Oh, God! Book II Page #4

FOUND A BETTER WAY

FOR A SKUNK:

TO DEFEND HIMSELF.

AND YOU SURE GOOFED

WITH THE GIRAFFE.

GIRAFFE?

WHY'D YOU MAKE

THE NECK SO LONG?

SO HE COULD:

EAT THE LEAVES:

OFF THE TREES.

WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE

THE TREES SHORTER?

WHERE WERE YOU:

WHEN I NEEDED YOU?

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE.

I KNOW, IT'S AWFUL.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO,

SHE WAS ACTING:

A LITTLE STRANGELY.

YES. SHE WAS ASKING

ME SOME QUESTIONS

ABOUT GOD:

AND HOW I'D HANDLE

AN ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN

FOR HIM.

I DIDN'T THINK

ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

I DON'T KNOW

HOW THIS HAPPENS.

DO YOU SUPPOSE:

SHE'S MAKING IT UP,

YOU KNOW, AS A PLAY

FOR ATTENTION?

OH, COME ON, DON.

IF TRACY'S ONE THING,

SHE'S TRUTHFUL.

I DON'T THINK SHE'S

EVER TOLD A LIE.

I'M SORRY

I WAS SO CRABBY.

I UNDERSTAND.

HERE'S

YOUR HOMEWORK.

WOW. THANKS.

GOD.

YEAH?

WHO DO YOU:

PRAY TO?

ME? WELL, SOMETIMES

I TALK TO MYSELF.

IT MUST BE REAL:

LONESOME UP THERE.

WELL, WHEN I SNEEZE,

THERE'S NO ONE AROUND

TO BLESS ME.

TRACY!

UH-OH,

NOW IT'S MY DAD.

I'VE GOT TO GO.

AND BLESS YOU, GOD.

THAT'S FOR

YOUR NEXT SNEEZE.

MAYBE I SHOULD:

HAVE MADE THE TREES

A LITTLE SHORTER.

HI, DADDY.

HI, SWEETHEART.

HOW'S MY BABY?

OK.

SO, UH...

MOM TOLD YOU, HUH?

LOOK, UM...

SWEETHEART...

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES

PEOPLE IMAGINE THINGS,

UH...

KIDS IN PARTICULAR.

I DIDN'T IMAGINE IT.

IT SEEMS SO REAL.

IT REALLY SEEMS:

LIKE IT HAPPENED.

I TALKED TO HIM.

HE TALKED TO ME.

YOUR IMAGINATION

JUST RUNS RIGH AWAY FROM YOU.

DADDY, I KNOW

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE.

IT'S HARD FOR ME

TO BELIEVE,

BUT IT HAPPENED.

IT HAPPENED?

UH...

LET ME:

GET THIS STRAIGHT.

YOU'RE SAYING YOU

ACTUALLY SAW GOD,

I MEAN,

AS A REAL PERSON?

LOTS OF TIMES.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME

YOU SAW HIM?

HE JUST HELPED ME

WITH MY MATH.

OH, MY GOD.

GOD WAS UPSTAIRS HELPING YOU

WITH YOUR HOMEWORK?

YEAH.

HERE IT IS.

UM...

WELL, THIS MULTIPLICATION

IS VERY GOOD,

BUT, TRACY, SWEETHEART,

THESE ARE YOUR NUMBERS.

THAT'S YOUR WRITING.

THAT WAS EASY:

FOR HIM TO DO.

YEAH, I SUPPOSE

IT WOULD BE.

UM...

RIGHT. WELL, UM...

OK. WE'LL TALK ABOUT THIS

LATER, ALL RIGHT?

WHY DON'T YOU, UM...

WHY DON'T YOU

GO BACK UPSTAIRS

AND FINISH YOUR...

YOUR STUDYING, OK?

BUT YOU BOTH THINK

I'M BANANAS.

OH, I SHOULDN'T HAVE

SAID THAT.

HE HATES THAT EXPRESSION.

