Not the Three Stooges XXX Page #3

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like Peezer's brother, Weezer.

If someone wants to adopt me, I'll listen.

But I'm not going anywhere

where they're getting paid to love me.

Cheer up, Murph. There's talk of pizza.

Wait a minute, Monsignor.

There's got to be something we can do.

Yeah, what's it going to take

to save this place?

- A lot of this.

Oh!

Well, that's doable.

How many boogers are we talking about?

Not boogers, dollars, you moron.

Eight hundred and thirty thousand

of them, to be exact.

You can't let them close us down, Mother.

You can't!

This is our home.

Hold on there, skin-tags.

When do you need that money by?

Thirty days.

- Well, consider it done.

That's right.

Thirty days from now we'll have enough

cash to rent ten of these kid factories.

Oh, yeah, how?

- Why, by doing whatever it takes.

- We'll climb mountains.

- We'll forge rivers.

- We'll forge checks.

Come on, let's get packing.

Attention!

About face.

Company, march!

March! March, march, march!

Goodbye, everybody.

Bye, guys. Bye, you take care.

No cheating in cards.

I'll say hi to Santa. Yeah, I will.

I'm concerned.

Those three boys are

going to be eaten alive out there.

We're going to try sushi.

They don't even know anyone

their own age.

All they know is nuns and kids.

She's right, Mother Superior.

You know how long I've waited for this day.

But now that it's here, I don't know.

Well, what choice do we have?

They either leave today or next month.

Like Moses in the desert,

I believe the Lord will guide them

because they're pure of heart.

And dim of wit.

Boys.

Good luck to you.

Here's a little money

to get you through your first few days.

Good luck, guys.

Don't worry, Peez, you can tell Murph

we're going to be back in a flash

with the cash.

Yeah!

All right, children, let's say goodbye.

Goodbye

Goodbye.

This little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

Oh, this little light of mine

I'm gonna let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine

Let it shine

- This little light of mine

- Oh, Lord

- I'm gonna let it shine

I'm gonna let it

This little light of mine

- I'm gonna let it shine, yeah

- I'm gonna let it shine

- This little light of mine

- I'm gonna let...

Shut up!

This ain't a revival, it's an orphanage.

She's right. Time's a-wasting.

Let's saddle up, boys.

Come on, get busy.

- Seatbelt, check.

- Check.

Check.

Bell tone.

- Check.

- Tow rope.

Check.

Hey, bunion-head,

you forgot to tie us off to the handlebars.

I couldn't reach it

so I tied us to the back tire.

Oh, good.

You feather-brained...

I'm warning you!

I think we got a flat tire.

Maybe we should let go.

Do we really have to knock him off?

What?

Why can't you just divorce him?

You know why.

His father made me sign a prenup.

So what? We have each other.

We don't need your husband's money.

Maybe we don't need it. But I want it.

Look, if you're too much of a wuss,

just tell me...

Oh, no, no, no, I told you.

I'm all in.

I want your hubby gone

just as badly as you do.

I'm just new at this, that's all.

Okay. So how are we going to do it?

What is that racket?

$830,000. First taker gets

a three-man working machine.

It's all spelled out

in this here contract, folks.

That's right, no job is too small,

we'll press your pants,

we'll shine your shoes.

We'll raid your fridge and drink your booze.

What's a matter with you?

Quit giving away the fine print.

- Hey, what's the idea?

- Shut up.

Now smarten up, you two,

or have you forgotten

there's a bunch of little kids

counting on us?

And we've only got 27 days left

to raise that dough.

Hey, bub, your trousers are falling down,

let me help you.

Hey, man,

you trying to get yourself capped?

Oh, no thanks, I don't wear hats.

Why would I with a head of hair like this?

You believe this guy?

Crazy, man.

See you later, fellas.

I think we just found

the answer to our prayers.

Boys, we're getting nowhere fast.

Now spread out

and go drum up some business.

All right.

- Go on.

- I'll go when I'm ready.

- Are you ready?

- Sure, I'm ready.

Go on.

Eight hundred and thirty thousand bucks.

We prefer it in hundreds, folks.

Wow, in the wrong hands,

this thing could be dangerous.

Guys, we've been at this for days now

and all I got is a hole in my shoe.

The kid's right.

There must be a better way to

make a living. Come on, think.

No. No.

- Look, he's on to something.

- Spit it out, tiger.

I can't! It's stuck. Jar it loose, Moe.

What about a job

where you could sleep all day,

meet beautiful babes at night

and make millions

for doing absolutely nothing.

Oh, boy! That's genius. So what's the job?

- That is the job.

- Oh, that is...

- And who's going to pay you?

- The boss.

You know, it's just crazy enough to work.

Why, you... And you!

Come on in here.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, look, Moe, I think we got a customer.

Whoa!

Would you look at those getaway sticks.

Spread out.

I'm the foreman here.

What can we do for you?

I'll pay you $830,000 for a job

that won't take you more than 10 minutes.

We'll take it, who do we have to murder?

My husband.

Sorry, lady, you came to the wrong place.

We're working stiffs, not common crooks.

But you don't understand.

You will be doing him a great service.

- Says who?

- Says me.

- Who are you?

- I'm her husband.

Wait a minute, you mean to tell me,

she's planning your funeral

and you're okay with it?

Well, I know it sounds a bit peculiar.

No, no, no, that doesn't sound peculiar.

This sounds peculiar.

Phew. Okay.

My husband is suffering from

an incurable disease

that eventually will kill him.

Unfortunately, it could take a year,

possibly more.

Pain increasing daily

before I lapse into an irreversible coma.

I had that. Only it was just in my feet.

Yeah.

It's called coma-toes.

- Oh, coma-toes, huh?

- Yeah.

Are they awake now?

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

I'm sure you can understand why I prefer

to leave this world on my own terms

rather than spend the rest of my life

a vegetable.

I don't know. It sounds illegal.

Wait a minute, legs,

did you say 830,000 bucks?

I did.

That's a good day's pay.

Hey, wait a minute, fellas.

That's exactly the amount of money

we're looking for.

You're right. This must be fate, time bomb.

You can count us in.

That's swell.

Thank you.

- Now here's what we were thinking.

Yes?

I'd like you to sneak into our bedroom

in the middle of the night

and smother me while I'm sleeping.

Yes, yes.

But do not turn on the lights.

No. No. No.

Wait a minute.

Why don't you want the lights on?

Well, I want it to be a surprise.

Oh, I get it,

you don't want to see it coming, eh?

Bingo.

Hey, look, it's the guy from that thing

all the kids are talking about.

Help, help, help!

That settles that.

- Success.

- Success.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

What did you do? That was not the plan!

What're you yacking about?

He just said he didn't want

to see it coming.

Hey, hey.

You look like you could

use a grief massage.

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