Nuts in May Page #2

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So does the wife, all the kids,

everybody on this farm.

Well, why can't we drink it?

It's all sent off for pasteurisation,

you see.

We sell through

the milk marketing board.

-That's not very good for it, is it?

-What, pasteurisation?

I was under the impression

it reduced the nutritive value.

That's all bollocks, that.

No, it doesn't affect

the protein content at all.

No, it just kills a few bugs,

stops a few diseases, you know,

TB, brucellosis, salmonella.

Well, surely it would be better to have

an accredited herd in the first place

instead of a herd that's full of

all those dreadful diseases.

Well, I trust my cows

aren't full of dreadful diseases,

at least I hope not.

None of us dropped dead yet.

You know,

if people like you want to spend

a bloody fortune on untreated milk,

well, I'd go accredited.

Just a question of economics.

Yes, well, economics are at the root

of quite a few of the world's problems.

Society gets what society wants.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

FARMER:
You people like to pay me

a fortune for it, I'd go accredited.

-Keith.

-Hmm?

You know, you always tell me

to chew everything 72 times?

-Hmm.

-Well, I don't think that can be right

because, I mean, for instance,

you're chewing nuts now

and they have to be chewed 72 times

because they're very hard,

but earlier on I was eating mushroom

and I only got as far as 31

and it slipped down my throat

quite naturally,

so it doesn't always have to be

72 times, does it?

Well, the important thing

is to use your discretion.

(RADIO PLAYING MAGNETO AND

TITANIUM MAN BY WINGS)

Hello.

You'll have to tell him, Keith.

What are you going to say to him, Keith?

Excuse me.

Are you listening to your radio?

No, not really.

Would you mind

turning it off then, please?

JINGLE SINGERS:
# David Hamilton #

DJ:
Mystery Star clue...

SINGERS:
# Number three #

DJ:
Here is clue three

for the Mystery Star today,

he was once a member

of a group called Kipp...

He was once a member

of a group called Kipp

and he's the baby of the group,

and he's now writing some rather

good songs in a partnership.

If you know your pop music, you should

know the name of the Mystery Star,

and if you do you can

win yourself something...

He hasn't turned it off, Keith.

He's just ignored you completely.

It's not fair, is it?

(RADIO CONTINUES PLAYING)

Honestly, Keith, if this carries on

it's going to ruin my holiday.

I don't know how you can sit there

and read books, Keith,

will all this row going on.

Well, if you don't tell him, Keith,

I'm going to have to go over myself.

Keith!

Excuse me.

(RADIO STOPS)

What?

Look, I hope you don't mind

my saying this

but we've come down here to get away

from the hurly-burly of town life,

the hustle and the bustle of living

in an urban conurbation.

We've come to be in the peace

of the countryside.

Now, if you don't mind my saying so,

your radio is rather disturbing

that peace

and I think it's only fair to ask you

either to stop playing it

or to move your tent.

Well, if you don't like it

why don't you move your tent?

Because we were here first.

So what?

I paid for the campsite as well as you.

There are other things in life

apart from money.

One should have consideration

for one's fellow creatures.

Exactly. We didn't bring our radio

because we didn't want to cause

noise pollution

and disturb other campers.

Good for you.

-You're not being very fair, you know.

-Oh, do us a favour, missus.

KEITH:
Look, everything was peaceful

until you came along!

(RADIO STARTS PLAYING)

Higher ground over there,

which means the weather readings

will be slightly different.

It's not fair, Keith,

why should we have to move our tent?

You have to be decisive

at times like these.

-We're going to get soaked, Keith.

-Come along.

-Where are we going tomorrow, Keith?

-Along the coastal path.

Hope it's not raining then.

Oh, it will only be a shower,

I should think, if it is.

Probably be over by tomorrow, anyway.

How far is it along the coastal path?

-Oh, it's a few miles.

-How many miles?

Well, uh...

five or six.

Hope it's not more than

five or six, Keith.

(SEAGULLS CAWING)

KEITH:
Come along.

CANDICE MARIE:
Keith, wait for me.

CANDICE MARIE:
How far have we come?

KEITH:
Well, there we are, you can see.

We started at Kimmeridge Bay,

came along the coastal path

above the Kimmeridge Ledges

with their fingers stretching out

into the sea,

over Egmont Point, round Chapman's Pool

and here we are at St Aldhelm's Head,

sometimes known as St Alban's Head.

CANDICE MARIE:
And how much further

have we got to go?

KEITH:
Oh, not far.

Now, that's what we call

a limestone outlier.

It's made of Portland stone

as found on the Isle of Portland.

Of course, some people think that

Portland stone is only found there

but it can be found on the mainland

here and vice versa.

-Look at that boat, Keith.

-You're not listening, Candice Marie.

Hello.

-He's bought some milk, Keith.

-Yes, I know.

I'll be able to wear these tomorrow,

Keith, for climbing on the rocks.

No, boots are for hiking.

We'll wear our plimsolls

for clambering about the rocks,

our sandals on the beach

and our boots for tramping the path

in the afternoon.

CANDICE MARIE:
We can't take three types

of footwear, Keith.

KEITH:
You need the right tools

for the job.

What's he doing, Keith?

I don't know.

Probably thinks he's a geologist

or something.

How far was that walk today, Keith?

Oh, just under 1 4 miles.

CANDICE MARIE:
I hope you haven't

arranged any more as long as that.

KEITH:
Your legs will soon

get used to it.

-Ah, there we are.

-Did she sell you some, Keith?

Yes, nice lady. It's very cheap.

She said this is the only

accredited herd in the area.

CANDICE MARIE:
It's funny to think,

Keith, that milk you're holding

came out of one of those cows

only this morning.

KEITH:
Mmm. It'd be interesting to know

which one.

CANDICE MARIE:
What does it mean, Keith?

It means the road

to East and West Lulworth

via Povington Hill is closed.

Does that mean we can't go?

No, it doesn't mean that.

It just means it's spoilt the schedule.

I'd planned to take

45 minutes along that road

and now we're going to be late.

-Didn't you know it might be closed?

-No, I didn't.

Let's have a look at the map.

(KEITH SIGHING)

You've got it upside down.

You should pay attention, Candice Marie.

Well, let's go somewhere else, Keith.

We can't go somewhere else,

we're going to Lulworth Cove today.

It's on the schedule. Right.

Let's go to Lulworth Cove tomorrow.

We can't go tomorrow,

we're going to a quarry tomorrow.

Now, look at the map.

Now, we're going over the hill

to East Creech, Creech,

East Holme up towards Stoborough

along the B3070

down to Lulworth Cove that way.

You don't always have to stick

to the schedule, you know, Keith.

No point in having a schedule

if you don't stick to it.

-What do they do, Keith?

-Who?

The army.

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