WHAT THE HELL:

HAS BEEN GOING ON HERE

SINCE I LEFT?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

IF YOU SPENT LESS TIME

PEDDLING THOSE:

OVERPRICED HOUSES,

THIS WOULDN'T HAVE

HAPPENED.

I'VE NEVER NEGLECTED

THAT CHILD,

AND YOU KNOW IT.

I'M NOT THE ONE

WHO MOVED OUT.

YOU ARE.

LET'S NO GET INTO THAT.

THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM.

I'LL TAKE HER

TO A CHILD PSYCHIATRIST.

NO!

NO WAY. NEVER.

PAULA, SHE NEEDS HELP.

LOOK.

YOU TAKE CARE:

OF B*OBS,

AND I WILL TAKE CARE

OF TRACY.

WE'RE NOT HERE TO ARGUE.

SHE'S IN TROUBLE.

WHAT ABOUT A MINISTER?

HE COULD AT LEAST--

LOOK. WHY DO WE HAVE

TO TAKE HER TO ANYBODY?

I MEAN...

MAYBE IT'S NOT ALL

THAT BAD, YOU KNOW?

SHE'S OURS.

CAN'T WE...

CAN'T WE JUS WORK IT OUT OURSELVES?

OK. GIVE I A COUPLE OF DAYS.

MAYBE SHE'LL JUS SNAP OUT OF IT.

I'LL CALL YOU.

GOD HELPED HER:

WITH HER HOMEWORK.

TERRIFIC.

JUST TERRIFIC.

[BELL RINGS]

WHAT THE HELL IS

GOING ON AROUND HERE?

EVERYWHERE I LOOK,

"THINK GOD."

WHO'S RESPONSIBLE

FOR THIS?

OH, IT'S TRACY RICHARDS.

WHO'S TRACY RICHARDS?

WHAT GRADE IS SHE IN?

SHE'S IN

MISS HUDSON'S CLASS.

GET HER IN HERE:

AND MISS HUDSON, TOO.

I'LL GE TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

ARE WE RUNNING:

A SCHOOL OR A MONASTERY?

UH, NOW,

MR. AND MRS. RICHARDS,

SINCE THIS IS:

A BEHAVIOR PROBLEM,

I'VE ASKED DR. YOUNG,

OUR SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGIST,

TO, UH...SIT IN.

SHE'S A LITTLE BEHIND

IN HER HOMEWORK, BUT--

OH, IT'S WAY BEYOND THAT,

MRS. RICHARDS.

HAVE YOU SEEN ALL THOSE

"THINK GOD" SIGNS AROUND?

WELL, TRACY IS RESPONSIBLE

FOR THE WHOLE THING.

SHE HELD A MEETING,

GOT KIDS WORKED UP.

NOW THEY'RE ALL

RUNNING AROUND WRITING,

TACKING UP SIGNS.

WHAT, EXACTLY,

IS SO AWFUL:

ABOUT WRITING:

"THINK GOD"?

I MEAN--

YEAH, I MEAN,

IF KIDS ARE GOING

TO WRITE ON WALLS,

THEY MIGHT AS WELL

WRITE SOMETHING NICE.

I AGREE,

BUT THE POINT IS,

RELIGION IN THE SCHOOLS

IS A VERY SENSITIVE AREA.

IT IS NOT ALLOWED.

SHE'S GOT THE WHOLE PLACE

IN AN UPROAR.

SHE'S DISRUPTED

THE ENTIRE SCHOOL.

SHE'S NEVER BEEN

A TROUBLEMAKER.

SHE'S CERTAINLY MAKING UP

FOR IT THIS TIME.

I HAD A TALK WITH HER.

I TOLD HER:

TO CUT ALL THIS OUT.

SHE SAID SHE COULDN'T.

SHE COULDN'T?

THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE.

WOULD YOU:

BRING IN TRACY, PLEASE?

IF YOU CAN'T GET HER

TO COOPERATE,

I'LL SIMPLY HAVE TO

SUSPEND HER FROM SCHOOL.

I'M SORRY.

TRACY, WOULD YOU

SIT DOWN, PLEASE?

