Old School Page #6

Tell on me?

You know you can't, buddy.

It's guy code. Okay?

Guys don't tell on other guys.

That's, uh...

something chicks do.

[gargles]

You're not a chick, are you?

All right. Good talk.

I'll see you out there.

Hey there, buddy.

Need a friend?

Yeah, me, too.

Hey.

[pony whinnies, Frank whistles]

Wow.

- She's a beauty, ain't she?

- Yeah.

What kind of gun is this?

That's a tranquilizer gun.

If any of these little f***ers decide to freak

out on the kids,

I get to take them down.

Ain't that right, mother?

What?

That's what I thought. Shut up.

Hey, be careful with that.

That's the most powerful

tranq gun on the market.

Got her in Mexico.

- Cool.

- Yeah, it is cool.

They say it could puncture

the skin of a rhino from a hundred...

Oww! Oh...

Yes!

That's awesome!

What?

You just took one

in the jugular, man!

Ha! Whoa.

Yes!

[laughing]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I did.

Is this bad?

Is this bad?

You should pull that out.

That sh*t is not cool.

Wait.

[distorted voice]

Wait. Pull what out?

The dart, man.

You got a f***in' dart in your neck.

You're craz... You're crazy, man.

You're crazy.

I like you.

But you're crazy.

I feel tired.

# Happy birthday to you

No!

[slow motion]

# Happy birthday, dear Max

[unintelligible groans]

[kid yells]

[girls scream]

# Hello darkness

My old friend

# I've come to talk

With you again

# Because a vision softly creeping

# Left its seeds while I was sleeping

This is the most beautiful day.

Yes.

It really is.

- # Within the sound of silence

- [chewing]

I've missed you, Frank.

I'm so glad you're back.

I've missed you too, honey.

You look gorgeous.

You're sweet.

# I turned my collar

To the cold and damp

[gagging]

- He just French kissed me!

- [crowd groaning]

[moaning]

This better work.

The board members are beginning to ask

questions about this "civilian fraternity."

The board members are beginning to ask

questions about this "civilian fraternity."

Don't worry, it'll work.

Here she comes.

Her name is Megan Huang.

She's student council president,

prelaw, star of the tennis team,

a very promising young woman.

A young woman with a lot to lose.

- Megan, hello.

- Hi.

Have a seat.

I'm sure you know Dean Pritchard.

Don't turn around.

Megan, this little fraternity

over on Brook Street

has become quite an inconvenience

for us, okay?

And as student body president,

you approved their temporary status.

Unfortunately, you alone

have the ability to revoke it.

So, we're gonna need you to

go ahead and do that.

Revoke it? Why?

Everybody loves those guys.

They throw the sickest parties.

I met my boyfriend at their casino night.

Uh-huh, that's great.

It says here you are applying

to Columbia Law School.

Wow, that's a tough school

to get into.

You know, Dean Pritchard has

some serious connections at Columbia.

Are you bribing me?

Don't make life

harder on yourself, Chang.

It's Huang.

Whatever.

How's the tennis season going?

I made some minor changes,

but overall it's okay.

- It's a pretty standard lease.

- Okay, great.

Thank you for taking a look at it for me.

This stuff always confuses me.

Anytime.

So, you and Mark are

moving in together?

Yeah.

Well, financially it makes sense, so...

You know, there's something

I think you should know...

about Mark.

What is it?

Well...

[sighs deeply]

Relationships are a lot of work.

And, I guess what I'm saying is...

Good luck.

Oh, okay.

Well, thank you.

Yeah. Listen.

I was thinking maybe sometime

we could get some dinner or something?

- Yeah.

- If that's okay with you.

- I'd like that.

- Yeah.

Of course, leave it to me to wait until

you've got a boyfriend

to finally ask you out.

Timing was never your thing.

No.

Okay, so, thank you.

And, call me about dinner.

- I will.

- Excuse me, sir!

We have a situation, sir!

What are you guys doing here?

I said never at work.

But it's an emergency.

We can only buy KY Jelly

in the 4-ounce tubes.

Industrial size cans will take up to

What's all that for?

It's Blue's birthday.

We're having a KY wrestling match.

You know what?

Can we talk about this later, please?

I'm going again, baby!

- [crowd cheering]

- Whoo-hoo!

Yeah! Yeah!

This doesn't seem fair!

I'm on a roll!

Rip his head off!

Rip his head off!

[romantic music plays]

[indistinct conversation, giggling]

[inhaling]

I like your room.

Thanks a lot. It's kind of

a home away from home for me.

All the posters are mine.

I don't usually like fraternity guys.

They're such losers.

But, you're like... mature.

Mature?

Yeah.

So, where do you sleep, anyway?

Usually, I sleep at home.

Sometimes I do crash here.

This is a futon, actually.

It pulls out, you know.

Cool, I didn't realize.

Can I see it?

The futon?

Yeah.

Wow.

Amy, I'm sorry.

I'm married.

And I can't do this.

I don't want this to get weird, but...

Right. I see.

But why don't you

leave me your number?

This way, if something happens to my wife,

I can give you a call.

- I don't think so.

- Okay, that was a bad idea.

[bell ringing]

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to tonight's main event!

In this corner,

weighing in at 1 10 pounds,

and pushing 89 years of age,

the recent recipient of a brand-new

plastic hip,

Joseph "Blue" Pulasky!

[crowd cheering]

And in the opposite corner,

with a combined weight of 21 0 pounds,

hailing from Hayden dormitory,

Jenny and Jeanie!

[crowd cheering]

Fighters, are you ready?

Blue, you sure

you're okay with this?

Just ring the f***ing bell, you pansy.

Let's get it on!

[bell dings]

[blowing whistle]

- Come on.

- Come on, grandpa, let's go.

Let's go, birthday boy!

What's the matter, you scared?

Hello?

[acoustic guitar plays]

# I close my eyes

# Only for a moment

And the moment's gone

# All my dreams

# Pass before my eyes

In curiosity

# Dust in the wind

Looks like we better put the KY wrestling

on hold for a while.

Good idea.

Please don't beat yourself up

over this thing. It's not your fault.

Damn it, Blue was old.

That's what old people do.

They die.

I'm sorry.

# All we are is

Dust in the wind

# Ah-ah-ah!

You're my boy, Blue!

You're my boy.

It's been a weird month, huh?

Yeah.

Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you

on your birthday.

My birthday, what do you mean?

Yeah, last Thursday.

- You forgot your birthday, didn't you?

- Damn it!

I'm such an idiot.

- What have you been doing?

- I've been keeping busy.

I... tried to join a new gym.

That was one thing.

And there's other stuff.

I can't remember, but, keeping busy.

You know, I've missed you.

You know?

I want you to know that.

I was even thinking maybe tonight

we could get together back at home,

and, I don't know,

maybe put on the Sisqo CD...

I don't think that's such a good idea.

Really? You don't?

I don't know.

Maybe we rushed into this,

you know?

I mean, it just doesn't

feel right, does it?

Being married?

What do you mean?

I mean, I think we should

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