want to.

First of all,

I like spoof movies.

No, you don't.

You're always talking

In our poetry club

How you hate 'em

And they're stupid...

No, i don't.

Everybody else does that.

And besides, who cares

What everybody else thinks?

This is your big chance

To make a movie.

You should be happy.

You, right now, are like

A proverb to my soul.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna make that

Piece of crap spoof movie,

And it's gonna be

The best piece of crap

That anybody has ever made.

Can you make me

One pinky promise?

You've got

Both of 'em.

Can you just not make

A drama about a tricycle?

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no.

(stammering)

I'm kidding, randy.

I read your script,

Remember, about your abuse.

Yeah. That actually

Wasn't about me, remember?

That was about my cousin.

The character, my cousin.

Then why did you

Call him randy

And have the same

Parents' names as yours?

And how he also

Had a brother named joshua?

You're right. Making

A spoof movie's

A great opportunity.

So it's the big day. Oh!

It's the start of

Pre-production,

And i have got

A lot of pressure on me.

You know,

Because i'm in charge.

But it's okay,

Because everyone says

I work best under pressure.

(all clamoring)

Speak english!

Speak english!

(all yelling)

Where's randy?

I think he quit,

So i'll just take over.

Sorry i'm late.

Hey, where you been?

You'll never believe

What happened, guys.

I woke up and all

My wheels were flat.

Apparently i ran over

A bunch of knives last night.

Everybody's wondering

What their job's gonna be

On the shoot.

Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, great.

I can tell you this.

Wes and steve, you're gonna

Be production assistants.

Just ask ernie.

It's a great job.

No! Are you kidding me?

Production assistant.

I am the head writer

Of this studio.

You know what? Fine.

If randy wants to have

A little war,

That's what randy's gonna get.

He's gonna get a war.

Okay, bart, you're gonna

Be doing casting.

Oh, ernie, i was

Thinking you could be

The executive producer.

Don't you think lester

Might murder ernie

If he finds out

He's executive producer?

I don't wanna be

Executive producer.

Ernie, you can do it.

Trust me, man. Trust me.

Randy, i don't want it!

Calm down.

You can be

The boom operator.

Let's see.

Is that everybody?

What about me?

Oh, well, i just assumed

You would've known

You were makeup.

Okay here.

I think that's good.

Because i'm a woman.

I don't even wear makeup.

I don't know

Anything about it.

I have six brothers.

I learned to pee standing up.

Okay, was that everybody?

I know i gave you a job.

randy, y nosotros?

(speaks spanish)

I thought the new boss

Was supposed to fire

Alejandro and guzman.

I thought he did.

I thought you told me

You were gonna

Say something.

I told 'em

They were fired.

But when i was in the meeting,

I came in, i didn't

Expect to see them.

It was so awkward.

I told 'em.

I don't think

They understand.

It's probably 'cause

They don't speak english.

Maybe you should try

To say something again.

You're probably right.

I feel so bad.

I know. They're

Such great guys.

Just don't tell 'em

I said anything, okay?

Okay.

(exhales)

All right, guys.

Bad news again.

You're fired.

gracias.

gracias.

adios.

I heard a voice in the...

I'm sorry.

It's the...

You know, square...

Cold thing.

Bottom line, boom.

I was born to do casting.

Okay? My brain farts

Are box office gold.

See, here's what it says.

"refrig..."

Just say it so i know

You can say the word.

Refrigerator.

That's really good.

Now just use it!

Acting is reacting. You're doing

None of these things.

Ernie! Thanks for

Bringing your sister in.

Hey, i'm an actor,

So i get it.

I get it.

I get what it takes.

Do you...

(stammering)

Thank you for coming.

Thank you for coming to

Our facility. Thank you.

Never... Ever...

Feed them...

Before midnight.

I mean, after.

No! Everything you're

Doing is poop.

run, forrest.

I corre!

No!

forrest, corre!

Corre, forrest.

corre! Corre!

No, no.

(shrieking)

I'm in a play right now

On broadway.

Not the new york broadway.

Broadway street

Over in glendale.

There's a theater, nice stage,

Plenty of parking, 99-seat.

Got ourselves

A nice little run.

There's even a concession

Stand in the back.

Boom! Friend request.

Denied.

Don't cross the streams.

Thank you.

What? What?

Say it. What?

Took me a long time

To hang those up.

Ernie, just leave it.

Sorry, i...

Just leave it.

That's my sister.

The bottom line is,

I get it.

Okay, uh... Ooh,

Funniest comedian

Of all time.

Steve... Steven seagal.

What about nipsey russell?

no, ernie. It's

The little kid

From jerry maguire.

(knocking on door)

Wait a minute.

This used to be

The bathroom.

We're just doing

A little editing here.

Choppin' it up,

Makin' dreams come true.

What brings you back?

I'm just checkin' up

On my brother, see how

He's runnin' the show.

Who's your brother?

Because all visitors

Are supposed to check in

With lewis in the lobby,

And he's a stickler.

His name is lester,

Lester storm.

Don't recall.

He's your boss.

I thought

I was the boss.

I'm taking over for you.

Randy, randy, randy,

He owns the studio.

You are the director,

Which means you are

Not in charge.

Hold it, hold it.

You're the director?

Yes, sir.

You're the p.A.

I remember you.

You're that p.A.

You're ken or whatever it is.

It's randy, actually.

I just remember,

Though, you were a p.A.

That was a long

Time ago, sir.

That was three days ago.

I know. It's been,

Like, 72 hours.

He's makin'

A spoof movie.

No, ernie!

It's really, really funny.

Uh-huh.

Spoof movies.

I hate them. Hate them.

I don't care

What you call 'em.

It's just cheap, cheap parody.

It can even be expensive.

they tried to do

Gone with the breeze.

They couldn't even

Get the fires going.

It was like a breeze.

Just a breeze.

Huh? I don't get it.

I don't get it.

I don't get spoof movies.

I don't see any art

In spoofing something

That was art.

(stammering)

Well, wait.

No, don't like 'em.

Don't like spoof movies.

We're making one?

You know where

The men's room is?

It's right

Out that door.

Coming through.

Coming in. Hey.

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