Nothing Like The Holidays Page #7

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- Whoo-hoo. -

Johnny:
Mira.

This is what a real women

looks like with a burka.

Right? You go, lady.

Come on, you go now.

Wrap our soldier boy over there

with some red, white and blue love.

Your friend here says you

got shot up pretty bad.

Oh, yeah yeah yeah.

They shot off his dick.

But then they replaced

it with a bionic one

and he could jack up a

car and change the tire

at the same time.

Really?

I'm just kidding. Excuse me. I'm sorry.

He's still got all his

factory parts, right, Papi?

So you wanna dance?

Roxanna:
Jesse, don't you dare. Jesse.

- I'm... I'm cool.

- Come on, bro.

- Go, man, go.

- Roxanna:
He's cool.

You heard him, he's cool.

Oh no.

That's my song. That's my song, y'all.

- Yo, that's my song.

- Oh no.

Oh, yes. Go get 'em, Mo.

Come on. Come on.

Johnny:
Oh, he likes that.

Come on, Mo. Yeah!

You got moves. You go, boy, yeah!

All:
Go Mo. Go Mo.

- Oh!

- Oh!

Go Mo. Go Mo.

Oh!

- Ay yi yi yi yi...

- Whoo!

God, it feels good to be back.

- Help me, Sarah.

- That was great.

My coccyx. I broke my coccyx.

All I'm asking is if a shot is $5,

- how much for a sip?

- A sip?

Yeah, a sip. Just a half a shot maybe.

Can you please take that thing down?

Why? You the biggest star to

come out of this neighborhood.

Can I buy you a round?

Wow. I can't believe it. You

guys are gonna pay for something?

I'm only cheap when it comes to me.

- How much is her drink?

- $8.

- What if she doesn't drink all of it?

- Never mind.

Could I please have some

change for the jukebox?

Thanks.

Is there something you want to tell me?

No.

- Is there something you want to tell me?

- About?

Ozzy.

Come on, you have to

admit he's really hot.

He's a thug.

No, he hasn't been messed

up in that sh*t for a while.

Yeah, well, we'll see

how long that lasts.

- What does that mean?

- Nothing.

Just seeing Alexis again made

me remember how bad things got.

My agent.

- They called.

- And?

Roger rushed off to his

anger management class

- and didn't say anything.

- Is that it?

You told me to call

you if I heard anything.

Well, you know, maybe they

called about something else.

Or maybe they just didn't

want to ruin my Christmas.

Please. All right look,

girl, I've got to jump.

- I'll hit you later.

- Wait.

Bye.

This ain't Cali, girl. They ain't

gonna arrest you for smoking inside.

I had to use the phone.

- Want to go for a walk?

- No.

I don't want to leave my girl.

- Oh, really?

- Really.

Maybe we should give 'em some space.

Come on, let's go.

- Come on.

- I don't know.

Cabby!

Jesse:
Someplace a little more quiet.

Come on, I just want to talk to you.

Hola, mi amor.

Hey.

- Jesse.

- Hey.

Can I buy you guys a drink?

- I'm cool.

- No.

Ozzy:
So why did it take

you three years to come back?

God, I've just been

crazy busy, you know?

If it's not one thing,

it's something else.

Sh*t, who am I kidding?

I'm sure you've heard everything.

You'll catch a break. You just...

you just got to hang in there.

Caught a break.

What if I'm waiting on

something that never happens?

How much more time should I waste?

A year? Two? 10?

Stuck in the same place while

everybody else's life is moving forward.

So what are you gonna do? Move back?

Yeah, maybe. I don't know.

That wouldn't be the worst thing, right?

I never thought I'd hear

that coming from you.

I'm 29 years old

and I'm sick and tired of

someone else deciding my fate

when I'm just as good if not better

than most of the actresses out there.

- They don't know me.

- You are good.

Like that time that you played that

homeless chick in "One Way Ticket. "

- You saw that?

- Are you kidding?

You killed it. You're like

the Puerto Rican Meryl Streep.

Yeah, right.

Your parents made us watch

the DVD like five times.

- Of course they did.

- Yeah.

Look, don't tell anybody what I said.

All right? I'm all over

the place right now.

I'll think about it.

You'll think about it?

- Don't make me kick your ass.

- You got to catch me.

- Kick my ass.

- Don't make...

- Kick my ass. What?

- I will kick your ass.

Why are you running?

Why are you running?

We didn't use protection.

Nope. You said you

wanted to make a baby.

I was completely loaded.

In vino veritas.

Oh, really? Oh, really?

And I probably told the bartender

he looked like George Clooney.

Mm-hmm. Among other things.

What's the date? What's the date?

What is the date?

It's Christmas Eve, December 24th.

Okay, that public library

event, I had my period.

- What are you doing?

- That's 19 days.

Okay, I'm okay. We're okay.

I think we're okay. I hope we're okay.

Mauricio, how could you take

advantage of me like that?

I didn't take advantage of you.

- You took advantage of me.

- Oh!

You don't want to make a baby anymore?

Oh, well, I just think it's something

that we should be

discussing while I'm sober.

Okay, all right, all

right. You're sober now.

Let's discuss this.

Do you or don't you want

to make a baby with me?

I don't... I don't

want to talk about this.

I feel like sh*t.

Oh my God.

The colors in this room

are inducing a migraine.

Does that mean we're

not gonna try again?

Oh, eat me.

Don't even think about it.

Woman:
Merry Christmas, everyone.

Oh, you got moves.

No bad. Now you spin.

Coquito, ladies?

Ozzy.

Ozzy, gracia, amigo.

Thank you, Edy.

- Uli, Uli. Feliz Navidad.

- Thank you.

Tina.

Hello? Excuse me. I'll be right back.

- Come on, baby.

- No.

- Coquito?

- Oh no.

- You think I don't know?

- Know what?

That every year your father gets

me drunk at the Christmas party

so I don't notice how

light my envelope is.

- Come on. - Huh-uh, not

gonna have any of that stuff

until I see the size

of my Christmas bonus.

All right. Okay.

Not gonna trick me again.

Dad.

The rest of the checks.

- Yeah, I got it.

- All right.

Go. You go.

Go hang out with Johnny or something.

Don't feel like you've

got to stick around here.

Dad, look, I know you're not

happy about me going back.

Of course I'm not.

Jesse, I'm your father. I want you safe.

I want you here.

I'm sorry.

How can I make you understand?

You can't. Just like

I can't make you stay.

There's a point when all a father

can do is just get out of the way.

Thanks, Dad.

I'd better give Tina her check.

Otherwise she's gonna

start the revolution.

Any word?

No, I'm just texting my girl.

What are you telling her?

How much you had last night

in the fine city of Chicago?

No, I'm telling her how

freaking freezing it is here.

Cali had made you all soft, girl.

You move back here, you'll be

wearing hot pants in this weather.

Yeah, well, hopefully

I'll get this show.

Yeah, I hope so.

Hey, I had a really

good time last night.

- Great time last night.

- Me too.

Really good time.

But I just don't want you

to get the wrong impression.

Nah, come on. You're

like a sister to me.

Yeah, that's what I

told Jesse this morning.

That you're like a brother

and it's just weird.

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