Office Uprising Page #7

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- I'm a monster.

- No.

They are monsters.

You are my best friend here.

Behind Samantha and this dude

I used to smoke weed with.

- Who?

- Okay,

you're my third best friend.

I'm your third best friend?

That's awesome.

Well, if you want our third

best friendship to survive,

I need you in the game.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Yeah. -So come on, let me

see your war-face, right now.

Let me see it. Like this. Ready?

(yells)

Okay.

(weak groan)

- Okay. A bit more war

- like.

Okay. (weak yell)

- Great!

- (weak growl)

A for effort. Let's do this! Lentworth!

(weak growl)

Lentworth, get your ass

over here and give me a hand!

- What was that?

- Nothing.

Are you drinking the...

- Give me the can, Lentworth.

- No, look.

I just gotta get my job back!

Are you f***ing out of your mind?

Maybe if I'll like them, I'll fit in!

- (thuds)

- (gasps)

Help me! Lentworth's going rogue!

Get your ass out there!

Keep 'em outta this office!

Lentworth:
Do you know how much it costs

to go to Nevada and get a hooker?

And I got a mortgage and car payments

- and insurance!

- Plug the wall!

And I'm paying 60,000 bucks a year

for my daughter to study pottery

at Sarah f***ing Lawrence!

Don't do this! Don't!

This is not the time for

me to be looking for work!

(yelling)

I'm one of you! I'm one of you!

- (groans)

- Whoa!

(gasps)

- (grunts)

- (groans)

All right, you motherfuckers.

- Come on, Mo.

- Nusbaum:
You can run, but you can't hide.

Welcome to the penthouse, motherfuckers!

(gunshot)

Oh, sh*t.

- Mo:
Oh.

- Gantt:
Goddammit

Last opportunity to show

some collaboration, Mr. Gantt!

Mo:
Hide behind the bush.

Bring me his thumb.

(all shouting)

(gunshot)

Which one of you fucks wants a taste?

- (both grunting)

- (gunshot)

Piss off!

Gantt:
Yeah, run, you

sissy little f***ers.

A little help here?

(Mo yelps)

All y'all are f***ing fired!

(screams)

Goddammit! You cut off my goddamn hand.

Goddamn.

This is a real nice office, Mr. Gantt.

Ah. I gotta get me one of these.

Gantt:
I can't die like this.

I'm a goddamn war hero!

You never set foot in Iraq!

- I served!

- In Thailand!

Irrelevant!

- (gunshot)

- Hope you enjoyed the ladyboys.

- (growling)

- (whimpers)

Kill them.

Whoa! Whoa!

You got what you wanted.

The company's yours.

Now, let us walk, okay.

We hereby tender our resignations.

I think I speak for all of us when I say

we really don't want

to work for you anymore.

Oh, everyone's going to

be working for me, Desmond.

- What?

- Do you think

this pissant little bullet

factory is my endgame?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I've got my sights set on

much, much bigger things.

So what, you're going to become

regional manager of the world?

You know, I do like the sound of that.

Excellent.

Deliver their heads to me!

(whimpers)

(all growling)

Back the f*** up!

First one to come cops

a bullet to the face.

- (snarling)

- Mo:
There's 20 of them.

There's only one shell left in that gun,

and there's six of us!

Then I guess I'm gonna need more ammo.

(screaming)

(panting)

Holy sh*t, that's the

coolest thing I've ever seen.

- (Sam groans)

- Desmond:
Oh, God.

Sam.

Just hang in there.

(gasps)

I don't feel well.

Sam? Hey.

(gasps) Come on, guys.

You have to kill me.

You're gonna make it,

okay. Just hang in there.

I'm gonna to get you help, okay. Trust me.

Sam?

Samantha?

Samantha.

(shouting, growling)

- (beeping)

- (clanking)

Well.

Thank you, Mr. Gantt.

(snarling)

Attention, all remaining

Ammotech employees.

We are now going into Stage Three:

Distribution! Total

saturation of all markets!

Local, regional,

national, and global!

Hey. Hey!

Oh, Jesus Christ, Samantha. Here.

(grunts)

What the f*** did you do?

Damn it!

No! I didn't do anything.

I did not do anything.

It was not supposed to be

administered to employees, okay.

But that little sh*t of a doctor,

he thinks that I screwed him

out of credit on the experiment.

- Did you?

- Well, yes, of course I did!

But, like, take me to

court, file a grievance,

like, go through the normal

channels on that sh*t.

Don't hand out weaponized soft drinks

to your colleagues!

Christ, I mean, that's out of line.

Don't even try to lay

it off on that nerd.

This is your fault!

(chuckles) My fault? Really?

Are you sure about that, Desmond?

This is the purchase order for

my boron silicate hydroxide,

which I have been trying to

put through your department

for the better part of a month.

Which, coincidentally,

I found in the trash can

outside my office this morning.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying...

we tested the formula, it worked fine,

but because we were on a deadline,

but we didn't have the right compounds now,

and we had to make...

we had to make do.

Make do?

With replacement chemicals.

That have a bit of a nasty side effect.

How do we undo it? That's

all I want to hear out of you.

Frohm:
So, good news is,

she didn't ingest enough of it

to have it take full effect.

If she he still has enough unaffected,

then I might be able to bring her back.

What about everyone else?

Oh, the people who

consumed the full dosage?

- Yeah.

- You should forget about them.

They're dead. Their frontal lobe

looks like Octomom's vagina at this point.

Bad news is, her higher

motor functions are going

to continue to shut down,

and in about 30 minutes,

without the right antidote,

um... we might not be

able to bring her back.

What do you need to make a cure?

Okay. There it is.

One vial will do it,

but the more the better.

With that, I might be able

to rig a formula to reverse the effects.

But I don't know. The clock's ticking.

So all we have to do is

go in there and get it.

In there, yeah. Basically.

My God, he's got the whole

place running like clockwork.

Back in 30 minutes. Fucknuts. Come on.

Wait, you two are gonna take them all on?

That's great. We're all gonna die.

I can hear you.

(creaking)

(growling in distance)

(door closes)

It is true that there is no "I" in team.

However, there is an "I" in win.

We are only as strong

as the weakest link in our chain.

Man:
Oh, sh*t.

Oh, Ralph.

So destroy the weakest link.

- No, wait. No, no. (screaming)

- (growling)

If I ever get out of here, I'm

definitely gonna go see a therapist.

Desmond:
There it is.

This might be slightly more

difficult than I imagined.

Mr. Brimble and Mr. Haryana,

- hello.

- (growling stops)

Might I suggest the next time

you try to sneak up on someone,

you do it in a place

without security cameras.

All personnel, please report

to Section A-2. Thank you.

- Sh*t.

- Sh*t!

(growling)

Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Come on. F***!

Step on it. Step on it.

You're obsessed with

this landmine bullshit.

And it's not gonna work!

(roaring)

Oh, I like my steak well-done!

And that's how I like my co-workers!

(yelling)

I hate you all!

This was poorly planned.

I'm just kidding! You guys are like family.

Desmond:
Let's go. Quick.

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