Not Suitable for Children Page #3

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Yeah. Nah.

What about Becky Kincaid?

Can I just confirm

you're a definite no?

OK, I have emailed you

the party contact list.

I reckon, you call A to K, warn them.

I will call L to Z.

Gus, no girl in their right mind is...

No. I don't think you know

what he is capable of.

No-one is seriously

gonna consider this.

I don't think you know women at all.

lam a woman!

Hey, Jonah. What's going on?

Start calling.

Oh, the change I've already made in

this last week has been like, massive.

So if I continue on this rate of change,

for the next nine months

when the baby would be born, I'm

gonna be a completely different person.

I don't even know

who that person would be.

But I feel very strongly that

he would be a f***ing good dad.

You can leave the tray, thanks, Mum.

Thanks, Mrs B.

I just wanna kick off by saying

there are lots of sides to me.

And I know the party side gets a lot of

play, because I have them.

Jonah, I know why you're here.

We know. We all know.

And we just wanna say...

we're here for you.

How do you know?

Yeah, it is a little sad, but, you know, we'

re looking on the up and up.

Mm-hm. He might not even mention

babies at all. He might just initiate sex

And if you do end up

having sex with him...

Look, I know, I know. But just if you do

I wouldn't trust any of his contraception.

I don't know. Pin-pricks. Anything.

OK, thank you for that.

Who did you call?

I honestly believe

if the situation was reversed,

you would do the same for me, mate -

you would intervene!

We've got serious traction

with these parties, Jonah.

We can kick on with this -

being paid to party,

living hardcore for the rest of our lives

like the Rolling Stones or something!

The Rolling Stones

have all got kids, Gus.

Bullshit!

They have.

They've got like seven kids. Each.

Check Wikipedia.

I'm sure they don't see them, but.

Gus, I know you think you're helping.

But for the next couple of weeks,

stay out of my way, man.

If this changes your professional life,

I expect a thank you in a major way.

OK, just a light beer.

Just a light one? OK.

Not entirely sure which one's the light

and which one's the full strength, but...

Ah, so, got a bit of a rundown on you.

A rundown?

Mmm.

Drinks vodka.

Lives in a share house.

Is very reluctant to lend out

her DVD box sets.

Um, and you had

a pretty epic break-up.

Ah, yeah. Gosh, that was years ago.

Right, so...well epic.

Oh, there was a joint web business,

and a mortgage.

-Hey.

-Hey.

Ah, I checked the internet last night,

all over the internet.

And I can't adopt.

Jonah, this is...

I looked at adoption support sites,

government sites.

And you can only adopt if you've got

a clean medical history.

I got cancer on my history,

so I'll never get to adopt.

So,anyway

Do you need to...go?

No. No, no, no, no. It's fine.

Uh, he's just sitting out there

on the pavement.

It's girls in their 20$, Jonah

That's where you're going wrong.

They don't want kids.

Not these days.

If you're actually serious about this,

you should be going for an arrangement

with an older single woman.

A lesbian couple.

What?

What? If you're serious.

But I don't know

any women like that, Stevie.

They're everywhere!

There's about four at my work.

Well, I don't want...

I don't want a kid with some strange

'arrangement' woman from your work.

You don't want it

that much then, do you?

So...

..these lesbians you work with.

I only work with one. Alison.

I don't know her partner.

Are they cool?

I cannot believe you are facilitating this!

You said yourself, it was just shock,

reacting to testicle loss or something.

I know! I know it's a bad idea,

but what was I meant to do?

You know what he's been like.

What?

I wasn't sure if they were vegetarian,

so should I take out the salami?

Just so you know, I am drafting

an email, telling everyone.

Parties cancelled indefinitely

until further notice.

I think with the three of us acting

this way, we have no other choice.

It's OK. Just send it.

This is just f***ed!

Just think about it before you speak.

Don't launch off...

Stevie.

Don't improvise.

I got this.

Well, we thought about going

the anonymous donor route.

We even put our names on

a registry at one point, didn't we?

But at the end of the day,

we want our kid to have a daddy.

Yeah, we do. A diverse family.

Same, yeah.

Big on daddies over here!

Ah, Jonah, do you have any questions

for Alison and Jennifer?

Um...yeah, yeah.

So...

Who were you thinking

would actually... be mother?

Well,..both of us.

I mean, total sharing of the parenting.

But in terms of the actual...biological?

The...

Oh, we think it's irrelevant

who the biological mother is.

So no thoughts on who'd

actually carry the child?

Well, we did think Jennifer,

because she's a little younger and...

But then we decided, no, because the

clock's ticking more for Alison, so...

OK. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just something I've always imagined.

You know? Getting pregnant.

Carrying a child.

I know. I know. Me too.

And how do you think you might

approach actually being a dad?

Mmm? Oh, yeah, um...

There's a number of things I've been

thinking might be good to do with the kid.

OK, there's this clip on YouTube,

where this guy, this dad,

has taken a photo of his kid, every day,

so it's kind of like a time-lapse thing.

But his isn't real smooth,

'cause his pictures are taken

from different distances.

But I reckon if you had a camera set up

permanently, at a set distance,

that way you're nailing it.

Ah, Jonah, I think Jennifer meant

how you might actually approach...

Television! TV.

My belief is you don't want to...

I was actually meaning more, why...

Why do you want to be a father?

In terms of?

Just why?

Well, basically, I just really...feel it.

The feeling of it.

My whole body is just...

..screaming for it.

OK.

Well...

You know what?

Tomorrow...we're actually babysitting.

Yeah. Yeah.

Tomorrow's the day that I babysit

my niece and nephew.

Oh.

So maybe you guys could just

come around. If you're free.

We'd love to, but we have...

I just think if you saw me with kids,

you would get what I mean.

I have to face Alison at work on Monday.

She the hot one?

Because she was digging it.

I wouldn't be surprised

if she was a bit bi, actually.

Stop talking. Just stop talking.

Try the cheese sticks again.

The cheese stick's on the floor.

Well, jiggle keys.

Take them out of the ignition.

The house keys, Stevie!

Hey!

Come on, Ellie.

Oh! Is that..

Aah! it's Alison!

What? Don't answer it now!

Don't answer it. Please, let me pull over.

Please! Just try a little bit.

Oh! No hitting!

Don't hit people, OK?

They coming?

I don't know any more lesbian couples.

Maybe it's time to let it go.

You realise this'd be it, Jonah?

You'd be giving up your life

for someone who's probably gonna

grow up to resent you anyway.

Then they'd leave.

You'd get a phone call

once a fortnight if you're lucky.

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