Office Space Page #3

[Scene Peter's room. He's in bed and he keeps hearing voices.]

NINA:

Corporate payroll, Nina speaking. Just a moment. Corporate payroll,

Nina speaking. Just a moment. Corporate payroll, Nina speaking. Just a

moment.

Peter buries his head in his pillow.

[Scene The staff meeting. Peter's watch reads Friday 12, 10:37.

Everyone's standing outside their cubicles. There's a banner that says

"Is This Good for the COMPANY?"]

BILL:

So you should ask yourself, with every decision that you make (points

to the banner) Is this good for the company? Am I helping the best way

that I can for the company...

PETER:

Is that the guy?

TOM:

Yeah...

BILL:

Good. Well, uh, I'd like to, uh, welcome a new member to our team. Uh,

Bob Slydell. Yeah. Uh, he is, uh, a consultant. Yeah. He is a

consultant. (Tom shakes his head) He'll be helping us out a little

here, asking some questions, making sure things go a little more

smoothly. Yeah. Oh and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day! So,

y'know, if you want to, go ahead and uh, wear a Hawaiian shirt and

jeans.

[Scene Milton's cubicle, under the banner. He's on the phone with

Peter.]

MILTON:

I, I don't care if they, if they lay me off either, because I, I told

Bill that if he moves my desk one more time, then, then I'm quitting.

I'm going to quit. And I told Dom too because they've moved my desk

four times. I used to be by the window, where I could see the squirrels

and they were merry. But then they switched from the Swingline to the

Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline. (he's holding his red

Swingline) (Camera pans to Peter) They have my staples for the Boston

and I kept the staples from the Swingline stapler.

PETER:

Ok, Milton.

MILTON:

And if, if they take my stapler, I will, I will set this building on

fire.

PETER:

Oh, that's great. I will talk to you later.

He hangs up and looks at his watch

4:
45. Peter looks around and sees Bill. He ducks and peeks to see Bill

talking with some workers. He quickly tries to save his files, but the

computer is slower than he'd like. Bill is talking to other guys.

PETER:

Oh, come on! (it finished saving, but starts to save another file) Oh,

for crying out -!

He peeks over the wall again. The computer finally finished saving and

he turns it off. He peeks over the wall but Bill's not there. He gets

ready to leave and almost runs into Bill.

BILL:

Hello Peter. What's happening? Um, I'm gonna need you go ahead and come

in tomorrow. So if you could be here around nine, that would be great.

(starts to walk away) Oh, oh, yea…I forgot. I'm gonna also need you to

come in Sunday too. We, uh, lost some people this week and we need to

sorta catch up. Thanks.

[Scene Outside the clinic. A sign says

Hypnotherapist; Dr. Swanson, CCS; Anxiety, Depression, Marriage, Weight

Loss, Smoking, Insurance

Cut to inside. Anne is with Peter. Opposite them are Dr. Swanson and

two other patients.

PETER:

So I'm sitting in my cubicle today and I realized that ever since I

started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the

day before it. So it means that every single day you see me, that's on

the worse day of my life.

DR. SWANSON

What about today? Is today the worse day of your life?

PETER:

Yeah.

DR. SWANSON

Oh, that's bad stuff.

PETER:

I'm sorry.

DR. SWANSON

Ok.

PETER:

But is there any way that you, you could just sock me out so there's no

way that I'll know I'm at work? Right here? (points to his head) Can I

just come home and think I've been fishing all day or something?

DR. SWANSON

That's really not what I do, Peter. However, the good news is, I think

I can help you. I want you to do something for me, Peter. (dims the

lights) I want you to try and relax. I want you to relax every muscle

in your body, from your toes to your fingertips. Now I want you to

relax your legs. You're going to begin to feel your eyelids getting

heavy as you slip deeper and deeper into a state of complete

relaxation. the air of concerns to you is disappearing. Deeper, way

down, your concerns about your job melts away. Way, way down. Now when

I count backwards from three, you'll be in a state of complete

relaxation. your worries, cares and ambitions will be gone. And you

will remain in that state until I snap my fingers. Three. Deeper and

deeper. Way down, way down. Two. Way down. One.

He faints out of the chair and everyone rushes to his aid.

ANNE:

Oh my God, Dr. Swanson! Ooh! Ooh! Is he dead? Oh!

She runs to get help. Peter just sits there and smiles. The hypnosis

thing apparently worked...

[Scene Peter's bedroom. Saturday morning, 8:00. His alarm clock beeps

and he sits up. He looks at the clock and decides to go back to sleep.]

Cut to later. Peter's still asleep. The phone rings and the answering

machine picks up.

BILL:

Yah, hi. It's Bill Lundbergh. It's about ten o' clock, uh, wondering

where you are.

Cut to later. Peter's still asleep. The phone rings again.

BILL:

ON MACHINE) YEAH, HI, IT'S BILL LUMBERGH AGAIN. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE

SURE YOU KNEW THAT WE, UH, DID START AT THE, UH, USUAL TIME THIS

MORNING. (PETER ROLLS OVER...) YEAH, IT ISN'T A HALF DAY OR ANYTHING

LIKE THAT. SO IF YOU COULD GET HERE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, THAT WOULD BE

TERRIFIC.

Cut to later. Peter finally gets up. The answering machine has

seventeen messages. He listens to them.

BILL:

Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lum -

Next message

BILL:

Yeah, it's -

Next message

BILL:

Yeah, hi, it's Bill Lumbergh -

Next message

BILL:

Yeah, it's me again. Uh, I was away from my desk for a minute. Just

checking in case you called while I was gone.

The phone rings. Peter answers it.

PETER:

Hello?

ANNE:

Peter, what's going on?!

PETER:

Huh?

ANNE:

It's 3:
30. Why aren't you at work?!

PETER:

Because I didn't feel like it.

ANNE:

Peter, what is wrong with you?! First, you sit there while Dr. Swanson

dies and you just walk out of the car and embarrass me in front of my

friends. Don't blame this on hypnosis either. That's total bull!

Peter hangs up but Anne calls back.

ANNE:

ANSWERING MACHINE) LISTEN, A**HOLE. NO ONE HANGS UP ON ME. WE'RE

THROUGH!!! AND –HA- ONE MORE THING. I'VE BEEN CHEATING ON YOU!!!! (BEEP

Peter gets back into bed.

[Scene Initech. Another staff meeting.]

BILL:

From now on, you use the time sheets if you work on two or more job

codes and you need the extra columns to fit it all in. Otherwise, use

the old time sheets...

TOM:

Where's Peter? How come he didn't show up this weekend?

MICHAEL:

I, I don't know.

BILL:

...it would really, really help us out.

MICHAEL:

POINTS) WHO'S THAT GUY?

BILL:

So, uh, any questions?

[Scene Chotchkie's. Peter enters and goes up to Joanna at the counter.]

PETER:

Hi, I'm Peter.

JOANNA:

Hi. How can I help you?

PETER:

What are you doing for lunch today?

JOANNA:

Well, our specials are barbecued chicken - it's actually right over

there on the board. (points) Excuse me.

She goes to take orders.

BRIAN:

Hey! Look who's back! Table for three, to -

Peter shoves him out of his way and goes over to Joanna.

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