Now You Know Page #6

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% % [Disco]

- Hey.

- How you doing?

Good. How are you?

Marty, please, can we go home?

You said you wanted to get

a couple of drinks. Come on.

Can we just get them somewhere else?

You also said you wanted to go somewhere

where we wouldn't see Jeremy.

And I can guarantee you,

we won't see Jeremy here.

Although knowing his friends,

you never know.

What are you looking at?

She's with me!

- Oh, my God.

- Come on. Relax.

I really think you're gonna like it here.

You can just kick back and be yourself...

and have a couple of drinks

and not feel like a piece of meat.

I mean, for the most part,

people are really respectful...

when they see

that you're with someone!

Do you come here a lot?

Well, not a lot, but I've been here

a couple of times, yeah.

Is this where you met the father?

Who do you think I am, Madonna?

[Chuckles]

No, I don't think any of the men here

would be interested in making babies with me.

I just figured given our two situations,

this would be a pretty cool place to hang out.

Besides, you know what? Being a lesbian

is considered very chic nowadays.

When word gets out you were here,

you're gonna be beating men off with a hammer.

Word gets out?

I don't want anybody to know.

What if Jeremy finds out? He's gonna think

that I left him because I'm a lesbian.

Don't worry.

I mean, no offense, Ker...

but Jeremy doesn't exactly hang out

with people high on the social ladder.

Do you think Muffin knows anything

about girls at all?

I guess you have a point.

I just don't want Jeremy thinking...

he somehow turned me off

to men, you know.

Like, "If she can't have me,

she might as well go lesbian," you know.

Okay, stop.

You are not a lesbian!

We are just out for a couple of drinks

and some pleasant conversation.

That's all, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

This kid is doing the jig on my bladder.

I gotta go pee.

Go up to the bar and get us drinks.

I'll have a Shirley Temple with a cherry.

I think I'm gonna come with you

to the ladies room.

Gee, you're really getting

into the swing of this place, aren't you?

Okay, don't touch anything.

So, you think they'll get

back together?

[Sighs]

I don't know, man.

I mean, part of me wants 'em to,

but... part of me doesn't.

What do you mean?

Well...

Listen. I know she's out of my league.

It's just...

she's my dream girl.

I like knowing that she's available.

I don't know.

Maybe someday we'll...

bump into each other

and there'll be a spark...

and I'll get to have her.

On the other hand,

if they did get back together...

they might whip out the old video camera

and start taping some kinky sex.

And then I'd be able to enjoy her

at least through that again.

What are you talkin' about?

Pamela and Tommy Lee.

What are you talkin' about?

Kerri and Jeremy, ass head!

Oh, them.

I don't know. Jesus.

He can't even figure out

why they broke up.

[Scoffs]

Well, that's obvious. She cheated on him.

She did?

How do you know that, Gil?

Well, think about it. These two

have been together since high school.

They went away to college together.

They were living together.

They were probably taking shits

with the bathroom door open.

- [Chuckles]

- That's already married in my book.

You expect me to believe she just

flipped out one day and called it quits

without so much as an explanation?

I think not. When you catch somebody

cheating on somebody...

it's the only time an explanation

is just not necessary.

- Jesus, you're right.

- Mm-hmm.

I'll bet it was a magician.

- Why a magician?

- 'Cause that's all they have in Vegas.

Magicians, pit bosses and those guys

that pass out the dirty fliers.

Now, Jeremy's probably better

than the flier guys and...

Nah, I don't see her with a pit boss.

So it had to have been a magician.

Hmm. And that's why he doesn't

wanna talk about it with us...

because he's embarrassed.

Jesus Christ.! No, the reason I don't

wanna talk about it with you guys...

is because I don't wanna hear

any of your screwy theories.

- What screwy theories?

- How about the one where

Kerri's screwing Siegfried and Roy?

No, man, I don't think it was them.

They might be gay.

- [Chuckles]

- I love the way you guys talk

about me like I'm not even here.

- Feel free to take part in the conversation.

- I don't wanna take part in it.

- Then what are you complaining about?

- I just wanna have a good time.

Is this your idea of fun? Sitting around

theorizing about Kerri and I?

[Chuckles]

No, man. He's right. Let's do it, dude.

Okay. I suppose it's late enough.

- Did you bring your hat and gloves?

- Yes.

- Well, put 'em on.

- Right.

What the f*** is that?

- What?

- Mittens? What, you think

we're gonna make a snowman?

I have no idea.

You told me to get gloves and a hat.

I didn't know you wanted an O.J. Disguise.

What, are we gonna whack somebody?

No, we're just gonna do

a little B & E, that's all.

What? What are you guys

robbing people's houses for?

A little extra "K."

We're not robbing people's houses. We're just

gonna go in and rearrange things a little.

- Rearrange things? Why?

- Because it's funny.

Imagine you wake up and

your living room is in your dining room.

Or every single light bulb in your house is

unscrewed and lying on the floor for no reason.

- That's f***in' funny.

- And you don't take anything?

Not a thing.

So, what about the...

ex... extra "K"?

That's just a little bonus.

You remember Chris Newman?

- Yeah.

- Well, he took over his dad's business.

- Right.

- Newman Home Security.

Oh. Yeah. Still don't get it.

[Sighs]

We live in the burbs.

Not the best place

for a home security business.

When Chris took over his dad's company,

it was headed down the tubes.

So he asked Biscuit and I

to scare up a little business for him.

We may be a lot of things, but we are

not thieves. So we thought of this little plan.

We get a few kicks,

we help Chris out a little bit...

and it's kind of thrilling

being in people's houses.

- What if you get caught?

- Oh, no, man, you can't get caught.

- Sure you can.

- No, you can't get caught.

- Don't get caught.

- Oh.

So, are you in?

Am I in? Sure.

I've been making some pretty stellar decisions

lately. I'm sure this will be another one.

Cool. Let's go.

% % [Disco]

[Women Laughing]

[Man]

Does he have both testicles?

- Well, that is until Marty saw him.

- [Man] Oh.

Is his penis super glued to his stomach so when

he has to piss, he has to stand on his head?

[All Laughing]

No.

Then you shouldn't be upset. Sounds to me

like you had a pretty reasonable breakup.

It's not the breakup

that I'm so upset about.

I don't know if it was

the right thing to do. You know?

I mean, I felt I had to do it at the time,

but now, I just... I don't know.

Well, look. I mean, you obviously

had planned on marrying this guy.

Everything was done and ready.

But in your heart,

something inside told you not to.

To stop, right?

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