YOUR PARENTS WOULD LIKE

TO TALK TO YOU.

TRACY...

YOU REALLY:

HAVE TO COOPERATE.

I MEAN,

MR. BENSON IS RIGHT.

YOU'VE DISRUPTED

THE ENTIRE SCHOOL.

WELL, UNLESS

THIS THING STOPS,

THEY'RE GOING TO

SUSPEND YOU.

YOU DON'T WAN THAT TO HAPPEN,

DO YOU, SWEETHEART?

OK, MOM.

I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'LL TELL THE KIDS

TO CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF.

WELL, NOW,

THAT'S ALL WE ASK.

ALL RIGHT, TRACY. YOU CAN

GO BACK TO CLASS NOW.

THANK YOU, MR. BENSON.

BYE, MOMMY.

GOODBYE,

SWEETHEART.

SEE YOU SATURDAY,

DADDY.

BYE, BABY.

BUT BEFORE I TELL

THE KIDS TO STOP,

I HAVE TO ASK HIM.

ASK WHO?

ASK WHO, TRACY?

GOD.

OH, GOD.

HE'S THE ONE

WHO TOLD YOU TO DO THIS?

YEAH. IT WAS PAR HIS IDEA AND PART MINE.

OH.

WHEN YOU TALKED TO HIM,

DID HE TALK:

TO YOU, TOO?

YES. HE TALKED

TO ME FIRST.

I SEE.

WE TALKED:

QUITE A FEW TIMES.

WHEN WAS THE FIRST TIME?

THE FIRST TIME:

I TALKED TO HIM:

OR SAW HIM?

YOU SAW HIM?

SURE.

WHAT DID HE LOOK LIKE?

WELL, HE WEARS GLASSES,

AND HE'S GOT GRAY HAIR,

AND HE'S A VERY

NICE-LOOKING MAN.

I'M SURE.

HOW DID YOU:

FIRST MEET HIM?

IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT.

HE SENT ME A MESSAGE

IN A FORTUNE COOKIE.

UH...

TRACY, WOULD YOU, UH...

WAIT OU IN THE HALL, PLEASE?

YOUR CHILD NEEDS HELP.

SHE IS OUT OF TOUCH

WITH REALITY.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.

I HAVE MY:

RESPONSIBILITY.

I'M SORRY TO TELL YOU THIS,

MR. AND MRS. RICHARDS,

BUT, AS OF NOW,

TRACY IS SUSPENDED

FROM SCHOOL.

FOR HOW LONG?

UNTIL SHE'S WELL.

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,

SUSPENDING TRACY?

SHE DIDN'T DO

ANYTHING WRONG.

IF THEY'RE GOING

TO THROW HER OUT,

WHY DON'T THEY

THROW US OUT?

WE'VE ALL BEEN WRITING

"THINK GOD."

WHAT WILL WE DO?

WE WON'T TAKE I LYING DOWN.

WE'LL FIGHT BACK.

AND ANOTHER THING,

EVERYBODY IS TRYING

TO HELP ME.

I DON'T NEED HELP.

I FEEL FINE.

I'M PERFECTLY NORMAL.

YOU OUGHT TO BE:

PROUD OF ME.

NOT EVERYBODY:

GETS PICKED BY GOD.

I'M IN

A PRETTY GOOD CLUB--

SOCRATES, ABE LINCOLN,

AND PEOPLE LIKE THAT.

MR. AND MRS. RICHARDS,

THE DOCTOR WOULD LIKE

TO SEE YOU FIRST.

WE'LL BE BACK

IN A MINUTE, BABY.

HIYA, TRACY.

OH, HELLO.

I WAS WONDERING:

WHEN YOU WERE:

GOING TO SHOW UP.

EXPELLED FROM SCHOOL,

AND NOW YOU'RE A LITTLE

UPSET ABOUT THIS?

NO. I'M FINE.

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE

A LITTLE UPSET.

I KNOW YOU'VE GO A LOT TO DO,

BUT YOU WOULDN'T FORGE ABOUT ME, WOULD YOU?

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