Not for Human Consumption Page #5

buddy? This is...

So, I'll leave you with these

and I'll be back in, what

should I give it, 2 days?

Before you sell out? I'm telling

you, put them in this counter

I want 'em right here so

everybody can see 'em.

RAJ:

If I don't sell 'em, you

take 'em back, understand?

JAY:

I will take 'em back

if you...All right?

RAJ:

All right.

synth music plays over montage

JAY:

So Raj, let's not forget when

you're selling this stuff

you wanna say things like "it's

similar to the green," or

"some aromas are stronger

than others..." Okay?

So that's selling fast huh?

RAJ:

Selling fast? Ha! It's a

marketer's dream,

I'm telling you. You got

a great product on your hands.

Ya know, you under-promise

and it over-delivers. Uh...

Speaking of this, you got a

great label. This is a very

good label. Everybody loves

it. This is fantastic.

JAY:

All right guys, here it is.

We're selling herbal incense.

It gets you high

if you smoke it.

But don't call it pot.

Or fake pot.

This is incense. It's legal. And

it needs to stay incense for

it to stay legal. All right?

Now...

Our competition is Spice - a

European company - and K2 - a

company in the Midwest - but

our product is stronger and

and a it's third cheaper.

Our distribution partners

understand that and want to

sell our product.

We're already in a

dozen convenience stores,

coffee shops, and head

shops in South Florida,

and our goal is to

expand nationally.

RAYMOND:

Four employees and

you want to go national.

Why don't we just set out to

conquer South Florida for now?

JAY:

No, no. National.

National is the goal.

Let's get to work.

DARYL:

Let's do it.

RAYMOND:

Are you sure about those two?

I mean, they are addicts after

all, even if the one guy is good

at chemistry. Who knows if

they're reliable? It's just not

exacty good business sense.

JAY:

All right first off Ray,

I'm an addict. I mean

these guys have wasted

a lot of years. So did I.

They deserve a second chance. I

mean, you and your Dad

didn't turn me away. You put me

back on my feet. Same goes

for these guys. All right?

I gotta pay it forward.

All right?

RAYMOND:

Okay.

JAY:

Hey, April, how's it going?

APRIL:

Hey! Good.

JAY:

I was just, I was

running some errands.

APRIL:

How's the hookah bar?

JAY:

It's good. Business

is good. It's steady.

APRIL:

I've been in a few times,

I haven't seen you around.

JAY:

Well I mostly come in the

mornings, doing like

Book keeping, inventory,

stuff like that...

Do you want to maybe grab

a cup of coffee with me?

APRIL:

Oh, uhm... haha.

JAY:

Oh... did you...

mind if I grab a cup?

APRIL:

No, sure! Let's go!

JAY:

I was... I was a little...

unfocussed in high school.

APRIL:

You were a fuckup.

JAY:

Thank you.

That's very well-put.

Can't believe I didn't

try to ask you out.

APRIL:

Well I mean I didn't look

like this in high school.

Plus I was kind

of a bookworm.

Pretty sure you were

more into the party girls.

JAY:

What do you do now?

APRIL:

I'm a drug counselor.

JAY:

Oh Jesus. So you can probably

read me like a book.

APRIL:

Every addict has a story.

JAY:

That's what they

say in the program.

APRIL:

For you working at the hookah

bar is more than a job.

It's a safety zone.

JAY:

You're good.

What did you read about me?

APRIL:

That you shot a drug dealer

and that you went to prison.

JAY:

Three years.

APRIL:

You seem good.

JAY:

Ya know one of the first

things I did when I got out

was I started taking the bus.

Because I found that I actually

needed to be around people.

Which you wouldn't think would

be the case after having been

locked up for like three years

with a bunch of animals but...

Just sitting next to a stranger

and being polite, saying hello

holding the door for people,

helping someone with a stroller,

I had taken for granted the

simple act of common courtesy

I... I don't know. I'm babbling.

I tend to talk too much.

It's pretty enlightening stuff

though, huh?

APRIL:

No, it's fascinating.

JAY:

No it's not.

APRIL:

Yes, really, it is.

What else?

JAY:

What else do I appreciate

about being on the outside?

APRIL:

Yeah.

JAY:

Clothes. No seriously, clothes.

I learned that I will never wear

the same outfit

two days in a row.

--Not after wearing a uniform

for three years straight.

I mean, not that I'm Mr.

Fashion Boy or anything.

APRIL:

Oh come one, you're a

regular Yves St. Laurent.

Laughter.

APRIL:

Now what?

JAY:

Water okay?

APRIL:

Sure.

Woah. Organized!

I like your place.

JAY:

No, you don't. I mean you

couldn't. It's a shoebox.

APRIL:

It's simple. And clean.

JAY:

I'll take clean as a compliment.

Are you sure?

APRIL:

I don't have time to waste.

laughter

RAYMOND:

Let's hear a round of applause.

Our boy finally got some

booty last night. Yeah Jay!

Woohoo!

To the boss finally

getting some p*ssy!

JAY'S MOTHER:

Ahem!

JAY:

Hi Mom.

JAY'S MOTHER:

We need to talk.

I know what you're doing.

JAY:

You do?

JAY'S MOTHER:

I overheard your buddies

bragging about how much

money they're making

selling weed.

JAY:

It's fake weed. And

it's completely legal.

I should have told you about it.

I'll shut this down immediately.

JAY'S MOTHER:

Why didn't you include me?

JAY:

What?

JAY'S MOTHER:

You don't think I can

contribute?

JAY:

No, I just didn't think

you'd understand...

JAY'S MOTHER:

I want in. That's my

garage. I want in.

JAY:

You want in?

JAY'S MOTHER:

Mm hmm.

JAY:

She wants in, she's in.

DARYL:

Fine by me.

JAY:

To $200,000 in sales.

Everyone cheers, glasses clink.

RAYMOND:

Mm hmm. Not a bad first month!

JAY:

What's our inventory

looking like?

I think we should look

for a bigger space.

PAUL:

Does this mean we still have

to bring your mom with us?

JAY:

Dude, she bags faster

than any of you schlubs.

laughter

PAUL:

Eh, maybe she does.

RAYMOND:

Hey pass that.

PAUL:

Hey we should look at a robot.

laughter

JAY:

What's up bro, come on back.

MARTY:

I just wanted to say

thanks for hooking us up.

JAY:

Hey, it's no problem.

MARTY:

I thought you quit the bar.

JAY:

Naw, naw, still here.

Keeps me out of trouble.

I started up a new

business though.

MARTY:

Oh yeah? What are you doing?

JAY:

Making incense.

MARTY:

Incense?

JAY:

We make $200K last month.

MARTY:

Damn! That's some real money.

JAY:

We did it all with

one salesperson.

Listen, I got a lot of

inventory lined up, I mean...

I could use another guy.

MARTY:

I got a job, man.

JAY:

Yeah, at the restaurant making

$500 a week? I can triple that.

Plus commissions.

MARTY:

That's awfully generous

of you. Let me think it over.

JAY:

Ha! What's to think about?

You and me would handle all

the sales. We'd divide

and conquer.

MARTY:

I really appreciate it man,

but...you know, we're not...

We're not even really

friends anymore ya know?

I mean you're always

hanging out with Raymond

and you're AA buddies... We

don't have anything in common.

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