Nuestros amantes Page #2

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Are you a bored man?

No. I said that

so you'd work at it.

Girls love redeeming

men with problems.

- You don't say!

- Especially tough guys,

bad boys, cretins...

This is more promising

than the brandy routine. Go on.

Someone should tell

the tough guys and bad boys

why they score with girls.

Don't stop now.

They think you melt

when you see them acting cocky

but really your maternal instinct

sees through their disguise.

- And we see the inner child?

- Exactly.

The timid, insecure child

trying to overcome his fear of girls

by pretending to be

the nasty hero of a nasty film.

You feel a tenderness for them

and you sleep with them.

You give them the prize.

And that's why

we like bad-ass guys?

Their inner child

arouses your maternal instinct.

I see.

So it's kind of like incest.

U.I.I.

Unconscious Incestuous Impulses.

This is the first time

I've verbalized it.

Yeah, well, you shouldn't

verbalize it much more,

especially in front of women.

And what's your seduction method?

I act cocky and tough.

- And does it work?

- Yes.

At times. Not always.

Hardly ever.

But, according to your theory,

you score because

you've aroused a feeling of pity.

And deep down, all guys know that.

But we never talk about it.

And never will.

It's our secret.

Do you and your inner child

mind if I go to the washroom?

No, we don't.

Our first official date

seems like the fourth.

Shouldn't it be more banal,

more superficial?

I've made an ellipsis.

I've jumped forward three weeks.

I see.

Come back to today for a minute,

and tell me

something about yourself,

as if we were

getting to know each other.

I'm an alien secret agent

sent by my bosses

to assassinate the most important

political leaders on Earth.

You'd be doing us a favor.

Not really.

The plan is to create chaos

and make our invasion easier.

Do you know

how you'll kill them?

I have to think about it.

It's mass magnicide.

And if I screw up, I'll face

an Intergalactic Court Martial.

- What planet are you from?

- One in the ass end of nowhere.

Yes, I know it!

Do you have a girlfriend there,

a wife...?

It isn't necessary.

we're hermaphrodites.

Listen, I'm bored talking about me.

Can I start lying?

Talking about lying,

do you have

a false Earthling identity

so as to go unnoticed?

Of course.

I can't go round saying

I'm an intergalactic assassin.

And what's your cover?

What do you think it is?

You pass yourself off

as a guy from Saragossa

who at first sight

isn't very remarkable...

Perfectly normal.

...with a job he doesn't like...

Frustrating.

...and a social life

that isn't fully satisfying.

Tedious.

Why did you go to the bookstore?

I've never seen you there before.

I like bookstores.

They're magical places.

Yes, of course.

Where you find girls like me,

stirring up intergalactic assassins

with their passion for life.

And that's your cover.

- You think so?

- I do.

Maybe I'm like that.

- No.

- Why not?

Because if you were,

you wouldn't be real.

You'd be a fictional character.

You'd only exist to help me

find a meaning to my life

without caring about

your own happiness.

What a writer friend of mine calls

a Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

And what's that?

Something that's hard to find.

- Am I a Manic Pixie Dream Girl?

- No.

That's your cover.

Like mine to conceal that

I'm an intergalactic assassin.

And what am I concealing?

Come on.

I think your heart was broken.

Very recently.

You were left,

which could happen to any of us.

But you feel

as if you've been torn apart.

How do you know that?

Are you all mind readers

on your planet?

Of course.

But, as well, I saw you.

What?

A few days before we met,

I went to the bookstore

and I saw you sitting with him,

crying your eyes out.

And you kept crying

for a long time after he left.

As well as an intergalactic

assassin, you're a cheat.

You played with an advantage.

Can you forgive me?

You changed the rules of the game.

I don't know if I like them.

While you decide,

can we keep playing?

I have to go.

Will you come with me?

Are you still in love with him?

I can't help it.

He isn't handsome.

He doesn't have to be.

He's a poet, you know.

- Accursed?

- Really accursed.

Is he good?

Yes, that's the problem.

How much are you in love with him,

from 0 to 10?

Nine?

I reckoned a seven.

He really worked on it.

He's the kind who doesn't stop

until you adore him.

And when you do,

he gets scared and leaves.

To look for another victim.

He may have had one

before he left me.

- You know him well.

- Yes.

It's the second time

I've let him destroy me.

I hope there won't be a third.

So do I.

Because there could be.

You'd go back to him?

If he changed, and changed a lot,

maybe.

Is that possible?

My problem is I don't believe in

God, but I do believe in miracles.

How big a fool am I,

from 0 to 10?

Four.

I was expecting an eight.

No, I'm sure that

even if he was a bastard,

you've had marvelous moments,

the kind we never talk about.

What do you mean?

I mean that we mostly complain

about our partners.

No one calls to tell you about

a romantic walk with his girlfriend,

hand in hand, picking flowers,

stepping on dogshit together.

But they do say:

"Look what the bastard did to me".

Or:

"Listen to what the b*tch said".

That's how we are.

We moan about the bad parts and say

nothing about the great moments

that keep us hooked

on b*tches and bastards.

You know when I had

my last great moment with my ex?

It wasn't the day he left you.

- The day before.

- A coherent guy.

Super-coherent.

We had a romantic dinner,

he said he loved me

more than anything,

and the next day, goodbye.

I can say it in two ways:

he's a sicko or he's a sack of sh*t.

You choose.

No, they both work.

And even so, I miss him.

Really?

That the difference

between real life and the movies.

In the movies

a bastard is a bastard.

In real life.

a bastard can also be wonderful.

Thank you.

How long were you together?

Long enough to make me believe

I was the woman of his dreams.

So why did he leave?

He started talking a load of sh*t

about karma, fate...

I asked if he'd stopped loving me

and he said he loved me so much

that a relationship as a couple

wasn't enough to show his love.

Why did he leave me?

I don't know.

He left for the same reason

we leave people and they leave us.

Which is...?

He thinks he deserves

better than you.

F***ing bastard.

Yes, insult him!

No, you're the f***ing bastard.

- Do you realize what you said?

- Accept it!

The fact is, if someone leaves you

it's because they think

there's something better

waiting for them.

I'm not saying your ex will find it.

Have I disappointed you?

Why would you?

Because I'm not

the typical classic male fantasy.

I'm as screwed up as any

screwed up girl in the real world.

And in love

with a sicko and/or a sack of sh*t.

Yeah.

Not very glamourous.

Don't worry. You know what

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