Old Dogs Page #7

of our 30 years in this business.

But in order to close that deal...

I have to move to Japan.

What about our birthday? The big party?

I'm probably going to miss this one.

But I'm going to try really hard

and come back every six months.

So I'll make the next one

most likely, you know?

What about what you said two weeks ago?

What about trying to make us work?

I meant that. I really did. But...

But, Daddy, if you move to Japan,

who will protect the kingdom?

I know you wanted me

to be a superhero, Emily.

You all wanted me to be one.

But I'm not. I wish I could be.

I'd fly back and forth

from Japan every day.

I'm just a guy in marketing.

I'm going to go pack the kids.

I'm sorry, you guys.

- Hello. Thank you.

- May I take your bag?

Why don't we think of

this deal as our child.

- Uh-huh.

- Hello. Hi.

I know you're upset about leaving,

but we're going to fix it, OK?

We're going to find somebody

to replace Craig who's smarter,

and in six months

to a year, we're home. OK?

- You think?

- This time I just say to you,

"Embrace it. People love Japan."

- Want some?

- No!

- What? No?

- No. No. OK.

The truth is, I probably

looked like the Joker from Batman.

But I felt bad. These poor, sad people.

Anyway, I'm the first guy

to insult a bereavement group

and still get the girl.

That's Yankee ingenuity!

Please, Charlie, show us that

facial paralysis smile one more time.

All right, do your thing, superstar.

Thank you.

The American sports market

is a minefield,

and what I'd like to do today

is draw a map

through that minefield so that...

OK, Dan. Let's get going.

I accessed the wrong file.

- Dad!

- Hey, Dad.

Um... A little technical...

- I can do it from my notes.

- OK.

The first market segment is, um...

Let's go.

The idea of sports to a kid...

Dan, what's going on?

How could you have tanked that

meeting? The way I set you up,

you could've told them we were hiring

monkeys and they would have bought it!

That was our dream, Dan!

That was going to put us in the hall

of fame of sports marketing.

Go!

Remember that USFL account we got?

That would've been the one to tank!

- Will you please shut up?!

- Now you speak!

- You want a piece of me? Bring it!

- Bring it! Come on!

All right! Sorry.

How's this going to work out, snowball?

I don't know, man tan. You'll be OK.

You'll tap-dance your way into a

brand-new job, still date 35-year-olds.

You never grew up.

You never had to. You always had me.

- God!

- It is small enough!

- Shut up, Charlie!

- Made for a sardine.

- I'm a big man. This is a little seat.

- Yeah, you're a big ma...

- Stop trying to change me, Charlie.

- You know I can't do that.

- Then I'm done.

- Done with taking my advice?

- Mmm-hmm.

- Late-night rap sessions?

But not done

with the time-share in Vail.

No, I'm done with you.

Welcome aboard,

flight nine to New York.

We got 18 hours

of flight time ahead of us,

so turn to the person next to you

and get to know them.

It's going to be a long ride.

Where you from?

The whole trip was a bust

from start to finish.

Amanda, could I call you back?

I got to pick up Lucky

from the dog hotel. I'll call you.

Where's my boy? Where's my boy?

Lucky, come here, boy.

Where's my goo-go!

Where is he?

- Where is he?

- We tried to call.

Hello, Daniel, it's Charlie.

Thought you'd like to know that after

14 wonderful, fulfilling years together,

my true best friend, Lucky, has passed.

Maybe my life isn't as blessed

as you paint it to be.

I thought you'd like to know

that the funeral is this Tuesday

followed by a small,

tasteful reception at my house.

I'm indifferent as to whether you come.

Gentlemen, it's Craig,

and I'm back in New York.

I know I messed up.

I take full responsibility

for the mistakes that I made.

I'm not going to beg,

and I won't call again.

The truth is that I was a preemie.

I was several weeks premature, and

there was talk of oxygen deprivation.

I'm not making excuses,

but the doctor said...

Idiot.

Oh...

You know someone a bunch of years,

and it's easy to forget

that you were fortunate enough

to have known them for even one day.

And that was Lucky, to me.

I mean, he was my friend.

He... Well, even more important,

he was my family.

And where was I when he was

breathing his last breath?

In Japan, making a business deal.

Is there anyone who would like

to say anything about Lucky

- before we say goodbye?

- I would.

I've had the great pleasure

of being the other old dog

in Charlie's life for the past 30 years.

Like Lucky,

I feel like a fortunate son of a gun

to have Charlie as a friend.

You're so cute.

Here. A nice bowl of cold water.

- I'm really glad you came, man.

- Me too.

It's really important to me.

- I've said some things...

- Please, don't go there.

- I have to.

- Why?

You've always had faith in me,

even when I didn't have faith in myself.

You're not just my best friend,

you're the best kind of friend.

You're loyal, honorable...

But? See I knew there was a "but."

This is gonna sting like a mother. Go.

Aside from going into business with you,

I've only made two good decisions

in my entire life.

Marrying Vicki and taking those kids.

And those are the two most impulsive

things I've done in my entire life,

besides the tattoo, which,

God willing, I'll get over one day.

I feel another moment of Dan Rayburn

impulsivity about to happen.

Charlie, this is big.

I'm talking about uprooting,

change of scenery,

the end of the business as we know it.

Oh, Dan. We'll figure out the business.

We always do.

- Yeah, but... I have to get them back.

- Nah. Absolutely not.

We're gonna get 'em back.

Yeah. Yeah, little man.

- Out of the way. Dad on a mission.

- You guys aren't gonna regret this.

I'll do whatever it takes

to get back into your good grace...

You want to lighten up

on the throttle, Sparky?

We got a zoo exit coming up here.

I'm not gonna miss that birthday party.

It's just great to get the three amigos

back together again.

You're still on probation!

- No, no. That's not a lock.

- You open?

Nah. Sorry,

the zoo closes at 3:00 to new visitors.

But my kids are in there.

They're having a birthday party,

and I have to be there because I'm Dad.

Yeah. This is Dan Rayburn, superdad.

Check on your list. R-A-Y-B-U-R-N.

Superdad is super late, all right?

Rayburn? You know what?

You don't even have the same last name

as the birthday kids. Can't do it.

- How does three big ones sound?

- A little money, huh?

Don't you ever hand me

three dollars again.

- Come on. You can let us...

- You already have a kid there.

- It's fine.

- I can't let you in.

He's got a heart problem.

He just wants to see his kids.

- You shall not pass.

- You're great at your job, man!

Charlie, what are you doing?

What are you thinking?

Danny boy, I am going to

get you into that party,

at great risk

to my perfect legal record.

- Through here?

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